To let DD14 drink at home

Yes, plenty of rules and limitations. They were very pleased about their forward thinking parenting approach! My drinks were initially limited to peach schnapps and lemonade at first. My drinks were bought for me for house parties with the idea that's all I'd drink. Sips of wine at the dinner table from no age.

All very confidently explained that it was rather done under their roof safely. I was also in parks and under bridges! I didn't really feel I was rebelling either as it was permitted so I think that had the opposite effect as I went mad with permission and then some!

I still ended up drinking in an incredibly self destructive way and find there something icky about all the guidance and coaching about putting poison into my young body. Granted I started younger than your daughter at 12 but both still children.

Sorry, not sure what you mean? Guidelines around at the time (medical guidelines) or do you mean they gave me guidelines (as in what or how much to drink)?

And the argument that you're supporting teenage rebellion - there's nothing rebellious about drinking wine your mum gives you!

You asked if you're unreasonable to give your child alcohol, but you're dismissing anyone who says it is unreasonable.

Please read the facts on teen drinking, they'll make you reassess what you're doing, and you can share the info with your daughter, so she understands why you're changing your mind, and that it's based on evidence.

Double posted!

There's evidence that that kind of behaviour by parents actually increases the chances of risky drinking in children then adults.

My parents were the it's not taboo here, drinking under our roof type and I ended up drinking a lot for years and got myself into some very risky situations. I'm now 5 years sober.

It will be zero tolerance from me for my girls until they're 18.

14 is too young to give up on parenting your child.

Why do they want to drink - to pretend their older? So the cool kids will think they're cool too? To act as a social crutch to overcome shyness? To get pissed?

Whatever the reason is, you've condoned it, and they'll drink when you're not there to supervise.

In my day it was creepy older guys who'd buy teen girls drinks, not their parents.

You need to change the rules on this - tell your daughter that you've realised it's too young, there are good reasons, they've been linked by a pp.

And talk to her friends parents and share the info on the dangers of early drinking with them, and say you think you all need to rethink.

Your daughter is 14 - she shouldn't be hanging around the streets or parks at night. You should know where she is - which at night should be a friends house or youth group, and she should have a curfew.

It's not a choice between getting blackout drunk at a party or drinking wine with her friends in her back garden. Not drinking is an option.

I started drinking at 17, and drank a lot in college, getting myself into some very risky situations, and coming across creepy guys who say drunk girls as easy targets, which lets face it, drunk girls are!

Younger drunk girls don't have the maturity to get out of dangerous situations - they want to appear mature, or they don't know how to extricate themselves. It's why grooming gangs get the girls drunk.

If you've read the evidence on young drinking you'll know that early drinking at home leads to more early drinking outside the home, so your daughter will end up in risky situations, which she hasn't the maturity to cope with.

Not right IMO. You're giving the green light on on alcohol and they won't care if it's with or without you. 16 maybe, 14, wow.

I’m torn on this; I was drinking at her age, and getting in a bit of a mess. I’ve gone on to have a pretty bad relationship with alcohol for some periods of my life. I never drank at home. Would I have been better off if my mum had done what you did? I’m not sure to be honest. I might have avoided a few unsafe situations though.

In which case … why throw in the alcohol? Would they not have been just as happy with pizza and cupcakes?

I don't see how teaching 14 year olds they need alcohol to enjoy themselves is the action of a " caring " adult.
They are children.

@ohthatsmeback im not at all nostalgic . I remember being violently sick after drinking in parks in the dark at 13 and 14 snd I absolutely hate the idea of my kids doing it

I think its wise and caring to have them enjoying a little alcohol experiment in the garden while under the supervision of caring adults

I was puking in parks at this age from cider and putting myself in harms way

I think its so vital we give teens spaces to hang out and take small risks. Or they will find their own spaces and take really big risks

Exactly. It’s not an either or. OP’s DD and her friends may drink nicely and moderately on the diluted lambrini in the garden when on show to the adults, and still sneak around with a topped up bottle of Fanta and vodka the next night. All the more reason to not contribute to her consumption. And I wouldn’t let my child go there if I knew.

I find it strange on these threads the number of posters who talk as though it's the norm for teenagers to go off drinking with their pals at an extremely young age. And are nostalgic about their own underage drinking.

Personally I think I had a glass or two of wine at home with my parents before I was 18 but never drank with my friends. And similarly my friends possibly were allowed a taste of alcohol at home. But none of us went off to the park to booze .
My son and his friends were the same. A taste of alcohol with their families but no illegal trips to the pub or boozing in the park.
What is missing in the lives of these children that they feel they have to drink alcohol at 14 to enjoy themselves?

Nope too young and no there is no proof she wont have issues with alcohol later on.

I’d rather she drank at home than in the park alcohol needs a gradual controlled introduction. That’s what the rest of wurope do.

I think you’re parenting pragmatically. They’re going to drink and they’re going to be vulnerable when they do so. You can’t stop this. But by providing a safe space for them you’re limiting the harm. You’re also preventing your daughter from establishing a routine of lying to you. It’s not ideal and I’m sure you’ll have people criticise you for it, but I would make the same choice in your shoes.