Page 14 | To think my cleaner shouldn’t bring her own child to work?

Informercera · 2025-08-03T09:43:13+00:00

I’m really torn on this and would love some outside perspective. We’ve had the same cleaner for just over a year and she’s been fantastic, reliable, thorough, really kind and trustworthy. We’ve always got on well and I genuinely like her. But over the past few weeks, since the summer holidays started, she’s been bringing her 10 year old daughter with her when she comes to clean. Her daughter isn’t badly behaved at all. She just sits quietly on the sofa in our living room watching things on an iPad. Sometimes I hear little giggles or the sound of whatever she’s watching, but she’s not running around or causing chaos or anything like that. Still, I’m finding it awkward. I work from home and I’m usually upstairs on Zoom calls or writing reports, and it just feels a bit strange knowing there’s a child downstairs while her mum is hoovering or mopping the floors. I don’t have children myself and I suppose I’m not used to having someone else’s in my personal space. It changes the dynamic a bit and makes it feel less like a professional service. I also can’t help worrying about the what ifs - what if something broke or she hurt herself? Would I be responsible? I completely understand that school holidays are a nightmare for working parents and childcare is expensive. I don’t want to be unsympathetic. I haven’t said anything to her yet because I don’t want to come across as precious or unkind. But equally I’m paying for a service and this isn’t what I signed up for. AIBU to feel uncomfortable about this and consider raising it gently with her? Or should I just let it go for a few more weeks until the holidays are over? I want to be fair but I also feel a bit blindsided. Would love to know what others think.

GentleJadeOP · 03/08/2025 14:18

Good god! This is really nasty. Poor woman has to work around her children and i applaud her for that. Some empathy from you would go a long way! Have you not got children and found out how expensive childcare is?

redjeans28 · 03/08/2025 14:18

I find it absolutely shocking that you have a problem with a well behaved child sitting on your sofa for a couple of hours. I hope when you have a 'gentle' word with your cleaner that she sacks you off because frankly you sounds really, really uptight. I can't even imagine trying to make someone's life even more difficult. Shame on you.

x2boys · 03/08/2025 14:18

Someone2025 · 03/08/2025 14:11

You could end up loosing your cleaner

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Well apparently she hasent got two pennies two rub together according ti some posters so she not going to willingly lose clients is she?

Welikebeingcosy · 03/08/2025 14:17

x2boys · 03/08/2025 14:13

She does have a choice the summer holidays are not a surprise they happen at the same time every year ,maybe if the cleaner is as poor as everyone is trying to imply she should look at booking her child into some HAF activities.

Edited

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HAF is usually about 16 days of the summer holidays and four hours a day at that. Some providers are more generous and cover the longer days, but the general day paid for by LA is four hours for 16 days out of about 30 weekdays.

SouthLondonMum22 · 03/08/2025 14:16

Rainallnight · 03/08/2025 14:11

I think this would be very unreasonable. You’re going to tell a mum with no affordable childcare options that it’s been ‘awkward’. What do you think her response is going to be?

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That's the assumption but no one actually knows for sure because the cleaner didn't bother to have a conversation with OP and just showed up with her child.

Pinkissmart · 03/08/2025 14:16

Zov · 03/08/2025 11:10

I appear to be in the minority here, but I think this is hugely unprofessional, and I wouldn't like it - or stand for it. As has been said, that poor child, having to sit there while her mother cleans! It's not on, and I would be replacing this cleaner.

'Oh well childcare is soooo expensive so it's OK' is a load of old tosh. What if she worked in a bank, or a factory, or a shop, or in a normal office? You can't take your children to work with you FFS! And as YOU are working as well @Informercera this is exceptionally unnacceptable and wrong.

As has been said, she will be getting enough money for doing her job, she can find childcare - like everyone else has to!

Look for a new cleaner.

How Diego

doitorleaveit · 03/08/2025 14:14

Welikebeingcosy · 03/08/2025 14:12

I agree. İt does very much come across that the OP likes the idea of having professional staff rather than a real person from the real world, doing a really good paid job for them.

