To think most “mum friendship groups” are just thinly veiled cliques?

😂

Also they stop posting once someone calls them out for using AI, even if they were posting heaps before that.

I didn't ask you to apologise for anything. But thanks for confirming that you are in a clique!

Yes. Plenty of times. I don't live in a rough area though, I live in a nice middle class area. So I see no fighting or arguments, just people happily drinking all night, and walking home together laughing and singing. (Men and women.) I definitely see nasty little cliques in the women in the village though - particularly the school mum groups and in the Church. I see little - in fact none really - when it comes to men.

Why do people on here get so salty when someone critisizes women? It's not against the law you know, and women are not perfect, and they ARE a lot more toxic when they fall out. Vengeful and spiteful. Not all women are like this of course, but are more likely to be like this when the friendship breaks down. They are also far more likely to have a friend, then make a new friend, and leave the first friend out. Men don't do this.

@Zov

Tell me you're in a school mum friendship clique without telling me you're in a school mum friendship clique.

Why in God's name would I have to apologise to you for having friends?

🤣

The average class has 30 children so up to 60 parents. Any group of that size, especially thrown together randomly, is going to have politics. It's also not very comfortable to confront someone who might have offended or upset you when you know you're going to have to continue to see them every day for years and your child is going to be with their child, so any tensions are going to sit there awkwardly.

It's not at all surprising that everyone will have their own groups that they get on better with and others will be a bit left out.

Try being a 26 yo Stepmum jumping off the bus a playground full of 40+ yo friends of your husband's ex climbing out of Range Rovers. It's not nice being excluded but let's be honest, I had nothing in common with those women and none of us would have stayed friends.

Yes! Once you spot it, they stick out like a sore thumb.

Generic, weirdly structured, forced empathy - there will always be things like ‘fair take and I agree…’ and 3 word usernames, no history…

Too right. It's very very sad that some people are stuck at this stage of development. It's like, what was their life between being at school themselves and now doing it all again as parents?

If you’re lucky enough to be “popular” and included then obviously you don’t reflect or care how it’s like for others who aren’t.

Let's break this down and see how ridiculous it is. There are 25-30 children in the average primary school class. If 2 or 3 of the mums decide to go to Costa after drop off, do they have to invite the other 27 too, so they don't feel left out? And if not everyone is available, then just not go? What about women who already know each other through older kids, swimming, Rainbows, gymnastics - are they supposed to not talk to each other because, you know, clique? What about the people who just aren't interested in talking - and there are plenty of those on MN. Headphones in, hood up, "don't talk to me" vibes.

It's always the socially awkward, lacking in confidence, anxious people who start wanging on about cliques and exclusion and you know what? It isn't other people's problems to solve your lack of perceived popularity for you. In ANY situation you have to put yourself out there, say yes to invitations to events you might not be terribly keen on, proactively start conversations rather than having this weird expectation that everyone else should be making the effort to include you.

@Zov

I think quite a number of women have experienced this. You can see the ones on this thread who haven't - and are very likely part of said 'cliques.' You can see the toxic comments coming out from a few posters ... Comments like 'oh you struggle to make friends so you blame other people?' So rude.

Sorry if you think its rude, but the hard truth is that if you insist on seeing everyone else's friendships as a conspiracy against you, the problem is with you. It's nothing to do with whether you're introverted or extroverted. It's how you frame other people's lives and how you perceive your entitlement to be in their lives.

Part of being an adult is accepting that not everyone will like you, that you're not always going to be good at everything or invited to everything. That doesn't mean you're not likeable or liked, it means you're not in this particular group. Failing to make peace with this and lashing out at people for forming friendship groups which don't include you suggests that you haven't properly grasped this.

It's not all about you.

Some lovely mums over the years. I know what you mean op. Some adult women give off mean girl vibes. Hard break into hobby groups too if they know each other. Whatsapp groups can be helpful for school stuff too.

This isn't limited to women, so you either have a sexist or very narrow view.

From observing males, they have cliques, they jostle for position, they compete for attention.

I find it strange when people only focus on women, as if it's solely women's job to be inclusive and kind.

Tell me you're in a school mum friendship clique without telling me you're in a school mum friendship clique.

Take this response
They can be that and that’s great when it happens. But I’ve also seen situations where the group becomes exclusionary - even subtly. It’s not always about laughter and lattes; sometimes it’s about social hierarchy, even among mums.

The response always start with a shortish phrase agreeing with others points. The next sentence is the 'but' - the dash is a common AI sign as well. The ' it's not always laughter and lattes, sometimes' is another common AI phrasing (!not sure what's called thought).
Try reading all the OPs responses together and you'll see the pattern.

Join? As in pay your subs every year and turn up to meetings led by the queen bee? The words you've used are giving that vibe even if that wasn't intended. Which is why I don't join friendship groups, I just have friends.

A typical response to someone who says something you don't like, and don't agree with. You must have spent AGES creating this incredible and thought-provoking response.

@Zov

That is pretty much accurate though. As a whole, whilst female friends can be invaluable when everything is going right, they can turn really nasty when you fall out, and the friendship goes go tits up. They sometimes gang up with other women, and can be really unpleasant. Male friendship groups don't tend to go down this route.

Really? Have you ever been at a pub at kicking out time?

@SunflowerLife

I have definitely witnessed toxic behaviour amongst some " school mum" groups. To anyone who is introverted and making friends doesn't come too easily, I can see why some might be perceived as cliques. I have had school mum friends who I saw in my own time so I understand that side of it, but I've also definitely been on the wrong side of an unpleasant group of women at the school.

Yeah this. ^ I think quite a number of women have experienced this. You can see the ones on this thread who haven't - and are very likely part of said 'cliques.' You can see the toxic comments coming out from a few posters ... Comments like 'oh you struggle to make friends so you blame other people?' So rude.

To be fair, whilst I agree with you, I’ve definitely worked places that have a Queen Bee. And it’s often a man!

I haven’t read more than 2 or 3 of the OP’s posts, I just came on to point out that this is AI generated bollocks.

No, men who dislike other men gang up and rip them apart quite overtly, and bully them mercilessly. It's called banter. When men seriously fall out its not uncommon for it to end in physical violence.

Or just a bunch of mums who have a chat and a laugh when doing the school run and it brightens up their day?

Humans, including human mothers, form social groups.

The end.

I’m terrible at working that out. Is there an obvious style to AI generated posts?