Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think my cleaner shouldn’t bring her own child to work?

717 replies

Informercera · 03/08/2025 10:43

I’m really torn on this and would love some outside perspective.

We’ve had the same cleaner for just over a year and she’s been fantastic, reliable, thorough, really kind and trustworthy. We’ve always got on well and I genuinely like her. But over the past few weeks, since the summer holidays started, she’s been bringing her 10 year old daughter with her when she comes to clean.

Her daughter isn’t badly behaved at all. She just sits quietly on the sofa in our living room watching things on an iPad. Sometimes I hear little giggles or the sound of whatever she’s watching, but she’s not running around or causing chaos or anything like that.

Still, I’m finding it awkward. I work from home and I’m usually upstairs on Zoom calls or writing reports, and it just feels a bit strange knowing there’s a child downstairs while her mum is hoovering or mopping the floors. I don’t have children myself and I suppose I’m not used to having someone else’s in my personal space. It changes the dynamic a bit and makes it feel less like a professional service. I also can’t help worrying about the what ifs - what if something broke or she hurt herself? Would I be responsible?

I completely understand that school holidays are a nightmare for working parents and childcare is expensive. I don’t want to be unsympathetic. I haven’t said anything to her yet because I don’t want to come across as precious or unkind. But equally I’m paying for a service and this isn’t what I signed up for.

AIBU to feel uncomfortable about this and consider raising it gently with her? Or should I just let it go for a few more weeks until the holidays are over? I want to be fair but I also feel a bit blindsided. Would love to know what others think.

OP posts:
Zov · 03/08/2025 13:36

Westfacing · 03/08/2025 13:35

Nope, just stating facts. And being real. And not being a pushover. Seems a few posters on here don't like women being assertive and strong.

Oh, give over!

Assertive and strong in relation to the young woman who has been a kind and reliable cleaner for a year?

For a year yes.... She's not reliable now is she? Bringing her child to work?

mcmooberry · 03/08/2025 13:36

Mindyourfunkybusiness · 03/08/2025 13:24

My father took me to client meetings during summer holidays sometimes. These people were often childless and some of the most talented people I've ever had the privilege to meet. One played piano professionally and whilst my father was doing the structural survey, she played the piano for me and sat me next to her and taught me a bit (she even told me to bring my violin next time to play together!). That ladies kindness has stayed with me as a memory. Another older lady showed me how her two cats like to play fetch. Another had a daughter similar age and told me to play in her room. Another lady made me food and I played with her son (and we regularly met up socially after that!). Having been shown this kindness in my life and having been shown this behaviour has made me a better person. Oh and my career was influenced by this wonderful man who was also a client of my father. These people showed kindness and tolerance to my father, who had to take me some days to work (even if its just for a couple of hours because of mums dr appointment or whatever she'd normally do school hours) they have inspired me to be a better person, my career was thanks to one.
A lot of these people still use my father's company to this day and socialise outside of work 30 years later.

These are all lovely important memories for me. A little kindness stayed and influenced me. I personally follow on this tradition and any children that come through my door get offered TV, craft box, conversation, kindness. And ofcourse the WiFi password if needed. Their questions answered if they have things to say, left to their own devices if they're calm, busy watching tablet. I do expect good behaviour from all guests but I've never had a problem to be honest.

I guess my point of view is a bit different having experienced being that kid, and I'm thankful it was with such lovely people. OP, kindness goes a long way, sometimes can stick with someone for decades as a precious memory. But if you're really uncomfortable you can find someone else I am sure.

What a lovely post!
I think the cleaner should definitely have asked but I hope the OP reads this and changes how she approaches the situation, she can either make the daughter feel welcome - or not. I would 100% put up with this (and make the daughter feel comfortable as she is no trouble) rather than risk losing such a great cleaner.

Westfacing · 03/08/2025 13:35

Zov · 03/08/2025 13:30

I have said this multiple times on this thread, but apparently I am just a mean and spiteful old biffer who is just sooooo angerreeeee! 😠

Nope, just stating facts. And being real. And not being a pushover. Seems a few posters on here don't like women being assertive and strong.

Shame really. Sad

Nope, just stating facts. And being real. And not being a pushover. Seems a few posters on here don't like women being assertive and strong.

Oh, give over!

