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Original poster

Double booked feel guilty

181 replies

TheOpalFox · 03/08/2025 20:58

I have double booked myself . I said I’d have my friends kids for her, but now I have booked a
holiday. I feel so guilty
i cant change the holiday :( but didn’t want to let my friend down
any tips please ? Am I a terrible friend?

OP posts:
SteakBakesAndHotTakes · 04/08/2025 08:54

itsgettingweird · 04/08/2025 06:30

Mn is weird sometimes.

usually it’s all “they’re your kids - you need to sort something. No one owes you childcare”.

Now everyone thinks someone should t take a holiday to have someone else’s kids for 2 days.

OP it’s not great timing but I would never expect a friend to give up their annual holiday to look after my child. I’d be annoyed if they didn’t tell me straight away.

This is why people reverse post

taxidriver · 04/08/2025 08:53

DorothyStorm · 04/08/2025 08:52

What did you use to book the holiday?
How did you let her know? Did you phone or… send a message?
Did you offer to have then or did she ask?

Show quote history

none of these questions need to be considered
it was a mistake
simple as that. your friend can resolve it

DorothyStorm · 04/08/2025 08:52

TheOpalFox · 03/08/2025 21:06

My battery went and my calendar is on my phone . Will it affect my friendship ?

Show quote history

What did you use to book the holiday?
How did you let her know? Did you phone or… send a message?
Did you offer to have then or did she ask?

HelpMeGetThrough · 04/08/2025 08:51

MarieAndTwinette · 04/08/2025 08:31

Surely you would know that you had something big to do around that time? Surely you would have had some dates in mind when you did something as big as booking a holiday? Especially given the expense involved.

I think it is good that you are not having her kids. We all make mistakes but your “flakiness” around this shows a level of disorganisation that I would not trust with children. Also it seems that her children are not that important in your list of priorities. This may not be true but this is what comes across.

I would not want to be in your shoes. She is going to be rightly p*** when you tell her.

Why would someone else kids be up on her list of priorities? Ours were our priority and not anyone else’s, why would they be.

ExercicenformedeZ · 04/08/2025 08:50

Fairytalefarm · 04/08/2025 08:31

Her childcare is not your responsibility. You were doing her a favour, you made an error and booked a holiday at the same time. It's shit but your friend will have to deal with it. She will likely be annoyed for a while, but she'll get over it.

Edited

This.

Moonnstars · 04/08/2025 08:48

ExercicenformedeZ · 04/08/2025 08:45

Your friend shouldn't be using you for childcare. That said, obviously it wasn't great to double book, and you should apologize profusely. But it is CF behaviour to treat friends as childcare, so don't feel too guilty. Does this friend have form for dumping her kids on you?

Not really. Assuming the friend was in a bind with childcare and the OP then offers to do the two days I would say the OP is the CF to mess the friend around believing their childcare was sorted.
If the OP didn't want to look after the children they should have said before that they were looking at booking a holiday so couldn't commit and wouldn't want to let them down last minute.

Spies · 04/08/2025 08:48

ExercicenformedeZ · 04/08/2025 08:45

Your friend shouldn't be using you for childcare. That said, obviously it wasn't great to double book, and you should apologize profusely. But it is CF behaviour to treat friends as childcare, so don't feel too guilty. Does this friend have form for dumping her kids on you?

Why all the ridiculously emotive language like dumping, using, cheeky fucker...

The friend asked and the OP agreed. The.friend has done nothing wrong. You make it sound like she's just ditched her kids on the OPs doorstep without discussion. 🤨

ExercicenformedeZ · 04/08/2025 08:47

landlordhell · 04/08/2025 08:46

Is it? She asked and op agreed.

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She may have guilted OP who felt she couldn't say no.

landlordhell · 04/08/2025 08:46

ExercicenformedeZ · 04/08/2025 08:45

Your friend shouldn't be using you for childcare. That said, obviously it wasn't great to double book, and you should apologize profusely. But it is CF behaviour to treat friends as childcare, so don't feel too guilty. Does this friend have form for dumping her kids on you?

Is it? She asked and op agreed.

ExercicenformedeZ · 04/08/2025 08:45

Your friend shouldn't be using you for childcare. That said, obviously it wasn't great to double book, and you should apologize profusely. But it is CF behaviour to treat friends as childcare, so don't feel too guilty. Does this friend have form for dumping her kids on you?

