To be fed up with these friendships and stop them

@Wierdyperiody the thing that really jumped out at me was the smashing up your flowers. Shouldn't that be an instant ban from your home?

YANBU to end the friendship.

I wouldn’t allow anyone rude, disrespectful, entitled who damages my property and belittles my child - in my home or anywhere near my child.

Speak to your DD about finding better friends.

Of course you don’t have to put up with any child whose behaviour you feel to be unacceptable. How does your daughter about these children and their behaviour?

The flowerbeds thing is bang out of order. I'd tell the parents and hope they'd offer to replace the damaged plants.

no. I would tell the parents and ask if they want to replace the plants like for like, or give me the cash to do so

Sorry I came from a very economically disadvantaged Caribbean family, grew up in the 80s and 90s. Every single thing the OP has described was shocking and absurd to me. Would never have got away with that. I don't even swear in front of my mum now as a grown adult and I am regularly rold how polite my children are by teachers and other parents. I don't agree that low social/economic status is the cause. Also I have been a teacher for a long time now. I would say over the past ten years I have noticed younger children are getting more and more rude and I don't know why tbh.

What the fuck are you talking about, what a disgusting way to talk about people. Any excuse to talk about immigrants.

My house, my rules. No phones at the table, if they don’t like it they don’t eat. If they damage property I’d be telling the parents and making the kids clean it up/repair it best they could etc. You can’t really stop the friendships unfortunately, but if you implement rules they don’t like they might decide to stop coming round by themselves 🤣

‘Shared access’ she says. Doesn’t mean she owns a beach.

When my daughter was at primary and I heard the way some of the girls spoke to their parents I already decided that these were the ones that were never coming over the threshold. Once or twice one slipped past me and I did utter the words “don’t speak to your mum/dad like that” when the doting parents arrived to collect their little darlings.. I have zero tolerance for this BS from other peoples kids…don’t have them back EVER

No more meals/sleepovers. If they refuse to comply with your house rules, home they go. I’m assuming you have the parents’ numbers to message and tell them their child is being sent home? Zero tolerance, I would never have dreamed of behaving so poorly as a guest.

Totally agree re no phones at table, I insisted on this on a recent residential trip.

Have an agreement with your DD that the guests go home before meal times, you could make sandwiches for the beach trips but everyone goes home at proper meal times or at a prearranged specific time. So when you say 'ok everyone, it's been great to see you all today, we can make a plan to see you all again.' Then start gathering up what's being used to clear away.

Reasonable to not invite them into your home, unreasonable to try to stop friendships.
And explain to your DD what you don't like about their behaviour so she doesn't pick up any traits!

Good grief. I come from a background of dire poverty on both sides of my family (skilled working class)but good manners were embedded in us from an early age. I don’t thing being middle class is relevant here.

We’ve got 4 in their late teens so had our fair share of sleepovers and kids coming over. Any kids that were disrespectful of us our property or didn’t listen to me were sent home and didn’t come back. Thankfully any incidents were few and far between. Fingers crossed we have same luck when the youngest two are that age 😅

Providing a toothbrush or washing clothes wouldn’t bother me though as long as they were polite when they asked. We still keep a pack or two of cheap toothbrushes in for unexpected sleepovers or in case guests forget theirs

This is complete balderdash.

There is strict and permissive parenting across all cultures and ethnic backgrounds. If anything I'd say as a stereotype (not always true but there's a grain of truth) the middle/upper middle/upper classes are genuinely the most permissive around things like table manners. Many immigrant families are very hard line on behaviour and manners.

These particular kids sound rude and obnoxious. I wouldn't allow a kid over the threshold if it mocked my kids under my roof and destroyed stuff in my garden. That's just disrespectful. And honestly if your kids tolerate being mocked for doing household tasks these other kids are not going to respect them.

OP, I didn't do sleepovers until my children were 13+ and only with close friends.

Don't do anything dramatic, just be busy, and no more invites or sleepovers for a while.

Take a break!

Are you serious? Public opinion is incredibly important to South Asian parents. It's a reflection of their parenting. We are raised on 'what will people say/think'.

This.
But they would be told there and then what is expected of them.
I did ask one or two children were they tired because they didn't seem to understand what I asked them to do?
I also offered to call their mum to collect them. They behaved very quickly but were never invited back.
Couldn't give a damn.
No brats welcome or tolerated in my home.
I do believe that post Covid behaviour has dramatically deteriorated in some children, according to teacher friends in very MC schools.

Where do you get your stereotypes from? How odd I don't recognise any of what you describe despite working with children.

This is so not my experience. Very polite and helpful children from working-class families and from mixed-race Scottish-Kenyan backgrounds.

Maybe there is neglect going on in that household and you are providing that child with normality and refuge.
Do you have contact with the parents?
I step in with behaviour often they are trying it on. But I wouldn't be hugging or kissing my child unless they came to me for it....at that age some are embarrassed by it

No sleepovers. No wifi plugged in. The parents collect them before it’s dinner time. Tell these loser parents that you’re not ok with being sworn at and having your garden borders trashed, neighbours stuff messed up and having your dd mocked. Tell the parents no spare clothes means that the kid goes home wet and sandy (I assume it’s the beach that requires a clothes change). See if your dd can find new friends.

When my kids were are this stage children behaved in my house or they were taken home.

Everyone knew what the rules were and that you had to stick to them at “Blue’s House”.

Everyone always had lots of fun and we had loads of play dates and sleepovers but I was uncompromising on ”my house, my rules’.

I wouldn’t like or accommodate any of that. There must be better friends for your DD.

The flowerbeds thing is bang out of order. I'd tell the parents and hope they'd offer to replace the damaged plants.

And you need to have a boundary over when they can come in obviously. You'll have to sometimes say no, sorry we're busy today.

The ones demanding fast food...I'd just burst out laughing and say have you got any money for it? Do you have a deliveroo account?

Then if they keep asking for food just say there's none left. And you need to leave room for dinner at home.

Then text the parents and say 'I'm sending Barry home now, as we're having tea and then doing something.' When they overstay their welcome.

I hope your kid really does want to be friends with them? And they're not just kind of manipulating her?