I'd encourage the OP and anyone else who thinks this is an issue to read the true story book Maid, by Stephanie Land.

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Same! Recommended OP watch Maid, the Netflix series, didn't realise it was a book. Thank you

x2boys · 03/08/2025 14:13

indecisivewoman81 · 03/08/2025 14:10

At 10 she is too young to be left on her own at home. Your cleaner may have very little choice.

I really think it's a non issue. She sounds very well behaved.

Come September I'm sure it will all go back to normal.

She does have a choice the summer holidays are not a surprise they happen at the same time every year ,maybe if the cleaner is as poor as everyone is trying to imply she should look at booking her child into some HAF activities.

Pinkissmart · 03/08/2025 14:13

x2boys · 03/08/2025 10:53

So would posters be just as happy if a plumber,electrician, builder also brought their child to work🤔

Given that plumbers and electricians earn massively more than cleaner, I'm not sure it's the same thing.

OP, I would be absolutely ok with this. You are helping someone with limited options put food on the table for her family.

I'm always appalled on these threads at the number of people who treat cleaners like indentured servants- shame on them, really.
Same ones who post because it's hard juggling family and a job, but don't stop to think how hard it really is when you can't throw money at a problem

Cherryicecreamx · 03/08/2025 14:13

The only thing that would bother me is that she didn't run it past me more so just to be polite. But other than that she's not causing a distraction and it's only for a few weeks of the holidays.

I remember going with my mum to clean the office when I was a child because she was my only care. If they said no, she wouldn't have been able to do the job and they would have to find someone else and we would be out of pocket. It was just best to let it slide for everyone.

RobinStrike · 03/08/2025 14:13

If the other option is that you have no cleaner for the duration of the summer holidays, how would you feel about it? Because if her whole wage from you goes on childcare for her daughter she may as well not work. I’m assuming if she had family who could help, her daughter would already be with them rather than in your house. Maybe suggest she uses headphones and agree on where she sits ? If you say you don’t want her there you may find you lose your cleaner.

doitorleaveit · 03/08/2025 14:13

x2boys · 03/08/2025 14:02

I think you don't understand that the cleaner is providing a service she's not part of the family.

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Exactly my point.

She's just a body doing a service. Might as well be a robot. That's how people think of cleaners etc. I personally don't. Op and perhaps you, do.

Handrearedmagpie · 03/08/2025 14:13

An older child like this who sits quietly and doesn't distract the cleaner from working would not bother me in the slightest, it's just for a few weeks.

Welikebeingcosy · 03/08/2025 14:12

doitorleaveit · 03/08/2025 13:59

I think one of the problems here is that the cleaner is not being treated as human.

My family is Caribbean by descent and in those countries, the 'cleaner' is offered any food or drink that the family is eating.

I've seen posts on here with people bemoaning that their cleaners drank some water from the fridge in a 4 hour shift.

The cleaner is a person.

I think the OP has a problem with the fact that the cleaner is a mother and that is in the OP's face. OP just wanted to open the door to let the cleaner in, and then when OP next opens the door, the cleaner leaves and the house is spotless. The cleaner could be a vacuum, a robot, whatever, but not a human.

I agree. İt does very much come across that the OP likes the idea of having professional staff rather than a real person from the real world, doing a really good paid job for them.

I'd encourage the OP and anyone else who thinks this is an issue to read the true story book Maid, by Stephanie Land.

Rainallnight · 03/08/2025 14:11

Informercera · 03/08/2025 12:03

Thank you so much to everyone who’s replied - I didn’t expect this many responses and I’ve read every single one. It’s been really helpful to see things from different angles, even if I still feel a bit conflicted.

Just to clarify a few things that came up - no, she didn’t ask in advance if she could bring her daughter. The first time it happened I thought maybe it was a one-off emergency, so I didn’t say anything. But this has now happened three times in a row and I’m realising it may be the plan for the whole summer. Her daughter isn’t disruptive, but she is there for the full two hours and I do hear the iPad sometimes. It’s not loud, but it’s not silent either. More than anything it just changes the feel of things - it’s different having a child in the house, even if she’s well behaved.

I should also say that I really like my cleaner and trust her completely. She’s been brilliant over the past year and has even picked up on little things around the house that I’ve missed. I don’t want to upset her or make her feel like she’s done something terribly wrong, especially when I know childcare over the summer is expensive and hard to arrange.

At the same time, I think it’s reasonable to feel unsure about the boundaries here. I’m paying for a professional service, and it just feels a bit off having someone’s child sitting in my living room while I’m upstairs on work calls. I don’t have children myself, so maybe that’s part of why it’s feeling intrusive. I also worry about the what ifs - like if she had an accident or touched something fragile.

I’m going to speak to her, gently. I’ll try to keep it kind and non-confrontational - just say I’ve noticed her daughter’s been coming and that I do understand the challenges with childcare, but I wasn’t expecting to have someone else in the house and it’s made things feel a bit awkward. I’m hoping she’ll understand and maybe has an alternative arrangement lined up soon anyway.

I think this would be very unreasonable. You’re going to tell a mum with no affordable childcare options that it’s been ‘awkward’. What do you think her response is going to be?

Someone2025 · 03/08/2025 14:11

Informercera · 03/08/2025 12:03

Thank you so much to everyone who’s replied - I didn’t expect this many responses and I’ve read every single one. It’s been really helpful to see things from different angles, even if I still feel a bit conflicted.

Just to clarify a few things that came up - no, she didn’t ask in advance if she could bring her daughter. The first time it happened I thought maybe it was a one-off emergency, so I didn’t say anything. But this has now happened three times in a row and I’m realising it may be the plan for the whole summer. Her daughter isn’t disruptive, but she is there for the full two hours and I do hear the iPad sometimes. It’s not loud, but it’s not silent either. More than anything it just changes the feel of things - it’s different having a child in the house, even if she’s well behaved.

I should also say that I really like my cleaner and trust her completely. She’s been brilliant over the past year and has even picked up on little things around the house that I’ve missed. I don’t want to upset her or make her feel like she’s done something terribly wrong, especially when I know childcare over the summer is expensive and hard to arrange.

At the same time, I think it’s reasonable to feel unsure about the boundaries here. I’m paying for a professional service, and it just feels a bit off having someone’s child sitting in my living room while I’m upstairs on work calls. I don’t have children myself, so maybe that’s part of why it’s feeling intrusive. I also worry about the what ifs - like if she had an accident or touched something fragile.

I’m going to speak to her, gently. I’ll try to keep it kind and non-confrontational - just say I’ve noticed her daughter’s been coming and that I do understand the challenges with childcare, but I wasn’t expecting to have someone else in the house and it’s made things feel a bit awkward. I’m hoping she’ll understand and maybe has an alternative arrangement lined up soon anyway.

You could end up loosing your cleaner

indecisivewoman81 · 03/08/2025 14:10

At 10 she is too young to be left on her own at home. Your cleaner may have very little choice.

I really think it's a non issue. She sounds very well behaved.

Come September I'm sure it will all go back to normal.

DailyEnergyCrisis · 03/08/2025 14:10

But despite my post above- she should have asked you first. I still would definitely accommodate it though even if she didn’t. Sounds like she goes the extra mile for you noticing cleaning issues that you haven’t- time to show her some flexibility in return.

TheLemonLemur · 03/08/2025 14:09

Tricky what did she do last summer? If you are her only client that day I can see why childcare is tricky as she will pay more than she makes. For a good cleaner I would let it go its different if she was bringing a baby or toddler round but I would perhaps text and say could she let you know in advance in future if she needs to bring her child? At end of the day its up to you but if you confront her be prepared that she may not come back

SouthLondonMum22 · 03/08/2025 14:08

Rosesanddaffs · 03/08/2025 14:05

I think you are being really mean.

