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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who seems to be unreasonable and greedy? Looking for unbiased opinions and perspectives.

161 replies

SequinTheDay · 04/08/2025 00:01

Indian family of 4 sons; father passed away leaving a will (registered and valid) splitting inheritance equally (25% each). Family migrated to the UK when kids were young.

  • 1st son: Rebellious, estranged from parents for years, had a love marriage parents didn’t support. Claims to have signed a document 4 decades ago renouncing inheritance (no copy exists). Wants his 25%, plans to pass it to his kids.
  • 2nd son: No contact with parents, divorced twice, parents still cared and loved him.
  • 3rd son: Family favourite, expected to inherit everything or at least exclude eldest brother. Divorced once, remarried recently.
  • 4th son: Follows 3rd son’s lead, divorced once, remarried recently.

Conflict: Eldest son’s brothers call him greedy/selfish for claiming his 25%. They thought inheritance would exclude him due to that old signed paper. Eldest wants to keep his share for his kids, not sell.

Question: Is the eldest son selfish for wanting the 25% left to him in the will?

YABU: Yes
YANBU: No

OP posts:
autienotnaughty · 04/08/2025 04:34

4 sons left 25% each. What they do with their 25% is upto them. If eldest son wants to keep his, give his back, give it to his kids or give it to charity it’s up to him.
The dad wanted them to have 25% each sons 2,3,4 need to respect that. It’s not grabby of son 1 to keep it, it is grabby of 2,3,4 to expect it.

ResultsMayVary · 04/08/2025 03:36

It sounds like the first son is being held to higher standards than his younger brothers. They didn't approve of his marriage yet the golden child is divorced.

The older brother has a right to his share and to do with it as he sees fit. Sounds like he needs to ignore his brothers - I suspect they won't be happy whatever he does so he may as well please himself.

Ferrissia3 · 04/08/2025 03:29

SequinTheDay · 04/08/2025 00:18

It's not a long process because the land is already in his name, the will has been recognised and its valid.

What he is doing gift deed power attorney to his kids. His brothers want to stop this from happening. Hence, the swearing and shouting.

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I think his brothers should back off, respect the will, and just try to get over it. You sound like a pretty dysfunctional family, and making a decision to stop fighting with each other will probably help everyone.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 04/08/2025 02:42

It’s his to keep or transfer to his children as he wishes. The brothers should accept it and stop being so greedy and aggressive and back off.

Original poster
SequinTheDay · 04/08/2025 02:00

NeedZzzzzssss · 04/08/2025 01:59

I think all the rest of the info is noise and irrelevant and you're not really thinking of it from that cultural perspective which is very different. So really all you can do is see what happens next and probably not get too caught up in the drama

Edited
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Fair enough!

OP posts:
NeedZzzzzssss · 04/08/2025 01:59

SequinTheDay · 04/08/2025 01:55

LOL fair enough! The 3rd son is pissed because the eldest son wants to give equal share to his daughters and son, he believes daughters have no right to inheritance. Sorry if this is a drip feed! Not sure if it is or not.

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I think all the rest of the info is noise and irrelevant and you're not really thinking of it from that cultural perspective which is very different. So really all you can do is see what happens next and probably not get too caught up in the drama

Original poster
SequinTheDay · 04/08/2025 01:55

NeedZzzzzssss · 04/08/2025 01:54

I doubt it would've made any difference, they probably would've just changed his mind or forged the will! 🤣

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LOL fair enough! The 3rd son is pissed because the eldest son wants to give equal share to his daughters and son, he believes daughters have no right to inheritance. Sorry if this is a drip feed! Not sure if it is or not.

OP posts:
NeedZzzzzssss · 04/08/2025 01:54

SequinTheDay · 04/08/2025 01:51

The challenge is estrangement and denouncing is irrelevant because this was never done legally. It was just "said". He signed a document, but this wasn't notarised.

The only thing that is legal and stands is that will. That will states out what each son gets along with first sons wife name. 25% each.

The FIL should have sat everyone down and explained his wishes were to share everything equally. He didn't tell anyone, it only came out when the will was read.

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I doubt it would've made any difference, they probably would've just changed his mind or forged the will! 🤣

Original poster
SequinTheDay · 04/08/2025 01:53

EmeraldShamrock000 · 04/08/2025 01:51

Not in the slightest. He is entitled to the amount.
Oh I bet 3rd son is fuming.

Yup, he was fuming when the will was read because he expected to get everything.

On the will it states clearly each son and what they're entitled to. Plus, it has the eldest son wife name on it too.

He never told anyone about this will and his intentions. It only transpired after he died. The eldest son doesn't want to sell anything or profit from it, just give it to his kids and keep it in his family.

The 3rd son is pissed because he wants to give equal share to his daughters too and son, he believes daughters have no right to inheritance.

OP posts:
Original poster
SequinTheDay · 04/08/2025 01:51

NeedZzzzzssss · 04/08/2025 01:48

Sadly inheritance (or money) tends to being out the worst in people and that's when siblings care about each other, so this is bound to be difficult. If there's a will though then it might be straightforward. But if he's been absent as well as denouncing the will this complicates everything on top of doing something in another country with different rules and views about these kinds of things

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The challenge is estrangement and denouncing is irrelevant because this was never done legally. It was just "said". He signed a document, but this wasn't notarised.

The only thing that is legal and stands is that will. That will states out what each son gets along with first sons wife name. 25% each.

The FIL should have sat everyone down and explained his wishes were to share everything equally. He didn't tell anyone, it only came out when the will was read.

