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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to think I’m being shafted?

83 replies

Ambernectarine22 · 03/08/2025 22:00

My partner and I are in our 50s and don’t live together. I have ‘enough’ money and he has considerably more than me. We share the cost of our meals out, trips away etc 50/50 but… when we go out for a meal or go to the pub he always has more to eat/drink than me. (2 or 3 pints and a starter or a couple of side dishes, for example.) Should I speak to him about this (awkward!) or am I being mean?

OP posts:
Bestfootforward11 · 04/08/2025 23:06

I do think he’s being cheeky here. Whenever I go out with friends, unless we’ve all had pretty much the same, those who’ve had more will immediately offer to pay for what they had and do the maths eg I need to put in £30 so you’re £20. There’s no awkwardness at all and no assumption that others will foot the bill. Sometimes I (or others) might say don’t worry, it’s just a few ££s but there’s no expectation of this. It’s easy to say it’s just a few quid when you’re not the one paying for things you didn’t have. I suspect if it was the other way around, a few ££s would suddenly become very important…

Original poster
Ambernectarine22 · 04/08/2025 22:48

Gave me. Not have me…

OP posts:
Original poster
Ambernectarine22 · 04/08/2025 22:47

We have now had a grown up conversation about it. He said he didn’t realise and was sorry that I had been feeling unhappy about it. It’s out in the open, and you lot have me the push I needed to address the situation. Thank you!

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Original poster
Ambernectarine22 · 04/08/2025 22:43

@RhaenysRocks Yours sounds like a keeper!

OP posts:
Icanttakethisanymore · 04/08/2025 22:30

Sharingaroomtinightthen · 04/08/2025 22:17

I wouldn’t quibble about splitting the bill for the sake of a couple of pints.

It would be nice not to have to but given the OPs partner has more money than her you’d expect he’d realise that he is consistently paying for less than he should and do something to redress the imbalance.

Icanttakethisanymore · 04/08/2025 22:29

Walkacrossthesand · 04/08/2025 22:26

But @Sharingaroomtinightthena couple of pints is £10, and every.single.time. they eat out, OP’s partner expects her to subsidise him. The traffic is never the other way round. That’s not right, and is worth quibbling over.

A couple of pints is not 10 quid where I live, it’s at least 15!

Icanttakethisanymore · 04/08/2025 22:28

It’s quite insensitive of him not to appreciate that you are subbing him often when he is better off. He should either suggest he pays a bit more when he’s had more, or every few outings he should pick up the whole bill.

Walkacrossthesand · 04/08/2025 22:26

But @Sharingaroomtinightthena couple of pints is £10, and every.single.time. they eat out, OP’s partner expects her to subsidise him. The traffic is never the other way round. That’s not right, and is worth quibbling over.

notevencharging · 04/08/2025 22:25

I think I’d be having a more serious conversation with him about finances, if it’s a serious/long term relationship.
Maybe if you explain that you’re on a budget, he will be more considerate going forward and maybe even treat you occasionally!

Sharingaroomtinightthen · 04/08/2025 22:17

I wouldn’t quibble about splitting the bill for the sake of a couple of pints.

YesImaman1100 · 04/08/2025 22:13

CF if you ask me!

RhaenysRocks · 04/08/2025 21:55

HoskinsChoice · 03/08/2025 23:19

Why would he pay for her meal?

Show quote history

Because they're a couple and he presumably cares about her? For comparison, my DP and I (not living together) earn similar but I have far more commitments than him. He almost always picks up the tab, encourages me to have a cocktail or three, loves treating me while my money is tied up in boring shit like a mortgage and teenagers. He likes to do it because he likes me.

DinoLil · 04/08/2025 21:50

Just say you'll be separating the bill going forward, not splitting it, so each of you only pay for what you eat.

Original poster
Ambernectarine22 · 04/08/2025 20:27

@RandomMess Spot on! That’s a great comeback (which I will be keeping up my sleeve)

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Original poster
Ambernectarine22 · 04/08/2025 20:26

@OchreSnail I feel your pain too! How has he been since you told him you’d just be paying for your own food?

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CanOfMangoTango · 03/08/2025 23:32

Ambernectarine22 · 03/08/2025 22:43

Thanks all for your input. It seems so petty but it’s irritating!

It isn't petty. He's tight. A very unattractive quality!

PrincessFiorimonde · 03/08/2025 23:32

Hohofortherobbers · 03/08/2025 22:03

With a partner i wouldn't quibble the drinks bill. I'd quibble the mortgage

But they don't live together, so presumably there's no joint mortgage.

OP, I think, as others have said, you should in future tell your partner you're just going to pay for what you've actually eaten/drunk.

If he thinks that makes you 'mean', then he is not only wrong but he's also a sponger.

It might be only a few quid on every occasion, but it's not just that the ££s add up over time - it's the fact that he doesn't seem to care that he's taking advantage of you.

Good luck!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 03/08/2025 23:21

It’s always the people who want every course going and several drinks who want to split 50:50!

I would want to just pay for what you’re each having, unless he said every few goes “my treat this time as I always have more than you” to even it up.

Rainbowqueeen · 03/08/2025 23:21

You're not being mean. He is.

Just say from now on you will pay for what you order. With trips away, make sure that these are chosen with your budget in mind not his.

If he is anything other than mortified then I would dump.

HoskinsChoice · 03/08/2025 23:19

babyproblems · 03/08/2025 22:02

Agree he’s tight! Why can’t he pay for your meal? You’re a couple aren’t you. Why is it strictly 50:50. He could share a bit here & there..

Why would he pay for her meal?

ScrambledEggs12 · 03/08/2025 22:58

Hohofortherobbers · 03/08/2025 22:03

With a partner i wouldn't quibble the drinks bill. I'd quibble the mortgage

Why would you quibble the mortgage if you didn't live together?

RandomMess · 03/08/2025 22:55

@OchreSnail you can reply “well yes as your share is only a few more £ what’s the issue with you covering it yourself?”

Enrichetta · 03/08/2025 22:53

Just pay for what you are actually consuming.

Does he ever treat you?

Does he stay at yours more than you stay at his? Do you cook for him? If so, does he contribute, either financially or by bringing food, drink, toiletries etc?

Do you feel he cares and has your best interests at heart?

Lots of questions...

OchreSnail · 03/08/2025 22:49

Ambernectarine22 · 03/08/2025 22:00

My partner and I are in our 50s and don’t live together. I have ‘enough’ money and he has considerably more than me. We share the cost of our meals out, trips away etc 50/50 but… when we go out for a meal or go to the pub he always has more to eat/drink than me. (2 or 3 pints and a starter or a couple of side dishes, for example.) Should I speak to him about this (awkward!) or am I being mean?

Oh god, I feel your pain - I have exactly this problem! I said I'll just pay for my own share now (i eat less and always have a cheaper meal and less to drink because that's what i want.) He says it's just a few ££, but it annoys me - I'm pretty skint at the moment, and all those little extra bits add up!

Original poster
Ambernectarine22 · 03/08/2025 22:43

Thanks all for your input. It seems so petty but it’s irritating!

OP posts: