Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think my cleaner shouldn’t bring her own child to work?

717 replies

Informercera · 03/08/2025 10:43

I’m really torn on this and would love some outside perspective.

We’ve had the same cleaner for just over a year and she’s been fantastic, reliable, thorough, really kind and trustworthy. We’ve always got on well and I genuinely like her. But over the past few weeks, since the summer holidays started, she’s been bringing her 10 year old daughter with her when she comes to clean.

Her daughter isn’t badly behaved at all. She just sits quietly on the sofa in our living room watching things on an iPad. Sometimes I hear little giggles or the sound of whatever she’s watching, but she’s not running around or causing chaos or anything like that.

Still, I’m finding it awkward. I work from home and I’m usually upstairs on Zoom calls or writing reports, and it just feels a bit strange knowing there’s a child downstairs while her mum is hoovering or mopping the floors. I don’t have children myself and I suppose I’m not used to having someone else’s in my personal space. It changes the dynamic a bit and makes it feel less like a professional service. I also can’t help worrying about the what ifs - what if something broke or she hurt herself? Would I be responsible?

I completely understand that school holidays are a nightmare for working parents and childcare is expensive. I don’t want to be unsympathetic. I haven’t said anything to her yet because I don’t want to come across as precious or unkind. But equally I’m paying for a service and this isn’t what I signed up for.

AIBU to feel uncomfortable about this and consider raising it gently with her? Or should I just let it go for a few more weeks until the holidays are over? I want to be fair but I also feel a bit blindsided. Would love to know what others think.

OP posts:
ButterCrackers · 04/08/2025 23:40

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Goodness. I’m not lying. What a a nasty comment.

redjeans28 · 04/08/2025 23:17

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ButterCrackers · 04/08/2025 22:25

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Really? That’s really nasty rubbish you write about me and my family. Back off

ButterCrackers · 04/08/2025 22:09

AngelRoja · 04/08/2025 18:15

The woman comes in for two hours a couple of times a week. I doubt she has even has a key. I dont think OP has a problem with wild parties or dirty lunch distes. She certainly seems happy with her work.

The aspect you can’t comprehend is asking beforehand. Something like ‘Can I bring my child next time and possibly every time during the school holidays? If it’s only for this time frame. The op would have said yes or no. It’s what everyone else does if they want to bring the child to work at a planned moment and here it’s where the op lives and works ie not in an office etc.

ButterCrackers · 04/08/2025 22:02

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

redjeans28 · 04/08/2025 21:56

ButterCrackers · 04/08/2025 12:31

My point is that the cleaner should ask first before bringing along their child to their employers place. Simple but apparently complex here. Kindness is good but it’s something that women are generally called upon to be when confronting boundaries being broken. Be kind and nice and shut up. To add in that I’ve heard all sorts from friends who have cleaners - some of whom struggle to pay for cleaning but they need cleaning done - thieving that couldn’t be proved, smoking, leaving their own lunch plates etc in the sink, not cleaning, a party in the garden when a friend was away, breaking things but not saying etc

That is a pile of utter bullshit😂You've been posting prolifically on this thread...all of a sudden, a day later you've come up all these 'stories' of dreadful cleaners. Pull the other one.

Leedssdeel · 04/08/2025 18:51

MikeRafone · 03/08/2025 15:03

There is no "of course it feels strange"

having another person in the same building as you, its not strange and it happens every day

Well clearly it does feel strange for OP she has said it does. You don’t get to tell someone how they feel just because you wouldn’t feel that.

SouthLondonMum22 · 04/08/2025 18:50

AngelRoja · 04/08/2025 18:45

She doesnt have kids, so that's not her issue.

She doesn't want a random kid in her house when she's working, especially without any communication first.

I think that's fair enough.

AngelRoja · 04/08/2025 18:45

SouthLondonMum22 · 04/08/2025 18:27

Clearly it can sometimes be an issue or OP wouldn't have created this thread and she'd have no one at all agreeing with her which isn't the case.

If I'm WFH with my own kids in childcare, I don't want another kid in my house especially just turning up with no warning and I don't think that's unreasonable at all.

Edited

She doesnt have kids, so that's not her issue.

SouthLondonMum22 · 04/08/2025 18:27

AngelRoja · 04/08/2025 18:22

Funnily enough, she is a close family friend,. Previously there have been other people with children in the past who sometimes had to bring their kids including plumbers, electricians and other tradesmen. It's never been a problem. They are kids not animals

Clearly it can sometimes be an issue or OP wouldn't have created this thread and she'd have no one at all agreeing with her which isn't the case.

If I'm WFH with my own kids in childcare, I don't want another kid in my house especially just turning up with no warning and I don't think that's unreasonable at all.

AngelRoja · 04/08/2025 18:24

x2boys · 04/08/2025 09:03

But your judging it off your own circumstances,you have no idea whst the cleaner earns or whst holiday clubs are available to her or how much they cost.

and neither do you, but you act as if you assume she has an alternative

AngelRoja · 04/08/2025 18:22

SouthLondonMum22 · 04/08/2025 17:45

Why does anyone care so much to be on this thread? Including yourself. Are you the cleaners best chum?

It's rude and unprofessional to just turn up with a child without asking first.

