To make my 15yo pay me back for a phone she broke out of anger?

My dc did this and the phone didn’t get replaced.

two positive things came out of it. Firstly, she realised that actions have consequences. Secondly, life is better without a smartphone. It turns out the real world is more inviting when you’re not glued to a small rectangle of silicon, glass and metal.

It’s been less than 24hrs. Time she learnt actions have consequences and if you break something you have to wait for it to be fixed or replaced. And that costs money so isn’t always quick. She’s lucky she has some savings.

Honestly set this mindset and boundary now. I’ve worked with children who break things and 99% of the time their parents replaced it immediately too scared of the reaction if they didn’t. As young adults they never understood the consequences cos their parents always fixed it and let the behaviour or anger issue slide.

We all have anger and overwhelm. Gotta learn how to place it and teens and young adults need that support to find the way to manage it.

I salute you, OP. And you’re on 100% in your favour so far.

You'd been doing her a massive disservice if you replaced it. Massive.

You're doing absolutely the right thing👍🏻

She can figure out her mess. You are not being unreasonable

Actions have consequences. This is a valuable lesson she'll learn. It'll also teach her to take care of her belongings. Don't back down op!

Stick with it. She can be angry but she chose to launch her phone at a wall. She now has zero remorse and expects you to get her a new phone.

Our job as parents is to teach them resilience and how to be functioning humans. My children know the worth of things (they also know I’m too poor to get stuff again if they break it 😂)

Mine only get one phone and pay for new ones themselves however they get broken. There is no budget for tantrums.

First post nailed it.

Please stick to your guns on this.

Stick to your guns.

I would be reminding her that I don't HAVE to do anything about this as it's entirely her fault, and if she wants to be treated like an adult then she needs to start behaving like one.

I would be proactive in that I would suggest she looks at repair or second hand.

IF she calmed down and reacted in a more positive manner, then I would meet her half way and offer to help with cost of repair or second hand. But if she carried on with the dramatics then I would just leave it be.

She can take her earnings to cex to get a replacement

100% you are doing the right thing. Plus if you change your mind now she knows she can have a strop & get what she wants.

My 6 year old dropped her tablet in anger because I'd asked her to turn it off, it was fine but I warned her if she did it again and it broke she'd pay for it out of her own money - I meant it even at 6.
At 15 she'd be going out to buy it herself as well...

YANBU.

DS1 smashed his phone screen when he threw an Xbox controller down on his bed in anger, not realising his phone was right there. His options were to save up to pay the excess for the insurance to repair the screen, or save up to buy a new phone. We had lots of complaining but he asked for money for Christmas and birthday and bought himself a new phone. He used the one with the smashed screen for quite a while before he could afford a new one.

If she's completely knackered it, she'll have to do without a phone, or have an old style brick which she can pay for. Maybe next time she's angry she'll learn to control it a bit better. Don't give in on this one OP, she's old enough to understand that actions have consequences.

Stick to your guns. My youngest broke a lamp through complete carelessness when he was 8 and I told him the £20 I was going to spend on something for him would now go towards the lamp (it was about £30 to replace). He saw the fairness of it and it made a noticeable difference. So a 15yo can definitely cope!

She has learned an important lesson that is every action or reaction has a consequence. Out of temper she threw her phone and broke it. Meaning she either has no phone or she saves and buys a new one. Do not give into this.

Her behaviour is disgusting. Entitled little madam!
If you replace her phone you’re teaching her nothing. You are doing exactly the right thing. Do not cave, it will make her behaviour worse!

you are right to make her pay.

Nope don't replace the phone. Why should you when she broke it in a fit of temper?

She won't learn anything if you do. If she has pay for a new phone out of her own money I bet she will think twice before throwing that one!

Have done the same myself. 1 broken screen and they are paying for replacements themselves. Have dropped my own phone countless times (and same case) and it never smashes, I don't actually understand how they manage it.

I usually feel sorry for teesm when parents give them expensive phones and don't insure them, then make them pay when they inevitably lose or drop the phone accidentally.

I feel sorry for the teens in these situations because it is inevitable that a phone will get lost or cracked screen when teens are involved.

However, in this situation throwing her own phone is not inevitable and insurance or not, it's definitely her own fault.

(Well unless the argument was more like abuse which led to affecting the reen so much, but I'm not saying that here op, just adding the caveat for anyone reading this in the future.)

Clear case of FAFO. You throw your things, they break, too bad, so sad.

She broke it on purpose having a tantrum, she has to replace it.

The only thing I would be doing to help is offer her some money to do more chores around the house.

Totally stick to your guns. She broke it out of anger, she has to pay, it’s a lesson learned and she definitely won’t do it again.

I did similar recently with a T-shirt for my ds. It’s a design he absolutely loves and is gutted he’s outgrown it, I found the newer released version and bought him it as a surprise, he was overjoyed, very thankful etc he went out with friends that day and absolutely ruined it, not intentionally, he just doesn’t think that way.

I grew up very poor and we had things ‘for best’ (which is absolutely my issue) but when he came home I was so upset and he was just so blasé about it. He couldn’t understand why I couldn’t just wash it and it’d be fine but it was a pure white t-shirt and it was genuinely wrecked. He asked if I’d buy him another then and I could have, I could it afford it no problem but out of principal I said no.
There was no argument or anything but he was surprised I’d said no. He is autistic so he finds these things tricky. That evening he came downstairs with cash for a new one and an apology and I was genuinely dumbfounded as, like I say, he normally wouldn’t connect the dots as to the reason I was upset or why I wouldn’t just immediately replace it.

I think you’re doing the right thing op. No way I’d replace without some sacrifice from your dd.

My friend’s ds smashed an iPad to pieces throwing it and jumping up and down on it in anger. His parents bought him a new one the next day! No lesson learned there at all!

Don't give in. She needs to learn life lessons.