Sounds as if the OPhas a good handle on the situation going forward, and I hope very much things can be improved upon and resolved in a short space of time.
Reading some of the replies has been interesting, and one thing I would add is that sometimes a situation can go from 0 - 100 in almost a split second, without time to "choose your words" or do a big picture calculation. Also, there are occasions where you have a bewildering "row" with a lived one, apparently out of nowhere, and later on, when the dust settles, and you manage to talk it out, you realise you've actually got someone else's argument, possibly a boss or a colleague or any other figure where the consequences of "squaring up" will have "more serious" repercussions that one would wish to avoid
It's like a child screaming "I hate you" because they want to vent, and you're the safe space. I've had it in otherwise loving relationships, where someone finally goes off like a pressure cooker, and whoever is on the receiving end has no idea WTF has happened or where it came from, until later.
I'm not excusing any of it by the way, it's more from a position of both understanding how things blow up out of nowhere and also acknowledging that the aggression is wrong and needs to be addressed, when things have calmed down.
On a wider note, the whole "laundry" and misogyny issues reminded me of a thread I was active on a while back, about Jordan bloody Peterson. I made the point that mothers have been telling their sons to tidy their rooms for years, with extreme resistance and rudeness (Speaking from experience), and then along comes the Prof saying the same and it's like enlightenment from on high. Someone clapped back with "well how would you like it if a member of the opposite sex told you what to do".
I don't think I managed to write a coherent reply because it was just like having a bucket of cold "woman know your place" water chucked over me. And it made me so angry and sad that still, even in terms of child rearing and relationships, women are seen as lesser, and deserving of being kept in their place, even by their sons, whose best interests are usually foremost in their minds.
Anyway, this whole thread has been thought provoking in many ways, but most importantly I hope the OP and her son can work things out constructively and that he understands how hurtful and scary his behaviour was to a woman who by all accounts has protected and nurtured him as a single parent for over a decade, and also that she was entitled to defend herself to prevent it escalating by getting him out of the house. That takes some guts and should help with boundaries moving forward.