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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to think I’m being shafted?

83 replies

Ambernectarine22 · 03/08/2025 22:00

My partner and I are in our 50s and don’t live together. I have ‘enough’ money and he has considerably more than me. We share the cost of our meals out, trips away etc 50/50 but… when we go out for a meal or go to the pub he always has more to eat/drink than me. (2 or 3 pints and a starter or a couple of side dishes, for example.) Should I speak to him about this (awkward!) or am I being mean?

OP posts:
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Original poster
Ambernectarine22 · 06/08/2025 22:58

Thank you, all of you. He’s a pretty good person - straightforward and loyal - and the various responses on here show that this is an emotive subject. We have had a conversation about it and agreed that in future we will split the bill according to who’s had what. (And I will be doing the maths!)

OP posts:
Hopingtobeaparent · 06/08/2025 22:37

Sharingaroomtinightthen · 04/08/2025 22:17

I wouldn’t quibble about splitting the bill for the sake of a couple of pints.

It all adds up, & he’s more wealthy.

OP, he probably just hasn’t given it any thought.

Have the conversation and work out a fairer agreement.

Hopingtobeaparent · 06/08/2025 22:30

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 03/08/2025 22:01

Next time, just say you’re going to pay for what you’ve ordered. If he objects, you’re being shafted.

This.

Someone2025 · 06/08/2025 21:46

Ambernectarine22 · 06/08/2025 19:40

@Notsosure1 He claims to be unaware that there is a discrepancy in our various consumption. If I regularly had more than him I wonder if he would be so unaware!!

He’s lying, everyone keeps an eye on these things, if it was a one off he could probably be excused for not noticing but as you said this happens time and time again

Enrichetta · 06/08/2025 21:19

unaware that there is a discrepancy in our various consumption… yeah, right. He is dissembling - proceed with caution,@Ambernectarine22

Todayismyfavouriteday · 06/08/2025 20:39

Definitely stingy. I'd think twice about moving in with him or sharing anything that involves money, with someone like him... Keep your eyes open!

Notsosure1 · 06/08/2025 19:50

Ambernectarine22 · 06/08/2025 19:40

@Notsosure1 He claims to be unaware that there is a discrepancy in our various consumption. If I regularly had more than him I wonder if he would be so unaware!!

I think an experiment is in order 🤔👀

Original poster
Ambernectarine22 · 06/08/2025 19:40

@Notsosure1 He claims to be unaware that there is a discrepancy in our various consumption. If I regularly had more than him I wonder if he would be so unaware!!

OP posts:
Notsosure1 · 06/08/2025 06:15

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 03/08/2025 23:21

It’s always the people who want every course going and several drinks who want to split 50:50!

I would want to just pay for what you’re each having, unless he said every few goes “my treat this time as I always have more than you” to even it up.

It’s always the people who want every course going and several drinks who want to split 50:50!

I just don’t get this - the entitlement and lack of awareness (not giving a shit how they look). They must just be so tight fisted and keen to seize on any opportunity to save money by taking advantage of other ppl that they just don’t care. How do they rationalise it? That you’re agreeing so you don’t have a problem with it? That you inexplicably want to treat them bc you presumably have a lot more cash than they do?

Iamfree · 06/08/2025 06:12

When I was dating finding someone generous was one of my criteria. Not because I wanted his money but because financial stinginess often equates with emotional stinginess. Please do look at this relationship and see if it’s worth it

Aquababe73 · 06/08/2025 05:56

Sharingaroomtinightthen · 04/08/2025 22:17

I wouldn’t quibble about splitting the bill for the sake of a couple of pints.

A couple of pints is over a tenner these days

Notsosure1 · 06/08/2025 05:48

OchreSnail · 03/08/2025 22:49

Oh god, I feel your pain - I have exactly this problem! I said I'll just pay for my own share now (i eat less and always have a cheaper meal and less to drink because that's what i want.) He says it's just a few ££, but it annoys me - I'm pretty skint at the moment, and all those little extra bits add up!

Show quote history

He says it's just a few ££

Then why doesn’t he pay it? So ridiculous and entitled that he expects you to pay for his extras and be fine with it. Does he ever buy you extra drinks to make up for it at other times so he thinks it evens things out?

You could apply this ‘logic’ to any scenario - you agree to cook 50:50 as you both work and he doesn’t bother on his day so you have to do it - it’s just a few meals

He goes out with friends and tells you he’ll be back at a certain time to allow you to go out later with your friends - he’s late - it’s just a few hours

He sounds like a selfish arsehole.

