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AIBU?

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To think the cafe staff should have given the money to this homeless man?

243 replies

Eastie77Returns · 03/08/2025 14:15

I went to a cafe earlier today. There was a man outside who regularly sits with a sign stating he is homeless and asking for money. At one point a man came in, handed a member of the cafe staff a £20 note and left. It turned out he had given the staff this money to buy a meal for the homeless man who subsequently came into the cafe and ordered some food and drink. It was clearly a regular occurrence as the staff member automatically knew to charge the bill to the £20. When she had rung everything up she handed the man his meal and he asked for his change. She refused and said “No, the money is only to be used for food here. You know this. If you want to use any of the change you can order something else tomorrow”

The homeless man became angry and shouted that he wanted his money. The whole episode escalated and he began banging a table. A male member of staff eventually escorted/pushed him outside.

AIBU to think the cafe should have just given him the money??

OP posts:
SilkCottonTree · 03/08/2025 15:11

Eastie77Returns · 03/08/2025 14:48

Why is everyone assuming he planned to use the money on drugs? Quite the leap. He may have wanted to go to Lidl and buy a few days worth of food rather than spend it on a single panini in a cafe? Or perhaps he needed a personal hygiene item. The tone adopted by the cafe staff member when she refused to give him the money was really patronising and I think that is what got my back up more than anything else.

The fact that the person in the cafe said 'you know this' shows that this is some kind of long standing situation which you know nothing of. The person paying the cafe the £20 may be a family member who have given the cafe strict instructions not to give any of the money to the homeless person. YABVU to think that you know better in this situation. As for the patronising tone from the cafe worker, you don't know how much the recipient of the meal has tested his/her patience over the years.

Charabanc · 03/08/2025 15:10

Eastie77Returns · 03/08/2025 14:48

Why is everyone assuming he planned to use the money on drugs? Quite the leap. He may have wanted to go to Lidl and buy a few days worth of food rather than spend it on a single panini in a cafe? Or perhaps he needed a personal hygiene item. The tone adopted by the cafe staff member when she refused to give him the money was really patronising and I think that is what got my back up more than anything else.

It wasn't "his" money. The cafe was given money, to feed him.

You've clearly stumbled into a longterm situation and decided you know best.

ThePhantomoftheEcobubbleOpera · 03/08/2025 15:06

Profited from the donation? I'm sure they'd pay him £20 a day to not sit outside their place of business, putting off customers and yelling at the staff.

HAL200 · 03/08/2025 15:05

Well off you pop then to Lidl with the guy to get him stuff. I am sure he will really appreciate your doing, rather than just watching

rainbowunicorn · 03/08/2025 15:01

spoonbillstretford · 03/08/2025 14:51

YANBU. It's not for a cafe worker to make a value judgement on his lifestyle to say whether or not he should get the cash. Plus, they profited from the donation.

Did you actually read all of the OP? The man was told that he could use the change for further food. This is a normal and well known situation within the homeless community.

Helpmeplease2025 · 03/08/2025 14:58

Eastie77Returns · 03/08/2025 14:48

Why is everyone assuming he planned to use the money on drugs? Quite the leap. He may have wanted to go to Lidl and buy a few days worth of food rather than spend it on a single panini in a cafe? Or perhaps he needed a personal hygiene item. The tone adopted by the cafe staff member when she refused to give him the money was really patronising and I think that is what got my back up more than anything else.

There’s a reason the person gave the money to the cafe, rather than the person himself in the first place. The same stands for the change.

Ilikemymenlikeilikemycoffee · 03/08/2025 14:57

Eastie77Returns · 03/08/2025 14:48

Why is everyone assuming he planned to use the money on drugs? Quite the leap. He may have wanted to go to Lidl and buy a few days worth of food rather than spend it on a single panini in a cafe? Or perhaps he needed a personal hygiene item. The tone adopted by the cafe staff member when she refused to give him the money was really patronising and I think that is what got my back up more than anything else.

Because it’s likely they know him more than you do and if the person who gave the £20 does it regularly, I’m sure they know what to do with the money and that knowing he’s definitely using it for food is best!

JamesWebbSpaceTelescope · 03/08/2025 14:56

No, the money is only to be used for food here. You know this.

This is not the first time she has had this conversation. The money is to buy from the cafe, nothing else.

If you felt that strongly why didn’t you give him some cash when you left?

Startyabastard · 03/08/2025 14:56

There's probably a bigger backstory that is very relevant, so I don't think it's fair to judge.
However, from what you have said, I can see both sides.

Chipotlego · 03/08/2025 14:55

Purpleturtle45 · 03/08/2025 14:54

Maybe mind you own business. Did you give him any money for his Lidl purchases?

Good question, did you OP?

And who are any of us to judge?

We are all just random people on the Internet and our opinions are of zero consequence to the man in question. There's no indication the cafe was being judgemental either.

Purpleturtle45 · 03/08/2025 14:54

Maybe mind you own business. Did you give him any money for his Lidl purchases?

