To expect the same childcare as your SIL is receiving

Most likely reason for them not providing the same level of support is that they aren't able to.
They are older, so probably less able to cope with the baby/ toddler/ young children stage. A few years can make a big difference to the capabilities of grandparents.
They already have limited free time- due to commitments they made to 1st grandchild/ children. Options now are to give up what free time they do have or have all their grandchildren at the same time, which would be hard work.
So I think Yabu.

Tbh, this is such an awful thought process. If they have any hint you are thinking along these lines I'm not surprised they don't want to help more!

When I had my kids, my MIL actually sat me down and told me that she wouldn't be providing any childcare.

Fastforward a couple of years, and she was having her other son's kids frequently, fastforward another couple of years and she moved in with her other son and helped look after them.

At the time I just shrugged, I was fine and fiercely independent anyway. But, when I split with her son and looked back over it all, I just don't think she liked me - there was a pattern of just slightly poor treatment that I didn't notice at the time, but in hindsight was pretty clear

No. We were never treated the same on any level. That extended to the GC.

So you didn't actually say in your OP that you live next to his parents. I do think that makes things different. Maybe she overcompensates time wise due to having you all so close?
If she favoured SILs children in terms of gifts at Christmas ect I'd have a huge issue. But personally not with this.
If there is pushback, take yourself out of the equation equation and let DH handle it. For all you know she could be giving the same pushback to SIL when you are not around.

At the end of the day though, she doesn't owe you childcare.

That’s evidently false as you expect them to give up their rest days to assist you.

It’s also not “fairness” that sees children having their routine disrupted to suit you.
It’s actually incredibly unfair.

I have had the same experience with both set of GPs. The age gap is quite significant, they don't have the same energy they had when our siblings had children (in their 50s, now in their late 60s).
But mainly, no one really wants to go back to the nappy/toddler stage. The cousins are older, they already have a relationship, it's easier.

So they've got to drop what they're already doing and share out equally or find extra time for yours?

And is this for work?
And are they retired?
How old are they/the children concerned?

@Notyourproblem "But there are enough days in a week to help us all equally, it's just chosen to allow days for rest (between driving to SIL and cooking / cleaning for her)"

Am I reading this right? That you think your MIL should spend every single day/available moment doing childcare because there are enough days in the week (!) and that you actually resent her choosing "days for rest". Fuck me.

Edited to say that your last comment of "fairness is important to me" is bloody ironic.

If you had had children first would you have been happy if GPs had dropped your childcare hours so they could look after SIL’s children.

If you have grandchildren do you expect all your free time to be taken up doing childcare so you have no free days during the week?

My brother had kids before we did. My SIL (DH’s sister) had kids before we did.

Our DC didn’t stand a chance in terms of child care OR even being visited.

just the luck of the draw family wise.

I think more context is needed

Yes, make arrangements to cut the other support and allow equal help to us.

Dear God!😂

So, so many layers of unreasonable! Sometimes OPs take my breath away, in a “I can’t believe people think like this!” way. This is one of them.

No one should expect any childcare from anyone, they’re your children! If MIL already has childcare commitments it’s unfair of you to think she should either drops her hours with other grandchild to help you equally or run herself ragged looking after all the children

How entitled are you? How would you feel if it was the other way around and the GP's cut your free childcare to take on SIL's kids, you would be livid I imagine.

I think it’s common for whoever has kids first to get more support, mainly because then those plans are already in place, jobs/nursery/school decisions made on that basis so it’s not always as easy as just cutting that support in half.

I also think rightly or wrongly that typically it is the daughter’s mum who provides more support, my MIL has virtually no relationship with my daughter and certainly has never helped us in any way whatsoever, my mum is much more involved.

Ultimately though here OP your annoyed at the wrong person because it’s not your place to ask PIL, it’s your husband’s. They are his parents. If he’s not actually even asking for help or support then you can’t be annoyed you aren’t receiving it.

Its up to the GPS maybe you EXPECT to much you sound very entitled.
Its not there fault what as happened with your parents.
Op some advice dont go around in life expecting things.
Your kids you deal with them now thats called becoming a parent.

I wouldn’t go out of my way to help you either, to be honest. You sound hugely entitled, and give the impression they somehow owe you their time and assistance. They don’t - whatever they’re willing to offer is a bonus. Your IL’s don’t exist as a convenience to make your life easier. Look after your own children, and take them to visit their grandparents so they can just enjoy each other’s company without all the pressure that ‘childcare’ involves.

OP, if you do require childcare, it should be your husband to manage that conversation with his parents - I don't think can have expectations on someone else's parents

You deal with the grandchild you have at the time. You don’t limit your contact with them so that you can allocate extra time for future grandchildren that may or may not arrive

Anything for my kids is fitted around the other grandchildren and their care and yes it pisses us off. And this is just for visits as we live too far away for any actual help, but hearing about my MIl not being able to visit my children on their birthdays or Christmas because ‘what about the others’ she cares for for free several times a week is VERY annoying. My children have never had a family Christmas because of it. So I get the frustration but also would be grateful for any help as we get none at all even in emergencies.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable.

however, I am basically in your SIL’s shoes. I am the only child (and only daughter, I have two brothers) who has had children for the last 10 years. My children are aged between 10 and 2. My parents have always, and still do, done the majority of our childcare. My brothers are now starting to have kids but my parents won’t be helping them in the same way, they like their routines and my kids are part of that routine, they are reluctant to change it. I’m sure my brothers will probably feel the same way as you and I wouldn’t blame them. It isn’t that they won’t love the kids the same, it’s just mine have been such a huge part of their life for so long it would be a massive change for them in their late 60s to start it all over again x