MathNotMathing · 06/08/2025 05:05

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Isitreallysohard · 06/08/2025 05:03

Yuk, how can you even be with someone like this. I don't even do 50/50 with friends, we just take turns! Does he never treat you? Ick, just ick

Aquababe73 · 06/08/2025 05:00

Nah he sounds like a scrooge. Just pay for what you eat and drink. Easy enough to do. Don't be scared to get into an argument about it. YABR.

Monty27 · 06/08/2025 04:01

I wouldn't be arsed going out to dinner with him tbh

Someone2025 · 06/08/2025 03:47

HoskinsChoice · 06/08/2025 00:26

Oh wow, I didn't think the Internet started this early. The 1950's wants it's post back!

'A gentleman'. 🤣🤣🤣 FFS!

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Not from the 1950 at all, I’m a highly trained professional financially independent woman who doesn’t mind a man buying me dinner occasionally, you do under that such women exist don’t you?

I don’t loose any sense of my independence or feel any lesser than a man just because I let a gentleman buy me dinner but maybe it’s because I’m confident enough in myself and a less confident /more insecure woman would, if his kind of behaviour winds you up then you have little to worry about, I suggest you busy your mind with bigger issues

Sometimes I think women like you are just jealous because no man ever wants to buy you dinner and you more than likely have never encountered gentlemen, only tight fisted broke beer swilling louts

The foul language in your comment gave you away

99bottlesofkombucha · 06/08/2025 00:31

I’m glad you had the conversation. It’s really self centred of them to think being ‘fair’ means they get to mooch off you.

llizzie · 06/08/2025 00:26

Ambernectarine22 · 03/08/2025 22:00

My partner and I are in our 50s and don’t live together. I have ‘enough’ money and he has considerably more than me. We share the cost of our meals out, trips away etc 50/50 but… when we go out for a meal or go to the pub he always has more to eat/drink than me. (2 or 3 pints and a starter or a couple of side dishes, for example.) Should I speak to him about this (awkward!) or am I being mean?

You could arrange for the whole bill to be paid alternatively, so that one week he pays, the next you pay.

If he eats and drinks less when it is his turn to pay, then you know he is taking advantage. Psychology, but might work if you want to know why he does what he does.

Then you can eat and drink more when he is paying, which could even the score.

HoskinsChoice · 06/08/2025 00:26

Someone2025 · 05/08/2025 22:58

Don’t be ridiculous, there is nothing ‘icky’ about a gentleman paying for his partners meal if he wishes to do so and it doesn’t mean he woman is sponging off him if they are in a loving relationship…..what is there to be embarrassed about!!!

Show quote history

Oh wow, I didn't think the Internet started this early. The 1950's wants it's post back!

'A gentleman'. 🤣🤣🤣 FFS!

Someone2025 · 05/08/2025 23:02

Titasaducksarse · 05/08/2025 19:11

What a turn off! Also either a lack of awareness or he's tight...either are not ok traits.

He knows very well he is not paying his fair share….he’s tight, I couldn’t find a man like this attractive

Someone2025 · 05/08/2025 22:58

HoskinsChoice · 05/08/2025 17:59

Are you not embarrassed? I'd never let anyone (partner/friends/family) pay for me. It's particularly icky when it's a man you're sponging off.

Show quote history

Don’t be ridiculous, there is nothing ‘icky’ about a gentleman paying for his partners meal if he wishes to do so and it doesn’t mean he woman is sponging off him if they are in a loving relationship…..what is there to be embarrassed about!!!

OchreSnail · 05/08/2025 22:57

Ambernectarine22 · 04/08/2025 20:26

@OchreSnail I feel your pain too! How has he been since you told him you’d just be paying for your own food?

We're yet to go out and test it in the wild, so I'll have to let you know!
Hopefully he's got it, he knows I'm not so financially stable at the moment. It seems such a weird argument to me.

dontcryformeargentina · 05/08/2025 22:14

Ultimate ick

Chinsupmeloves · 05/08/2025 22:04

Doesn't he treat you once in a while, just says oh i will get this?

Me and DH are in our 50s and a certain kind of chivalry does exist in our generation. When we met he offered to pay but I said no, im getting the next round and next meal. I was a student and he had started his first job.

When I earned more I would treat us, now he earns more he will me and DC. I still treat us but not as much or often. Xxx