It’s obvious she doesn’t have childcare so why even bring it up with her.

I wouldn’t blame her if she told you to stick your job.

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Because she should've brought it up with OP in the first place and not just shown up with her child.

rainingsnoring · 03/08/2025 14:08

x2boys · 03/08/2025 14:02

I think you don't understand that the cleaner is providing a service she's not part of the family.

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Of course she understands that. You, on the other hand, don't appear to understand that there is such a thing as cultural differences and that not everyone is as mean and ungenerous as you are.

stclementine · 03/08/2025 14:08

liveforsummer · 03/08/2025 13:42

You don’t need a child friendly home for a quiet 10 year old, and the same standard of professional service is still being provided. Yes there is a supply of cleaners but as you have discovered, not all of them are good or reliable. Like this one is!

I just want my house cleaned so I don’t have to bother doing it. I’m not looking for anything that isn’t a basic skill. The agency I use have loads of cleaners on their books. If one does turn up one week, I can get another. If that person then doesn’t turn up a second week I ask for them to be replaced. If one turned up with a kid, she’d be asked to leave and I’d ask the agency to send someone else. It’s really not difficult.

DailyEnergyCrisis · 03/08/2025 14:08

Good cleaners are a highly valued resource where I live. I pay them well, often leave drinks/snacks out and try to be as kind/flexible as possible.
This is my approach with anyone working in the house as it’s normal to just be decent but I do go the extra miles for cleaners as I depend on them. I’d be in the camp getting the little girl snacks/drinks and popping Netflix on for her.

But I have kids so I know the cost of childcare and the inflexibility if it’s required for just a 2 hr clean.

Isobel201 · 03/08/2025 14:06

likeafishneedsabike · 03/08/2025 10:51

I see people working remotely all over the place eg cafes, public libraries. But maybe it depends on the work involved. Taking zoom calls in Starbucks wouldn’t be ideal.
I just can’t imagine being in the house while a cleaner tidied up my family’s mess.

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its possible, I had the carpets cleaned whilst I worked in a separate room where it had no carpet, so the cleaners didn't go in there.

Rosesanddaffs · 03/08/2025 14:05

Informercera · 03/08/2025 12:03

Thank you so much to everyone who’s replied - I didn’t expect this many responses and I’ve read every single one. It’s been really helpful to see things from different angles, even if I still feel a bit conflicted.

Just to clarify a few things that came up - no, she didn’t ask in advance if she could bring her daughter. The first time it happened I thought maybe it was a one-off emergency, so I didn’t say anything. But this has now happened three times in a row and I’m realising it may be the plan for the whole summer. Her daughter isn’t disruptive, but she is there for the full two hours and I do hear the iPad sometimes. It’s not loud, but it’s not silent either. More than anything it just changes the feel of things - it’s different having a child in the house, even if she’s well behaved.

I should also say that I really like my cleaner and trust her completely. She’s been brilliant over the past year and has even picked up on little things around the house that I’ve missed. I don’t want to upset her or make her feel like she’s done something terribly wrong, especially when I know childcare over the summer is expensive and hard to arrange.

At the same time, I think it’s reasonable to feel unsure about the boundaries here. I’m paying for a professional service, and it just feels a bit off having someone’s child sitting in my living room while I’m upstairs on work calls. I don’t have children myself, so maybe that’s part of why it’s feeling intrusive. I also worry about the what ifs - like if she had an accident or touched something fragile.

I’m going to speak to her, gently. I’ll try to keep it kind and non-confrontational - just say I’ve noticed her daughter’s been coming and that I do understand the challenges with childcare, but I wasn’t expecting to have someone else in the house and it’s made things feel a bit awkward. I’m hoping she’ll understand and maybe has an alternative arrangement lined up soon anyway.

I think you are being really mean.

It’s obvious she doesn’t have childcare so why even bring it up with her.

I wouldn’t blame her if she told you to stick your job.