Friend having affair - utterly sickened by it

Though, to all intents and purposes, OP is morally superior.

you think the OP is fundamentally “morally superior” to her friend? Or fact that she would never have an affair whereas her friend is having an affair makes her “morally superior” on this one particular issue? @Jumpingthruhoops

Not really. She's just asking a question.
Though, to all intents and purposes, OP is morally superior. Is what it is 🤷‍♀️

That you know of

Oh I disagree. No one person fulfills everything and I’ve known dopamine chasers to cheat because they crave the thrill of the new. But they loved their partners deeply. But like any compulsive behaviour, it can over ride sense.

Well.... I do not like cheaters. It makes me physically ill, so I am not friends with any....

Totally agree with this.

I find it odd to see how many people seem to be flummoxed by the possibility that people change their minds and opinions over time…

especially when it’s probably been informed by life experience

Well, that's what they say isn't it:
'If they'll do it with you, they'll do it to you!'

This! 👏👏

Slightly off the subject but......I'd be a rich woman if I had a pound for every time I've come across women who are 10+ years younger, who ditch the husband when he becomes a bit decrepit. They are the same women who run off with married men in the first place. There's a pattern. Dont these stupid men realise that when they get ' a younger model', the very same motivation. that drove the women to go for a richer, older more established partner in the first place is exactly the kind of motivation that also propels the woman to ditch them when they become slightly hard work. Duh !!!

You can love her and hate what she's doing. You can also love her, hate what she's doing and state a boundary that you don't want to hear about her affair. If you don't love her then there's no friendship to lose.

OP has less tolerance now because people grow and change; something she likely assumed her friend would do. Only, it turns out she was wrong, so now wants to distance herself. Not sure what part of that people seem to be struggling with!?

OP isn't the one at fault here. Nooo, that would be the person having the affair...

Yabu to discuss her situation online. Just distance if you don’t like it.

Maybe not hypocrisy so much as a different group of posters.

I bet a large number of the ‘it’s none of your business. Don’t judge, she’s just unhappy’ crew are women who have cheated. They are attracted to these threads because it resonates with their experience.

when a posters DH has cheated, it attracts all the women who have been cheated on. And they have nothing positive to say about the cheating men.

MN is predominantly women, so you are less likely to get balanced responses from men who’ve been cheated on/have cheated.

Absolutely!

It’s a ridiculous double standard as is the old age ‘must be sooooo unhappy rubbish’.

There is so much research base now showing that cheating is not always because of unhappy relationships but something inherently flawed in the cheat but let’s all ignore that and continue to find a way to blame the betrayed partner who is a victim of the abuse that cheating causes!

You don't need to come on here and ask us (I say this nicely). If you want to distance yourself from your friend because of this, then that's your right. Maybe don't cut her off completely, but you're allowed to create some space between you and ask not to speak about the affair with her x

Odd thing is if this was the husband cheating it would be a completely different thread of comments.

This. Lots of MNers seem to think like this. Friend’s DH cheating? Tell her. Friend cheating on her DH? Support her. Such hypocrisy.

I totally get this OP. Our opinions on people, and their behaviour, matures as we get older.

people make lots of silly decisions when they are young, but I think that if they are still behaving like idiots when they have kids, it starts to look much more selfish.

It’s like people getting drunk on nights out- almost ubiquitous behaviour in your teens, but I’d distance myself from a 40 something person still behaving like that every weekend. So I can see why you no longer want to tolerate her behaviour in relationships.

Lots of pps saying you can’t judge a person’s relationship. It’s true- she might be miserable. But she’s a grown up who can make better choices. She can just walk out.

No one, who’s happy, ever gets dragged out of a marriage.

It’s her business, not yours, but if you want to end the friendship, then you can do so.

I called out my friend in what was becoming an emotional affair she was single him not so. Affairs can destroy the cheated on.

So she has always bed. Like that and it’s only now you have an issue with it!!!

I would have distanced myself a long time ago. She's one of those women whose main focus is men. They only need women to complain to and give them alibis. I wouldn't even bother with an explanation, she probably won't notice.

Agree with this.

I would also say that what appears to be the primary reason for ending a marriage often isn't the entire or only reason.

The only people who really know what's going in a marriage are the two people in it, and they will often disagree!

She’s a horrible person. I would have ended the friendship over the first infidelity I found out about. Stop wasting your time and emotional energy on someone who is morally bankrupt.

Why are you her friend?

People’s lives are messy. They make mistakes. You obviously are not compatible as friends any more because this is a mistake too far for you personally, but coming on here to complain about her makes it seem like you’re relishing your moral superiority.

I wouldn’t end a longstanding friendship over this. But you obviously would, So do.