Assertive and strong in relation to the young woman who has been a kind and reliable cleaner for a year?

MyDeftDuck · 03/08/2025 13:35

curious79 · 03/08/2025 10:44

I’d let it go unless you find it really easy finding cleaners and really can’t stand the child there
she clearly has no other option

This
I doubt she would bring her if she had a childcare arrangement in place that’s safe and reliable……….perhaps someone has let her down. Let it go.

Zov · 03/08/2025 13:35

😂

Zov · 03/08/2025 13:35

😂

Zov · 03/08/2025 13:35

Probably for the best @CyanDreamer

CyanDreamer · 03/08/2025 13:34

Zov · 03/08/2025 13:32

Here we go again, with the non existent 'sisterhood.' As I said, I am not going to defend someone purely because we both have a vagina, if I think their behaviour is unnacceptable. What the OP's cleaner is doing is unnacceptable - to the OP. FACT. No amount of 'ooooh be KIND' rantings are going to change my opinions on this.

Edited

No one is trying to change your opinion, and frankly, if I had the ill-luck to work for you, i wouldn't take any of my children anywhere near you, it's not safe 😂

Zov · 03/08/2025 13:34

NuffSaidSam · 03/08/2025 13:32

It is a shame that you can't use that assertive strength for another purpose. If you leant towards supporting people you could really make a positive difference.

I am. I'm supporting the OP, and agreeing with her that the cleaner's behaviour - bringing her child to work - is bang out of order.

Zov · 03/08/2025 13:34

NuffSaidSam · 03/08/2025 13:32

It is a shame that you can't use that assertive strength for another purpose. If you leant towards supporting people you could really make a positive difference.

I am. I'm supporting the OP, and agreeing with her that the cleaner's behaviour - bringing her child to work - is bang out of order.

ButterCrackers · 03/08/2025 13:33

BoredZelda · 03/08/2025 13:30

Do we also need to do this when having play dates?

These are your guests and your home insurance should cover damage and accidents. Check your policy. It might cover you outside you home as well. You need to check it though.

NuffSaidSam · 03/08/2025 13:32

Zov · 03/08/2025 13:30

I have said this multiple times on this thread, but apparently I am just a mean and spiteful old biffer who is just sooooo angerreeeee! 😠

Nope, just stating facts. And being real. And not being a pushover. Seems a few posters on here don't like women being assertive and strong.

Shame really. Sad

It is a shame that you can't use that assertive strength for another purpose. If you leant towards supporting people you could really make a positive difference.

BoredZelda · 03/08/2025 13:32

cha04 · 03/08/2025 13:29

No company has to show you their policy. You can show proof of insurance but the policy absolutely not.

That proof should include what the cover includes and excludes.

I work in construction where we hire subbies for small jobs all the time. They provide full details of insurance or they don't get the job.

Zov · 03/08/2025 13:32

BoredZelda · 03/08/2025 13:28

The alternative here is, make life much harder for someone when what they are doing causes you zero inconvenience. You can choose that if you wish. It isn’t about any kind of sisterhood it’s about not being a twat.

Here we go again, with the non existent 'sisterhood.' As I said, I am not going to defend someone purely because we both have a vagina, if I think their behaviour is unnacceptable. What the OP's cleaner is doing is unnacceptable - to the OP. FACT. No amount of 'ooooh be KIND' rantings are going to change my opinions on this.

CyanDreamer · 03/08/2025 13:31

Zov · 03/08/2025 13:26

Oh, yes, we mustn't forget BE KIND. Especially if you're a laydee. Women must support women after all, no matter how ridiculous any given woman is being, or how daft and cheeky her demands or behaviour. Funnily enough I don't just wilfully support someone because we both happen to have a vagina. 🙄

I can't figure out if you are so angry because someone has a child, or because they can take them to work with them?

As I said, I had MEN bring their children too.

The only ridiculous one is you. You can have an opinion, but going into such a state about this? What nerve has been touched?

Westfacing · 03/08/2025 13:31

Spindrifts · 03/08/2025 13:18

70 years ago my mother took me to her cleaning jobs. I was made to sit and draw, read a book, or play with my Sindy. So, no, it is not unreasonable to bring your child to a cleaning job. If she asked first, then it is not at all bad if the child is well behaved. There is such a things as being kind and if she goes the extra mile to help you, then she is worth hanging onto.

