To expect DH to still do the night feeds while he’s on paternity leave?

I almost can’t believe what I’ve read - except that so many man seem to have the same idea.

YANBU

He is being incredibly unreasonable. He needs to be doing half the night feeds and half the housework. He doesn’t need to be treating this as a holiday, having long baths or “feeling productive” 🙄

My exh was a terrible selfish arse of a husband and father but at least with dd1 (who I thought was a terrible sleeper until dd2 came along and redefined that concept) he would take her from about 9-1 while i slept then i would take over from 1-7. If either of us managed to get her down for a stretch, happy days but at least neither of us were actually psychotic with lack of sleep.
This has to stop. If he is not being an equal loving partner and father now, it will not change and for god’s sake don’t have any more children with him. Your marriage won’t last if you don’t nip this in the bud now, the resentment will eat you up. He needs a wake up call.

Lazy fucker

Are you seriously asking if he should be doing m his share of looking after his newborn rather than leaving you to do everything? What kind of father moans about being exhausted when a. He isn't b. His wife has been up all night c. There is a newborn in the house - you're all supposed to he exhausted. You need to get him doing night feeds quick and continue when he goes back to work otherwise you'll quickly be in a situation where the baby 'won't settle for him'. You need to have a proper talk with him about how he is a parent and that means doing half the parenting when he is not at work

If he is doing shared parental leave instead of pat leave (ie taking up some of your share of mat leave so you have to go back earlier) then I'd be telling him to go back to work and having longer off myself when things were more settled.

It’s paternity leave not a holiday. He should obviously be doing half the work. Otherwise he can go back to work.

My ex-husband treated paternity leave like a holiday and then also seemed to think that I was on a permanent holiday being on maternity leave.

I think you need to sit down with him and say these are the things that need to happen every single day and we need to share out this division of labour. Whilst you’re on paternity leave which of the night feeds do you want to do?

@Mafiauger His behaviour is atrocious. Stop it now or he won’t change. My DH was back at work and did much more.

If you are doing shared parental leave he’s taking the two(?) three(?) months due to you, at the end of your maternity leave, to sit around doing fuck all.

It’s only worth it to you if he is really helpful. Can you point this out to him, and suggest transferring that leave back to you now?

Why not? If the baby is bottle fed, why is it more OP's responsibility to do the night feeds than her husband's? If he was having to get up for work, that would be different, but he is on paternity leave, not on holiday.

Fuck that, he needs to pull his weight. Don’t even think of letting him get away with being such a lazy arse. He’s not on holiday!

Shared parental leave, as in, you are losing time from maternity for this? Because it sounds like he may as well get back to work if he's going to be useless.

@AliceMaforethought Yes, the OP should for help with whatever she wants/needs help with.

Personally, I didn’t want or need help with night feeds but I def. needed help with the house, meals, etc. We’re all different.

Right now, he’s not doing enough, and complaining about the little that he does do. It’s ridiculous.

I wouldn't necessarily make him do the nights, but I would jolly well make him step up and do more of the housework.

Why can't he do every other night.
Lazy sod, send him back to work, it's not annual leave he is on.

Haha, I did all the night feeds for my wife and went to work in the day (no parental leave). It was the least I could do to support.

Tell him to “man up” (excuse the phrase)

Passion killer, isn't it??

Why wouldn't you expect it? This is his child too.

Your DH seems to be labouring under the misapprehension that paternity leave is a holiday. He needs a rocket up his arse for that.

He should be doing the majority of the housework, cooking and laundry while you are recovering from the birth and if you are bottle feeding he should definitely be sharing the night feeds so that you can also get in a decent few hours of sleep.

I breastfeed so DP didn’t share the feeds - he did everything else! Cooking, cleaning, nappies, the works.

I was recovering from a section and having a torrid time with breastfeeding (tongue tied baby), so you bet he stepped up. I would’ve just laughed hollowly if he’d suggested I do everything, because it would’ve been a deeply unfunny joke 😂

Sorry your spouse is being useless OP - will he listen to reason??

PS. Your mileage may vary, especially if you’re not BF, but I would’ve gone totally doolally unless I’d bedshared (safe sleep 7 guidelines apply). Game changer!!

How selfish do you have to be to take maternity leave from your childs mother for a holiday?

Utterly shameful and a new MN low.

This. Cunt.

I despair at the absolute garbage men I read about on here. Utter failure of a man. Who does he think he is?

Oh and you are essentially giving up some of your maternity leave and time with the baby so that prick can have a jolly

If he doesn’t think he should be participating in childcare and child related tasks now, whilst on paternity leave (!!), then you have zero chance of him ever doing anything. Unless you stick a boot up his arse right now. However, he’s an atrocious human being and I would probably be done after this as he’s shown how utterly selfish he is and how little love or respect he has for you. You deserve better ❤️

How sad that the baby is only three weeks old and already the novelty has worn off - he's choosing to not spend all the time he can with them. Tidy spice rack indeed. Twat.