To let DD14 drink at home

When I was 14/15 I would hang out every Saturday at the local place at our town centre ( think field with buildings etc around it, very central) 100-200 people from the ages of what I was to 18-19 would hang out there and we would get the older people to buy us alcohol. Vodka usually like the cheapest you could get. I would lie to my parents and say I was at a sleepover and we would all drink tonnes, go to a party somewhere else , sleep there then go home. The amount of times an ambulance etc came to that place we hung out because a child basically had drank too much and needed their stomach pumping was ridiculous. I often got into really dangerous and scary situations and would be out walking the streets back from a party at the age of 15 at 4 in the morning, my parents thinking I was at a friends house, and was so vulnerable. If it’s that OR the option you are giving I’d take your alternative every time. Obviously the most preferred choice is that they don’t do it at all but that’s not realistic, so I think in this case if she’s still being honest and open I’d keep that communication flowing and I’d allow this. It’s not the best case outcome and obviously no alcohol would be preferred but if she’s already told you she would drink elsewhere, unless you want to keep her in the house indefinitely not seeing anyone, she will do that. So the alternative to ensure she isn’t vulnerable and is safe is to keep it under your roof.

It's legal to drink at home under supervision from the age of five in the UK

Lol 😂

"you ok Hun?"
Ask me if I'm sniffing glue or if I meant to be so rude while you're at it. The only three insults known by MN.

Far more alcoholics than heroin addicts you're right.

Cats already out of the bag isn’t it. Of course you would prefer she didn’t drink at all but that isn’t realistic so you are being pragmatic and protective, and hopefully you can have decent, non defensive conversations with her about the dangers of alcohol which include being vulnerable to other forms of harm. So important for them to have a handle on this, she will go to parties and there will be alcohol there, you can’t stop it, so you have to try to guide it.

Do her friend's parents know that you're giving them alcoholic your house. You've told your dauhter that they have to know, but you haven't said that you have had the conversation with them.

Call social services? Are you ok hun? She's not injecting them with heroin.

Buy her a couple vapes too op. Better she learns to handle it now

If the OP said the daughter was smoking weed which is universally disliked on MN there would be an entirely different response to this. Sex safe at home is better than in a park too, but very few people would be handing over their king size bed to the kid's at 14. Sometimes you have to parent.

I’m genuinely baffled at the responses on here. If you have so much as a sniff of alcohol more than 3 days a week and mention it on Mumsnet you are classed as ‘alcohol dependent/alcoholic’ As a grown adult.
Yet here we have numerous posts encouraging underage drinking. And not in the ‘French way’ i.e a watered down glass of wine at a special family gathering. Which is how all of my French family drink.
But in an adult ‘let’s sit on the garden and drink just for the hell of it way’
Yes, teenagers drink. But positively condoning it? At 14?
OP I think you’re bonkers and storing up a load of shit for later teenage years by normalising this behaviour so young.

This is all very much "we didn't wear seat belts and we were fine" isn't it? The non functional alcoholics aren't posting on MN.

@PInkyStarfish

you do realise OP’s kid is gonna do it regardless?? No parent really wants their teen drinking alcohol but recognise that they are gonna do it anyway so may as well do it in a safe, controlled environment.
can you not remember being a teenager??

I would call social services and I'd lose my shit if you let my child drink at your house. There is absolutely zero proof or evidence that early drinking makes it less alluring or any of this nonsense.all evidence points to the opposite that you're normalizing drinking and if she's already developing a tolerance at 14 she's going to be in real trouble by 18.

This is not France, there is not the same drinking culture and it's not a watered down glass of wine with dinner, it's lambrini with friends in the garden. And fwiw as a person who actually did grew up in France with a huge French family, Yes, I had the odd drink, but none of my French family give alcohol to children anymore. It's really not the done thing.

This is a real hard-line you need to draw. You don't want an alcoholic daughter when she can go out on her own.

I think it’s a reasonable approach. You are trying to teach them to drink sensibly.

It’s not the only approach - zero alcohol is one, or allowing a glass of wine with special family meal (which is what my parents did and what we did).

See how it goes, there is nothing that will stop most teens trying alcohol, so you can adapt as you go.

I prefer your approach to making alcohol this unobtainable till certain age thing leading to binge drinking once ‘allowed’.
I always had access to alcohol (think European culture) where at 6-7 yrs old was allowed to dip finger in alcohol if I wanted and lick it. Early on I figured I don’t like the taste or the way it changed the behaviour of the people I loved so I’ve never been drunk and actually now, apart from the very occasional celebratory glass of champagne I don’t drink.

My dad let us drink at home. Neither my brother or I went out drinking in the park and both dont really drink now. I dont know if its because we were allowed so secret drinking didnt have the same attraction

Where is she going that she can get hold of alcohol?

It must be really difficult OP but you sound like you're making a sensible compromise, if combined with lots of conversations about how to be safe, and how it's best kept for special occasions, etc. Making it taboo will just encourage it, I think.