Some 55 years ago my mother took my younger brother to her evening cleaning job at Fords car factory!

Times have changed Grin

Ddakji · 03/08/2025 13:31

Zov · 03/08/2025 13:26

Oh, yes, we mustn't forget BE KIND. Especially if you're a laydee. Women must support women after all, no matter how ridiculous any given woman is being, or how daft and cheeky her demands or behaviour. Funnily enough I don't just wilfully support someone because we both happen to have a vagina. 🙄

How is a child sitting quietly on the sofa daft or cheeky?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 03/08/2025 13:30

Justchilling07 · 03/08/2025 13:24

Nobody’s suggesting it’s up to op to provide snacks, just that it would be a nice thing to do, for the child, who’s well behaved.A bit of human kindness goes a long way.

I would offer snacks if I had them - but I don’t tend to when my own children aren’t here.

I offered cans of drink as I had them.

SouthLondonMum22 · 03/08/2025 13:30

Zov · 03/08/2025 13:26

Oh, yes, we mustn't forget BE KIND. Especially if you're a laydee. Women must support women after all, no matter how ridiculous any given woman is being, or how daft and cheeky her demands or behaviour. Funnily enough I don't just wilfully support someone because we both happen to have a vagina. 🙄

Exactly.

It's kind to to run around preparing snacks for someone's uninvited child whilst you are supposed to be working? Please.

You know what is kind? Asking before you just bring your child along when you are working.

BoredZelda · 03/08/2025 13:30

ButterCrackers · 03/08/2025 13:26

You might need to think a little bit more - if something’s broken by the ten year old who pays for this? If the ten year old hurts herself who is liable? If the parent can’t work because her child is recovering from injury then what happens? All questions that the cleaner and op need to check up on. Accidents can happen in the most unexpected ways. Adding in - if the op needs to interrupt her work to deal with a child related emergency problem and loses money, time, a contract from this who pays compensation?

Edited

Do we also need to do this when having play dates?

Zov · 03/08/2025 13:30

SouthLondonMum22 · 03/08/2025 13:27

OP is working. She isn't hosting the cleaners child.

I have said this multiple times on this thread, but apparently I am just a mean and spiteful old biffer who is just sooooo angerreeeee! 😠

Nope, just stating facts. And being real. And not being a pushover. Seems a few posters on here don't like women being assertive and strong.

Shame really. Sad

cha04 · 03/08/2025 13:29

BoredZelda · 03/08/2025 13:26

Of course they do, if they are insured for what they are doing in your property. If they hold PI cover, you can ask to see it and they should have no problem showing it to you. Many public businesses display their policies for all to see.

No company has to show you their policy. You can show proof of insurance but the policy absolutely not.

CyanDreamer · 03/08/2025 13:28

Justchilling07 · 03/08/2025 13:24

Nobody’s suggesting it’s up to op to provide snacks, just that it would be a nice thing to do, for the child, who’s well behaved.A bit of human kindness goes a long way.

in fairness, I am not sure I had much snack to offer before I had kids.

Now I have cupboards full, but that goes with being a mum, and kids, kids friends, random playdates and random little or young people being invited at any time of the day 😂

Coffeeishot · 03/08/2025 13:28

ButterCrackers · 03/08/2025 13:26

You might need to think a little bit more - if something’s broken by the ten year old who pays for this? If the ten year old hurts herself who is liable? If the parent can’t work because her child is recovering from injury then what happens? All questions that the cleaner and op need to check up on. Accidents can happen in the most unexpected ways. Adding in - if the op needs to interrupt her work to deal with a child related emergency problem and loses money, time, a contract from this who pays compensation?

Edited

I said earlier her mum would obviously be responsible it is just common sense.

BoredZelda · 03/08/2025 13:28

Zov · 03/08/2025 13:26

Oh, yes, we mustn't forget BE KIND. Especially if you're a laydee. Women must support women after all, no matter how ridiculous any given woman is being, or how daft and cheeky her demands or behaviour. Funnily enough I don't just wilfully support someone because we both happen to have a vagina. 🙄

The alternative here is, make life much harder for someone when what they are doing causes you zero inconvenience. You can choose that if you wish. It isn’t about any kind of sisterhood it’s about not being a twat.

Swipe left for the next trending thread