Quirks my mum has

I have a lot of mugs.
I wonder if people judge me for it?

I am not precious about any mugs - although I avoid giving one of them out as I'd be a bit sad if if got broke.

It does mean I can open the cupboard and pick the right mug to make someone smile.

Imagine Autism/ADHD as a spectrum, for a very simplistic example imagine a ruler running from whatever is the opposite of Autism (perhaps not autistic for this purpose) to profoundly autistic, or for more nuance a globe shape encompassing spectrums of Autism, ADHD, introversion and whatever other personal characteristics.

The place on the ruler (or the parts of the globe) where someone tips over from "not autistic" into "autistic" are an entirely man made construct.

So, for example, it could be easy to get a diagnosis of autism for someone with echolaic speech, lines up toys, still in pads as an older child but even experts could disagree about whether someone should have a diagnosis if they are in a grey area.

Personally I think that autism/ adhd are not one thing but many things. I imagine this like someone could have a presentation of a "sore leg" but this could be caused by tens if not hundreds of different things.

I think presentations of autism could be caused by thousands of genetic variances, environmental factors/pollutants, social environmental factors, trauma etc.

Viewed from this perspective it is quite subjective whether someone in the grey area is "autistic" or "not autistic" and whichever side they fall on those people are just variations of "normal".

Personally I don't particularly believe in neurodivergent/ neurotypical - I think we are all complex mixes and we would be better off thinking about people who cope well with societal expectations and people who find it more difficult to manage societal expectations.

Questions to consider for your mum are:
Would a diagnosis improve her life?
Would medication (with or without a diagnosis) improve her life?
Would any other intervention such as therapy be welcome or helpful?
Can your mum's need for alone time/certain rituals be accommodated to make your mum more comfortable?
Is she happy as she is or does she want to change?

** If too long didn't read: if you mum is happy let her get on with it. If your mum thinks a diagnosis could improve her life ask her to see her GP about this.

No it doesn't.

What about the vague information that OP has mentioned correlates wirh diagnostic criteria for Autism? Either DSM V or ICD 11?

Please tell me.

And just to point out again, that you and a PP have terrible comprehension skills as OP said her sibling had been diagnosed with Autism but OP didn't know if that was an actual diagnosis or self-diagnosed.

It sounds very much like autism and given you have a sibling that has been diagnosed as autistic it is likely she inherited it from your mum.
For the people saying that having one or more of these traits doesn't make you ND are right but the point is when you have someone who has a specific special interest, rules around food, safe cutlery/plates/drinking cups, struggles with sensory input, it's the totality of these symptoms that makes it different.

You say she can be difficult to deal with and you think she might just want to annoy people, I think it would be good to understand how generational trauma works. Autism is highly genetic, women historically have not been considered to even be possible to be autistic or have to display high support needs for it to be recognized. This creates women who need to learn to cope, don't even understand themselves which can create toxic coping mechanisms and when you are passing this down it creates a difficult environment.

But the OP says she's unsure if her siblings has been diagnosed by the NHS or another practitioner or has self-diagnosed.

Yes!

People seem to focus on really peripheral behaviours that some ND have, but also so does the majority of the population if taken in isolation or small grouping, rather than the actual core symptoms that make a diagnosis.

Especially when it comes to women and girls.

So not liking tight clothes, the feeling of hard fabrics like denim, not liking itchy wool, labels in clothing that irritate, clothes around the neck for example becomes potentially 'sensory issues' suggestive of ASC rather than the reality that most people don't like uncomfortable clothes!

If your sibling has been diagnosed AuDHD then it will have come from somewhere. That's what the NHS paediatrician kindly pointed out to me and DS's dad at his assessment! So actually quite possible your mum is autistic.

If it helps your diagnosis at all, some wallpaper patterns make my eyes go funny. I have a preferred small plate for portion control, and eating too much at a meal makes me uncomfortable. I can get a bit 'funny' in the cinema with the loud volume and intense large images. I love to walk and sit outside by myself. I don't smoke and will use any mug. I'm not ND. I would say though, if she's a smoker and her appetite is decreasing and she's very full after eating only a little, gets light headed, and this is newish, a chat with her GP wouldn't go amiss.

As an AuDHD woman (diagnosed through the NHS): these are just quirks.
Having a few little quirks/preferences does not suggest ND.

Current discourse, especially social media accounts that bang on about “lesser known signs,” seem to have reinforced an idea that being slightly introverted, preferring a certain spoon, or disliking certain sounds are clear evidence that somebody is almost certainly autistic/ADHD…even when these are the only ‘signs’ the person has and there is absolutely nothing else to suggest this.

Considering I've just had a conversation with with an acquaintance who thinks her nephew must be ND because he needs alone time and doesnt want other people playing with his toys, or touching his food, honestly at this point I dont know. I thought this person would be smart enough to recognise that her whole family are noisy extroverts who are in each other's pockets and operate on a 'whats yours is mine' policy, but she is oblivious. She thinks they are normal and he's not. I never normally doubt people but the conversation shocked me a bit, I tried to suggest he was just a bit of an introvert who maybe didnt like the idea of other people breaking his toys or putting dirty hands in his food and she looked at me like I was mad.

Does she have a few siblings or is she the youngest, OP?

My mum was the youngest of 5, grew up poor and had a few funny quirks that I put down to her upbringing.

Could be either. Why does it matter?

It does sound like an anxiety thing to me. All these things make her feel safe. Ironically the smoking too. It could be ND but it could just as easily be past trauma. Have you asked her about them?

Could be either or neither or both, lol. People can be quirky for many reasons. Why?

Does she live by herself?
I think people who live by themselves and don't socialise much or have other people in their homes much often develop their own habits which other people see as eccentric but is just their own way of doing things.
Do you really need to label her?

I'm quite particular about things. Especially preference around plates, mugs and cutlery (although I let visitors use them!). I value alone time too otherwise I get overwhelmed, I'm introverted so need to decompress alone.