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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to think I’m being shafted?

83 replies

Ambernectarine22 · 03/08/2025 22:00

My partner and I are in our 50s and don’t live together. I have ‘enough’ money and he has considerably more than me. We share the cost of our meals out, trips away etc 50/50 but… when we go out for a meal or go to the pub he always has more to eat/drink than me. (2 or 3 pints and a starter or a couple of side dishes, for example.) Should I speak to him about this (awkward!) or am I being mean?

OP posts:
CoastalCalm · 05/08/2025 19:51

We pay 50/50 into a joint account which includes a chunk of cash for food / meals out - if I feel that he has spent a lot more then I will use the pot to cover something for me like a lunch out , if he wants beers as part of groceries I ask him to transfer the money over to reimburse.

Gettingbysomehow · 05/08/2025 19:48

I would have no problems at all with telling him he pays for his extra food, you're not paying for him especially as you earn less.
Be very blunt and put your foot down. It's the only language a man like this understands.
I loathe a tight wad.

Blablibladirladada · 05/08/2025 19:48

Well, that isn’t fair so yes.

Poopyness · 05/08/2025 19:43

Give him the nickname 'Ducks Arse' and see if he picks up on the hint! 😁

Notateacheranymore · 05/08/2025 19:29

Sharingaroomtinightthen · 04/08/2025 22:17

I wouldn’t quibble about splitting the bill for the sake of a couple of pints.

Maybe not once, but when it’s every time and the meal and drinks are weekly or even more frequently, that’ll add up.

Rednorfolkterrier · 05/08/2025 19:21

What exactly are you getting out of this relationship ? except being short changed…

Titasaducksarse · 05/08/2025 19:11

What a turn off! Also either a lack of awareness or he's tight...either are not ok traits.

PigletSanders · 05/08/2025 19:08

Ambernectarine22 · 05/08/2025 07:15

@Sharingaroomtinightthen It’s not just the odd pint here and there (I don’t drink at all), but starters and side dishes. Recently we went for an Indian and I had a starter, a side dish, a naan and a sparkling water. He had a starter, a main, a side, rice, naan and 2 pints…

There no way this greedy man didn’t see that he was shafting you. He knew damn well. He kept it up for as long as he could get away with it.

The discrepancy in the curry order is shocking.

Pinkdhalia · 05/08/2025 19:03

Pay your bill only. Tell him why. He's enjoying extras because he's not paying for them. I've grandchildren who do that! Extra starters, extra sides a couple of specialist lagers and I have a main and desert and one glass of lager. I've been shafted by them!

Straycats · 05/08/2025 18:57

Ambernectarine22 · 03/08/2025 22:43

Thanks all for your input. It seems so petty but it’s irritating!

Oh please please next time he says oh it’s only a few pounds, please do say “Why thank you for paying for my food, as yes mine is always so little in comparison to yours”! X

Phobiaphobic · 05/08/2025 18:43

He is absolutely taking the piss out of you.

PommieBear · 05/08/2025 18:38

Ambernectarine22 · 03/08/2025 22:00

My partner and I are in our 50s and don’t live together. I have ‘enough’ money and he has considerably more than me. We share the cost of our meals out, trips away etc 50/50 but… when we go out for a meal or go to the pub he always has more to eat/drink than me. (2 or 3 pints and a starter or a couple of side dishes, for example.) Should I speak to him about this (awkward!) or am I being mean?

But before this, order a glass or two of champagne when its his turn to pay first

Spinmerightroundbaby · 05/08/2025 18:36

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 03/08/2025 22:01

Next time, just say you’re going to pay for what you’ve ordered. If he objects, you’re being shafted.

This.

Whiningatwine · 05/08/2025 18:33

I dated one of these. Believe me if you are aware; he is aware. But he is just happy to keep quiet and benefit from it.

Shitshowcentral · 05/08/2025 18:30

Gross he’s never paid for you tbh. Call me old fashioned 🤷♀️

RhaenysRocks · 05/08/2025 18:25

HoskinsChoice · 05/08/2025 17:59

Are you not embarrassed? I'd never let anyone (partner/friends/family) pay for me. It's particularly icky when it's a man you're sponging off.

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Not at all. My money goes on supporting my two kids and our home. I work ft and work bloody hard. If he wants to enjoy a meal out or cinema or even holiday with me, it's on him or it mostly doesn't happen. I'm not forcing him. I'm not sponging...he's choosing to treat me. I'd be much better off if we moved in together and shared costs but I refuse to base my fundamental stability on a man. What he pays for is entirely optional extras which I could live without if needed.

SultanOfSwing · 05/08/2025 18:16

No, he’s the one being mean.

ExperiencedTeacher · 05/08/2025 18:14

HoskinsChoice · 05/08/2025 17:59

Are you not embarrassed? I'd never let anyone (partner/friends/family) pay for me. It's particularly icky when it's a man you're sponging off.

Show quote history

I’m in a similar position to the PP- my partner also treats me a lot. He will more often than not pay for meals/drinks out. He does this because he’s absolutely determined not to be a cock lodger. We don’t live together yet but he spends approx 60% of the week at mine. I don’t want him to pay towards the household because it’s my house, not his, but he hates feeling like he’s sponging off me. For us him “treating” me redresses the balance.

Enrichetta · 05/08/2025 18:11

I am guessing @RhaenysRocks' partner doesn't see it as 'sponging off' but wanting to treat her to something that she could not otherwise afford easily, and he enjoys doing these things with her...

HoskinsChoice · 05/08/2025 17:59

RhaenysRocks · 04/08/2025 21:55

Because they're a couple and he presumably cares about her? For comparison, my DP and I (not living together) earn similar but I have far more commitments than him. He almost always picks up the tab, encourages me to have a cocktail or three, loves treating me while my money is tied up in boring shit like a mortgage and teenagers. He likes to do it because he likes me.

Show quote history

Are you not embarrassed? I'd never let anyone (partner/friends/family) pay for me. It's particularly icky when it's a man you're sponging off.

Todayismyfavouriteday · 05/08/2025 17:52

I could not be with a guy who eats and drinks more and then pays only 50% of the total. However, if he has other redeeming features, next time I'd take the bill, add up what I've consumed, and pay for that amount exactly. If he asks why: 'It's just not fair, is it? You've eaten and drunk more than me.' If he complains, then you'll know what kind of guy you're dating...

arabiannight · 05/08/2025 08:19

This is terrible and tight. My husband wouldn’t dream of me paying for anything. If he earns more he should be paying and occasionally you treating him.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 05/08/2025 08:06

Next time you go out for a meal, calculate your part and give him the money with x for a tip. Just don't say anything or say 'that covers what I've had abd a tip'.

Original poster
Ambernectarine22 · 05/08/2025 07:15

@Sharingaroomtinightthen It’s not just the odd pint here and there (I don’t drink at all), but starters and side dishes. Recently we went for an Indian and I had a starter, a side dish, a naan and a sparkling water. He had a starter, a main, a side, rice, naan and 2 pints…

OP posts:
Sharingaroomtinightthen · 04/08/2025 23:40

Icanttakethisanymore · 04/08/2025 22:29

A couple of pints is not 10 quid where I live, it’s at least 15!

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Wow! It’s about £8 here and honestly I wouldn’t care about paying an extra £4 with someone I’m sleeping with.

Does he get the taxi home OP? Or pay for anything else that might balance it up a bit? What do you drink whilst he's drinking the extra pints? Or is he just a much faster drinker?