Inlaws making life and marriage miserable

I couldn't bear to read the full OP. You have a dh problem.

Your husband is a disgrace.

Your DH was forced to drink drive? With your children in the car? How exactly was he forced? Anyone tried forcing me into drink driving they would be getting a firm no, I'd call the police if necessary before risking my babies life. Why did your DH even drink when he had a baby to care for?
Why didn't your DH clean up the mess left in the kitchen?
Your FIL sounds grumpy, MIL doesn't actually seem that bad, either way, their behaviour doesn't have to impact your life and they don't owe you anything.
It's your DH that is the issue, he sounds like an arse and that's putting it gently. Stop putting this on your ILs, your DH is the issue. He is a grown man with a wife and children, he's not under his parents control, he's just a selfish arse who doesn't seem to care much for you and his DC.

I would absolutely be opting out of all of this. Youre damned if you do attend and if you don’t - you can’t win so really the only option is to not play the games.

The partnership between you and your husband is the bare minimum to expect and if he’s not giving you that, then what is the point?

Your husband is a cunt.
Unless he has a magical dick then he's not worth this.
He is the cause of all of this.

Divorce is not the worst thing that can happen to you here, being 30 years down with this twat is though.

Where is your husband in all of this? He needs to massively step up. Read him the riot act and tell him you expect better

It sounds like your husband doesn’t want to rock the boat with his father, which if this is how he grew up I can sympathise to an extent. But he needs to grow a spine and side with you. You two are a family now, he chose you the day he married you and he should continue to choose you even if it upsets the inlaws.

if the link works, have a read of this: https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/s/BOfDh60hN2

it’s from a mother in law group on reddit but I think it is relevant to your situation. The fact there is an entire reddit group about this shows how common these unhealthy inlaw relationships are. You aren’t alone OP! But this will not get better until your husband grows a backbone.

I would be wary of telling DH stuff if it is getting passed on to in-laws. Don’t tell them what you are doing. They are nasty people who seem to get off on belittling you -why have anything to do with them -don’t speak to them and don’t think that your DCs need a relationship with their GPs.
Also tell DH you don’t want to hear what they are doing or saying. Stay out of social media.

If you ditch the useless husband, one of the fringe benefits will be not having to deal with the in-laws.

Your husband is just as horrible as your in-laws. He didn't have to get drunk and him driving home with his children in the car is utterly unforgiveable, never mind illegal. He is a chip off the old block, as he sounds just like his awful father. He doesn't stick up for you and he prioritises his parents over you, even when you have just had a baby and are recoving from a c-section.

I'd be re-considering my marriage as your husband is not on your side.

your husband is being a right twat, he should be entirely on your side and defending you from these vile people. He needs to get a grip and get his family in line or take the stand and Go non-contact…

Your husband took your brand new baby off the ward to meet them. Fuck me, at that point I would have dumped his weak arse. (Im also surprised he was allowed, aren't babies tagged now to stop this very thing?)

I think she means she was forced to drive home six weeks post C-section as he was drunk.

This, absolutely. No-one "made" him drink-drive. He chose to do it.

It’s also ok (and yes I have realized this in retrospect for myself) to say DH I am 4 days PP and very tired please can you clean up the kitchen’ or DH I am very tired I am going for a nap. Or this is too much for me.
These are all things I realized in retrospect. If you have grown up in an emotionally dysfunctional abusive home it can be hard to recognize it and then deal with it.
But really try not to make it a you and DH issue. It’s not worth losing your marriage over this. He must respect you professionally and your choices - you chose him after all and your parenting.

How old is your baby now? It’s really concerning that 6 weeks after birth you didn’t feel able (and supported) to stay at home with your baby and felt forced into driving to your FILs birthday meal. I would keep hammering this example with your husband as evidence that something needs to change (including seeking therapy for him).

A husbandectomy would resolve so many of your problems, OP. Your in-laws are nasty bastards and they have bred a nasty bastard who you unfortunately married.
My DH is far from perfect but it would be a cold day in hell before he allowed or excused any member of his family (or humanity at large, really) to treat me like this.
You and your DC deserve so much better than this spineless, selfish little man.

Honestly, you can't change your in laws. Go no contact. Put you do need to speak to your husband. I personally would make him read this post and the responses. He needs to step up and support his wife, and shouldn't be allowing anyone to ignore or mistreat her. He might not want to cut ties with his parent, fine. But he then needs to respect and support your decision to not have contact with them, and potentially the children need to have low or no contact with them.

You don't have an in-law problem, you have a husband problem.

Your in-laws are doing whatever because the person who should be stepping in, is not.

Re-focus and target the right area. Your DH left you to clean up, your DH prioritised his family over his DD, your husband is not putting healthy boundaries in.

You can put a boundary that you won't socialise with them until some healthy, agreed, applied, boundaries are in place and that there is a clear prioritisation of you and your children appropriate to this stage (post c section).

I've just reread the post and realised your dh drunk drove with your dc in the car - this is so far beyond acceptable I can't express it. I actually think I'd leave a partner who endangered your dc in this way and use it for grounds to only allow supervised contact!

The more you post, the worse your DH sounds.

Please do not back down and put yourself second to the in laws.

It’s very hard having a difficult relationship with in-laws (I speak from experience) and to have a husband who has a difficult (abusive) father ( I also speak from experience for my DH and his DF).
Is it something you could take to marriage therapy with your DH? If he won’t recognize the dysfunctional dynamics and is always ‘a good boy’ then little is going to change.
It’s very hard for the adult child as because at some level they can see what is happening is wrong but they are also so conditioned to obey they find it really hard to change that dynamic.
Moving far away can help (we moved to another country). But also establishing better boundaries eg when I was pregnant with DC 2 I explained that I would not be driving 2 hours with DC and DH every weekend to go and visit DFILs for the day/overnight. DH was welcome to do so and take the children but it was too much for me. I said FIL and MIL could visit whenever they wanted - I knew they wouldn’t as they hate the M25. DH was a bit put out but actually we were so knackered he was relieved and we also realized how crazy he had been doing this when DC1 was a baby.
My DH actually needed therapy to deal with the abusive nature of his childhood but that took a long long time to come about.
It’s hard to explain to those that haven’t experience it the hold that an abusive parental relationship can have on a man. They still look for the approval and love they never got but still desperately want.
I do totally understand the sadness. Maybe an impartial third party in the form of a therapist could be useful. I’m sure your husband loves you deeply. But he is entrenched in these unhealthy dynamics and probably doesn’t see them clearly.
Now after 20 years of marriage my relationship with my IL is more cordial. (They didn’t like my religion, my being a SAHM, I was left out of family photos by FIL, basically told I should get a job - what do I do at home all day? Etc etc)
But my FIL is still very difficult and DH has learnt to push back a bit. Therapy helped him to establish better boundaries. I do believe moving away really helped us. Also I am proud that I protected my children from ILs - my two DN were cared for by ILs a lot - holiday and after school care. My older DN has anxiety and my FIL is horrible to her. My other DN is the favorite and also gangs up on older DN.
DH and I protected our children from that and that is something to be proud of. You will find the things to be proud of too.
You can’t ’make’ your DH see the issues here. But you can have firm, calm boundaries and protect your children and yourself from them. This doesn’t mean they don’t see their GPs but you can limit it.