Answeringaquestiontonight · 03/08/2025 14:53

These kind of arrangements do two things (a) access to food and drink from the cafe for someone who is homeless but also (b) income for the cafe because they are providing the food and drink.

Dheops · 03/08/2025 14:53

Eastie77Returns · 03/08/2025 14:48

Why is everyone assuming he planned to use the money on drugs? Quite the leap. He may have wanted to go to Lidl and buy a few days worth of food rather than spend it on a single panini in a cafe? Or perhaps he needed a personal hygiene item. The tone adopted by the cafe staff member when she refused to give him the money was really patronising and I think that is what got my back up more than anything else.

She was only involved because the donor chose not to give the chap the money.

You only saw a snapshot. Chances are she has this conversation with him over and over again.

spoonbillstretford · 03/08/2025 14:52

Eastie77Returns · 03/08/2025 14:48

Why is everyone assuming he planned to use the money on drugs? Quite the leap. He may have wanted to go to Lidl and buy a few days worth of food rather than spend it on a single panini in a cafe? Or perhaps he needed a personal hygiene item. The tone adopted by the cafe staff member when she refused to give him the money was really patronising and I think that is what got my back up more than anything else.

Quite. And who are any of us to judge? There by the grace of God.

x2boys · 03/08/2025 14:52

spoonbillstretford · 03/08/2025 14:51

YANBU. It's not for a cafe worker to make a value judgement on his lifestyle to say whether or not he should get the cash. Plus, they profited from the donation.

They didn't they said the change could go towards some food tomorrow.

x2boys · 03/08/2025 14:51

Eastie77Returns · 03/08/2025 14:48

Why is everyone assuming he planned to use the money on drugs? Quite the leap. He may have wanted to go to Lidl and buy a few days worth of food rather than spend it on a single panini in a cafe? Or perhaps he needed a personal hygiene item. The tone adopted by the cafe staff member when she refused to give him the money was really patronising and I think that is what got my back up more than anything else.

This why do you think the benefactor didn't give the homeless guy the £20
I think your extremely naive if you think he wanted change for some deodorant.

spoonbillstretford · 03/08/2025 14:51

YANBU. It's not for a cafe worker to make a value judgement on his lifestyle to say whether or not he should get the cash. Plus, they profited from the donation.

Sirzy · 03/08/2025 14:50

Personally I am making no assumptions as to why he wanted the money. that doesn’t matter the donor gave it for a specific purpose and therefore the cafe are right to use it for that.

I often ask someone who is homeless what they want from the shop, or I may pick up some bits when in and give it them when passing. If I want to donate money I will do it via a charity. That’s my choice as to how to use my money to hopefully help a bit.

Chipotlego · 03/08/2025 14:49

Eastie77Returns · 03/08/2025 14:48

Why is everyone assuming he planned to use the money on drugs? Quite the leap. He may have wanted to go to Lidl and buy a few days worth of food rather than spend it on a single panini in a cafe? Or perhaps he needed a personal hygiene item. The tone adopted by the cafe staff member when she refused to give him the money was really patronising and I think that is what got my back up more than anything else.

I suspect the cafe is sick of dealing with his shit in honesty. You say it seems to be a regular arrangement, one which you know zero about bar a snapshot today that you have made a tonne of assumptions about.

Eastie77Returns · 03/08/2025 14:48

Why is everyone assuming he planned to use the money on drugs? Quite the leap. He may have wanted to go to Lidl and buy a few days worth of food rather than spend it on a single panini in a cafe? Or perhaps he needed a personal hygiene item. The tone adopted by the cafe staff member when she refused to give him the money was really patronising and I think that is what got my back up more than anything else.

OP posts:
x2boys · 03/08/2025 14:46

I agree with everyone the cafe did the right thing and I'm assuming the benefactor does this regularly as the cafe staff said the change could go to something tomorrow, there will be a good reason the benefactor didn't hand the money to the homeless guy himself.

MyUmberSeal · 03/08/2025 14:42

The cafe did the right thing.
I suspect the cafe staff are far more familiar with the chaps personal circumstances.
Good for them, and good for the other person who gave the £20.

rainbowstardrops · 03/08/2025 14:41

Does anyone else read these posts and just automatically think it’s AI shit/someone with hairy hands wanting to light the touch paper and then sit back and watch it burn?
My ‘D’H has just pissed me off, so maybe I’m just being grumpy.

BoredZelda · 03/08/2025 14:40

Viviennemary · 03/08/2025 14:34

No the cafe did the right thing. If the person wanted the guy to have the money they would have given it to him. He is lucky to have a cafe that tolerates this bad behaviour.

They threw him out. So not tolerating it at all.

NuffSaidSam · 03/08/2025 14:40

YABU because you don't know what the full situation and it's none of your business.

There is clearly a relationship between the first man, the homeless man and the cafe. If the agreement is that the first man leaves £20 behind the counter so the homeless man can eat there then that's the arrangement and they were right to honour it.

I assume if the first man wanted the homeless man to have cash then he would have just given him the £20 in the first place.

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