Wish44 · 04/08/2025 08:41

I think it depends on why you were having them for a friend. Is she having a jolly herself, does she have lots of childcare options or is she having a minor surgery for example. And you are her only childcare. No family etc

if it is something like surgery it’s really bad form and I would be leaving the friendship if this was done to me .

fruitbrewhaha · 04/08/2025 08:35

Have you got a mutual friend who could take over the childcare? Can you pull in a favour from someone so you’re not letting your friend down?

SunflowerLife · 04/08/2025 08:33

taxidriver · 04/08/2025 08:25

that is so ridiculous!

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Agree. OP agreed to do this as a favour, not a legal obligation and the child is not her responsibility. When someone does us a favour, it's on their terms and there's always a chance it could fall through or be retracted. The child's mother needs to book and pay for a solid childcare arrangement if that's what she needs.

MarieAndTwinette · 04/08/2025 08:33

landlordhell · 04/08/2025 08:02

Kind enough to ‘say’ she’d look after the kids . Who books a holiday with phone uncharged? Don’t believe it

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I don’t either. It sounds as though op is making an excuse because she has decided she doesn’t want to do it.

NewDogOwner · 04/08/2025 08:32

You are a great friend who agreed to two days of childcare to help someone out. You made a mistake. Your friend can be pissed off with you but they are her kids so she will have to make other arrangements. Don'f flagellate yourself over this.

Fairytalefarm · 04/08/2025 08:31

Her childcare is not your responsibility. You were doing her a favour, you made an error and booked a holiday at the same time. It's shit but your friend will have to deal with it. She will likely be annoyed for a while, but she'll get over it.

MarieAndTwinette · 04/08/2025 08:31

Surely you would know that you had something big to do around that time? Surely you would have had some dates in mind when you did something as big as booking a holiday? Especially given the expense involved.

I think it is good that you are not having her kids. We all make mistakes but your “flakiness” around this shows a level of disorganisation that I would not trust with children. Also it seems that her children are not that important in your list of priorities. This may not be true but this is what comes across.

I would not want to be in your shoes. She is going to be rightly p*** when you tell her.

taxidriver · 04/08/2025 08:25

Jollyjokers · 04/08/2025 08:13

Is it a UK holiday? Could they come with you? If not I would offer to pay for her childcare elsewhere.

that is so ridiculous!

TheyreLikeUsButRichAndThin · 04/08/2025 08:23

TheOpalFox · 03/08/2025 21:06

My battery went and my calendar is on my phone . Will it affect my friendship ?

Show quote history

What?? So plug your phone in and check your calendar before booking a holiday….. obviously! Wow some people really astound me 🤣

Jollyjokers · 04/08/2025 08:13

Is it a UK holiday? Could they come with you? If not I would offer to pay for her childcare elsewhere.

Moonnstars · 04/08/2025 08:12

landlordhell · 04/08/2025 08:02

Kind enough to ‘say’ she’d look after the kids . Who books a holiday with phone uncharged? Don’t believe it

Show quote history

Agree. Many people even use their phones to book holidays.
Even if rushing to book surely you would check you had the dates correct.

taxidriver · 04/08/2025 08:06

goodness sake
so ott asking you to pay for your df's childcare!

just apologise and move on op

BusWankers · 04/08/2025 08:04

landlordhell · 04/08/2025 08:02

Kind enough to ‘say’ she’d look after the kids . Who books a holiday with phone uncharged? Don’t believe it

Show quote history

Err... On the computer...in the travel agent etc

Having a charged phone isn't a requirement for booking holidays...

Jc2001 · 04/08/2025 08:03

WhatNoRaisins · 04/08/2025 07:50

How well do you function in general OP?

Classic Mumsnet comment 😆

landlordhell · 04/08/2025 08:02

Love51 · 04/08/2025 07:59

I think @TheOpalFox is getting a hard time here. She booked a holiday in a bit of a rush (with her phone not charged) and is also someone who is kind enough to look after someone else's kids when she can, and who the friend must really trust.
In your friend's shoes I'd be a bit pissed off immediately as it would cause hassle to try to find an alternative at short notice. I wouldn't fall out with you about it. If it's a pattern of flaky behaviour I'd chalk it up and mentally file you as flaky but if it was a one off I'd just move on continuing to be friends. It's a "one awkward conversation and move on" level drama, not a "you need to cancel your holiday or you're a bad person" level drama. Enjoy your holiday!

Kind enough to ‘say’ she’d look after the kids . Who books a holiday with phone uncharged? Don’t believe it