Funnily enough, she is a close family friend,. Previously there have been other people with children in the past who sometimes had to bring their kids including plumbers, electricians and other tradesmen. It's never been a problem. They are kids not animals

AngelRoja · 04/08/2025 18:15

ButterCrackers · 04/08/2025 12:31

My point is that the cleaner should ask first before bringing along their child to their employers place. Simple but apparently complex here. Kindness is good but it’s something that women are generally called upon to be when confronting boundaries being broken. Be kind and nice and shut up. To add in that I’ve heard all sorts from friends who have cleaners - some of whom struggle to pay for cleaning but they need cleaning done - thieving that couldn’t be proved, smoking, leaving their own lunch plates etc in the sink, not cleaning, a party in the garden when a friend was away, breaking things but not saying etc

The woman comes in for two hours a couple of times a week. I doubt she has even has a key. I dont think OP has a problem with wild parties or dirty lunch distes. She certainly seems happy with her work.

SouthLondonMum22 · 04/08/2025 18:13

AngelRoja · 04/08/2025 18:10

Gosh, how dreadful. She might bring a quiet well behaved child again. As she gets older she will be able to stay alone, but not at 10. I dont understand people who think it's such a dreadful thing, if her mother can get her work done. I've had all sorts of tradesmen who have brought kids with them in the holidays over the years. It's no biggy. I've had the same childcare problems when my kids were small. I just live with it and sometimes (gosh golly) make elevenses if they havent brought anything, as they are usually well behaved and bored stiff.

Because to just show up with a child without asking is rude and unprofessional.

AngelRoja · 04/08/2025 18:10

SouthLondonMum22 · 04/08/2025 16:17

Is it short term? It seems to be yet another assumption many posters are making.

Half terms etc will soon be coming up when school starts again. There's nothing to say that she won't turn up with her child again during other school holidays going forward because she hasn't bothered to communicate with OP at all.

Now that she's 10, the cleaner and/or the daughter may be less keen to use childcare or she may even be starting to outgrow it.

Gosh, how dreadful. She might bring a quiet well behaved child again. As she gets older she will be able to stay alone, but not at 10. I dont understand people who think it's such a dreadful thing, if her mother can get her work done. I've had all sorts of tradesmen who have brought kids with them in the holidays over the years. It's no biggy. I've had the same childcare problems when my kids were small. I just live with it and sometimes (gosh golly) make elevenses if they havent brought anything, as they are usually well behaved and bored stiff.

SouthLondonMum22 · 04/08/2025 18:10

Saltysea2001 · 04/08/2025 18:06

Do you know cleaners who are earning a lot of money? ie - enough to afford childcare. I don't. Because they aren't.

Yet OP's cleaner has cleaned for OP for just over a year and this is the first time she has showed up with her child.

So she must have had some type of childcare before.

Saltysea2001 · 04/08/2025 18:06

x2boys · 03/08/2025 10:50

How do you know she's earning very little?

Do you know cleaners who are earning a lot of money? ie - enough to afford childcare. I don't. Because they aren't.

AngelRoja · 04/08/2025 17:58

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

AngelRoja · 04/08/2025 17:53

x2boys · 04/08/2025 09:00

Lots of people have cleaners for various reasons, I don't have one but I know it doesn't make somone privileged .

I have help because I have a small disability, but I still consider myself privileged to be able to employ someone to clean.

SouthLondonMum22 · 04/08/2025 17:47

AngelRoja · 04/08/2025 17:44

It not just a question of what she earns, have you any idea what childcare costs? These people also charge and it's not cheap, - if you can find a place in summer.

She seems to have managed in the year she's cleaned for OP up until now, potentially including the last summer holidays too.

SouthLondonMum22 · 04/08/2025 17:45

AngelRoja · 04/08/2025 17:23

So what. Why do you care so much? Are you the OPs best chum? What a fuss. The house got cleaned, it was only two hours, not the whole day, and nothing has been broken. Some people are so self rightous.

Why does anyone care so much to be on this thread? Including yourself. Are you the cleaners best chum?

It's rude and unprofessional to just turn up with a child without asking first.

AngelRoja · 04/08/2025 17:44

x2boys · 04/08/2025 08:57

And how do you know this exactly ,you have no idea how much the cleaner earns you are just another person assuming that a cleaner has to be poorly paid without two pennies to rub together.

It not just a question of what she earns, have you any idea what childcare costs? These people also charge and it's not cheap, - if you can find a place in summer.

AngelRoja · 04/08/2025 17:36

x2boys · 04/08/2025 08:54

If the cleaner can afford to lose clients she can afford childcare .

You think so? There are more jobs than cleaners in many areas, especially in the summer. It might not be the best paid work in the world, but there is a very high demand for good people. It's like any other job, if you want to keep your good staff, you look after them.

AngelRoja · 04/08/2025 17:23

SouthLondonMum22 · 03/08/2025 22:08

She just turned up with her child and didn't ask in advance.

Edited

So what. Why do you care so much? Are you the OPs best chum? What a fuss. The house got cleaned, it was only two hours, not the whole day, and nothing has been broken. Some people are so self rightous.

AngelRoja · 04/08/2025 17:18

ButterCrackers · 04/08/2025 16:53

So did you ask first?
Absolutely different worlds - that’s true.

I dont remember. It was decades ago. Probably not, but, as I said, I dont rember. Who cares?. Happy?

Swipe left for the next trending thread