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AIBU?

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I'm in danger from unhinged flatmate?

31 replies

PimmsPerson · 03/08/2025 14:15

Sorry for long post. Apparently I'm having high school style drama / civil warfare with a woman 15 years older than me...
Living abroad in Jordan currently studying Arabic and live in a houseshare with a 34 yr old Jordanian woman (I'm 20, from uk).
We were friends for the first couple of months but recently she started getting quite rude (shouting at me once when I let the door slam, telling me off matron style when i spoke over her unintentionally, pulling a face when I went out to get her tissues (to be kind!), but bought the wrong type...) so I was quite done with making any effort with her. However I kept being kind to her as I know she struggles with her mental health: going out to get her medication, cigarettes and generally comforting her while she complains about her life.

A few days ago I wanted to ask to borrow one of her bags as I've done before. I knocked, called her name and stuck my head around her door at 6pm or so. She was on her bed watching tiktok but got up and shouted at me for intruding. I apologised but she told me off like I was a child, asking me over and over if she had given me permission. I walked away from the situation and she said I was immature.

Next day, had just finished cooking and she told me to wash up. I said i didn't need to be managed and also that she needed to speak to me in a more civil tone. She absolutely lost it at me - I've never been screamed at like that in my entire life. Swearing in my face and following me to my room when I tried to exit the situation, then continuing to scream outside my door for 10 minutes or so. Insulting the UK, my character and personality, for intruding on her (i checked with other jordanians, what i did isn't some huge cultural crime) i thought she was going to hit me!
Have tried to move out but landlord won't refund my rent (have 3 weeks left on contract) and can't find a flat for that short amount of time.
But don't feel particularly safe. Wouldn't be surpised to come home and find her cutting up my clothes or some other terrible revenge, but maybe its my anxiety speaking I don't know.

Any advice??? How should I go about this situation without making things worse? Don't want to let her walk all over me but also want to keep the peace for the next 3 weeks.

OP posts:
MissMoneyFairy · 03/08/2025 14:44

We're you planning on extending your lease if there's only 3 weeks left, where were you going to live after that. Is she on the same course as you, is the house share arranged by the college. Is it just the two of you. I'd speak to your tutor, see if there is a halls room available.

GRex · 03/08/2025 14:43

Move out. It'll cost you under £20/ night at a hotel, so for 3 weeks that's £600 max. Versus upset and worry about a crazy woman's behaviour.

DustlandFairytaleBeginning · 03/08/2025 14:37

For three weeks I'd just stick it out. She hasn't actually been violent. Make peace, apologise, you don't have to mean it. Keep your head down if you are worried about your things. Is there anyway you can lock your door when you aren't there? Or when you are? You can get some things travellers use that wedge under a door to prevent it being opened to 'lock' yourself in your room when you are there if there is no actual lock.

Candlesandmatches · 03/08/2025 14:34

Honestly? I would apologize to her. Is it possible that culturally what you have done is rude? Combined with possibly mental health issues. You are much younger than her and possibly considered her inferior because of that? Not saying you are but it could be a consideration.
Apologizing (even if you don’t really mean it) with a small gift could at least smooth over things until you move out in 3 weeks.
In the mean time keep your head down.
Your description of going into her room could be considered as rude. If she wanted privacy then you intruded into that. As she did not say you could come in. You assumed that you could.
Your response to the washing up demand was also not very diplomatic given the previous altercation about her room.
So 1. Apology with small gift. 2. Don’t rise to any altercation 3. Keep your head down and just get through the next few weeks.
Maybe she was friendly at the start but now she isn’t. Do you have a female tutor you could seek some advice from?

Sufferingjaysus · 03/08/2025 14:33

I agree wkth the previous poster, leave and stay with a friend or go home to the UK. Your instincts are telling you you’re not safe so trust those and leave

Secularbeaver · 03/08/2025 14:29

Leave, find somewhere else.
Can you couch surf in the mean time?