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock000 · 04/08/2025 01:51

Not in the slightest. He is entitled to the amount.
Oh I bet 3rd son is fuming.

NeedZzzzzssss · 04/08/2025 01:48

SequinTheDay · 04/08/2025 01:38

The 3rd son never looked after his parents. Only the 2nd and 4th son did. I agree, with the petty bit and can see how it would be viewed like that.

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Sadly inheritance (or money) tends to being out the worst in people and that's when siblings care about each other, so this is bound to be difficult. If there's a will though then it might be straightforward. But if he's been absent as well as denouncing the will this complicates everything on top of doing something in another country with different rules and views about these kinds of things

Original poster
SequinTheDay · 04/08/2025 01:38

NeedZzzzzssss · 04/08/2025 01:34

Totally. And I'm assuming he's the more fortunate one if they're still living there and looked after both parents. Not to mention OP says they'd rather it go to charity or tax than to them. They all sound equally petty and grabby.

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The 3rd son never looked after his parents. Only the 2nd and 4th son did. I agree, with the petty bit and can see how it would be viewed like that.

OP posts:
NeedZzzzzssss · 04/08/2025 01:34

Hankunamatata · 04/08/2025 01:15

There isn't a right or wrong.

I can understand the brothers frustrations that their sibling made a big issue about renouncing any inheritance yet now wants the inheritance- bit disingenuous.

Totally. And I'm assuming he's the more fortunate one if they're still living there and looked after both parents. Not to mention OP says they'd rather it go to charity or tax than to them. They all sound equally petty and grabby.

Original poster
SequinTheDay · 04/08/2025 01:17

Hankunamatata · 04/08/2025 01:15

There isn't a right or wrong.

I can understand the brothers frustrations that their sibling made a big issue about renouncing any inheritance yet now wants the inheritance- bit disingenuous.

I agree with this and can see how it would be viewed. But, there’s no need for shouting or swearing. It’s a shame all round.

OP posts:
Original poster
SequinTheDay · 04/08/2025 01:16

NeedZzzzzssss · 04/08/2025 01:13

Maybe your dad can give her his share secretly so she has some independence

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Lol, if he can’t give it to his kids - he’d rather give the money to charity than give it to her or his brothers. She’s always hated him and resented him.

He’s most distressed by the swearing and shouting he’s receiving in phone calls. She’s in the background speaking/shouting too. However, it’s his brother mainly doing the phone calls.

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 04/08/2025 01:15

There isn't a right or wrong.

I can understand the brothers frustrations that their sibling made a big issue about renouncing any inheritance yet now wants the inheritance- bit disingenuous.

Original poster
SequinTheDay · 04/08/2025 01:14

Idk why my posts are being posted twice, it’s so weird! Sorry!

OP posts:
Original poster
SequinTheDay · 04/08/2025 01:14

fruitywineglass · 04/08/2025 01:10

What is this "demand for power of attorney" you speak of?

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Basically in India if you give power of attorney to someone, like a specific power attorney relation to a land/property. That means you’re giving someone power to manage your estate and they can do what they like.

The 3rd son wants specific power of attorney from the eldest son, so he can transfer his inheritance to his sons.

However, the eldest son wants to give his inheritance to his kids. He’s not profiting from it or receiving a penny, he’s passing it down.

OP posts:
Original poster
SequinTheDay · 04/08/2025 01:14

Basically in India if you give power of attorney to someone, like a specific power attorney relation to a land/property. That means you’re giving someone power to manage your estate and they can do what they like. They can sell or transfer it.

The 3rd son wants specific power of attorney from the eldest son, so he can transfer his inheritance to his sons.

However, the eldest son wants to give his inheritance to his kids. He’s not profiting from it or receiving a penny, he’s passing it down.

OP posts:
NeedZzzzzssss · 04/08/2025 01:13

SequinTheDay · 04/08/2025 01:10

It’s such a big embarrassment tbh. The will cannot be challenged unfortunately. As everything was in his name and his to give.

She used to live with 2nd son but he kicked her out, 1st and 3rd son refused to have her so the 4th one took her in. She’s been kicked out by her 3 sons multiple times.

Maybe your dad can give her his share secretly so she has some independence

fruitywineglass · 04/08/2025 01:10

SequinTheDay · 04/08/2025 00:18

It's not a long process because the land is already in his name, the will has been recognised and its valid.

What he is doing gift deed power attorney to his kids. His brothers want to stop this from happening. Hence, the swearing and shouting.

Show quote history

What is this "demand for power of attorney" you speak of?

Original poster
SequinTheDay · 04/08/2025 01:10

NeedZzzzzssss · 04/08/2025 01:05

The real person who should be getting the money is the mum. All the sons sound greedy! Who is looking after the mum? They should get the majority share imo

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It’s such a big embarrassment tbh. The will cannot be challenged unfortunately. As everything was in his name and his to give.

She used to live with 2nd son but he kicked her out, 1st and 3rd son refused to have her so the 4th one took her in. She’s been kicked out by her 3 sons multiple times.

OP posts:
Original poster
SequinTheDay · 04/08/2025 01:10

It’s such a big embarrassment tbh. The will cannot be challenged unfortunately. As everything was in his name and his to give.

She used to live with 2nd son but he kicked her out, 1st and 3rd son refused to have her so the 4th one took her in. She’s been kicked out by her 3 sons multiple times.

OP posts:
Original poster
SequinTheDay · 04/08/2025 01:06

JHound · 04/08/2025 01:01

So?

Ignore them

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I agree!

OP posts:
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