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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think my almost 13yr old dd is absolutely fine.

64 replies

namechangediscount · 03/08/2025 10:21

I have recently been told my dd is behind for her age by mil. My dd is a intelligent kind and funny girl. All her teachers tell me she is great and doing very well in all her subjects at school. She plays football at lunchtime at school with her friends . She still plays with lego but mainly builds sets and displays them same with toy cars She displays in her room.
When I take her younger brothers to softplay she still enjoys going in and playing with them ( this is allowed as she is a sibling supporting younger siblings)

My niece is the same age and into makeup her phone etc She also is a smart funny girl who gets along with dd well despite being so different to eachother.

Mil thinks dd should be more like niece and dd is behind. Apparently I'm doing her no favours. All this was said after I told mil I'm taking dd to the lego store as a treat as she's being a absolute star recently

OP posts:
Ozgirl76 · 03/08/2025 10:48

Actually, reading between the lines, does MIL think she’s gay?

RhaenysRocks · 03/08/2025 10:47

I teach this age group. There's a huge disparity in every secondary age group between those who are "further along" the growing up route. by Y11 we have some regularly having house parties with alcohol and some still utterly oblivious and meeting one or two friends at a trampoline park or Macdonald's. Y8-9 girls particularly are miles apart. One is not better than another.

Ozgirl76 · 03/08/2025 10:47

I have 13 and 15 year old boys. They both love Lego, playing football, going on bikes, hell they both have a load of stuffed toys, including a particular favourite each.
Yes they do have phones and love more grown up stuff like music, PS5 games etc but football and Lego are not things you can ever grow out of! My FIL has a whole loft of Lego (we call him President Business). Keep her liking what she likes, unashamed, for as long as possible.

PurpleThistle7 · 03/08/2025 10:44

My daughter is almost 13 and still likes cuddly toys and isn’t fussed about makeup and is very much her own person. They have decades to be adults, I’m super happy to let her stay a child for as long as she likes.

Original poster
namechangediscount · 03/08/2025 10:42

LouisaJG · 03/08/2025 10:37

What is your MIL worried about? That she won’t be pregnant at 14? What’s the urgent looming deadline here?

If she was significantly out of step socially with her peers and was being bullied for that I can see that the bullying would be an issue, but it doesn’t sound like that’s the case, in fact it sounds like her peers are a lot more relaxed than MIL is. Are the friends your DD plays football with her own age?

All the same age.

OP posts:
curious79 · 03/08/2025 10:40

The longer she stays away from make up / phones the better

MiL is ill informed

skilpadde · 03/08/2025 10:39

Are football and lego supposed to be limited by age? Or is that only for girls?

I’m in my 40s and I love building lego sets. I wish I was still up to playing football, but alas HRT is not that miraculous.

Your MIL needs to get with the times.

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 03/08/2025 10:38

Fuck, I'm 42 and still building Lego. Can't believe I've let myself fall so far behind my peers!

LouisaJG · 03/08/2025 10:37

What is your MIL worried about? That she won’t be pregnant at 14? What’s the urgent looming deadline here?

If she was significantly out of step socially with her peers and was being bullied for that I can see that the bullying would be an issue, but it doesn’t sound like that’s the case, in fact it sounds like her peers are a lot more relaxed than MIL is. Are the friends your DD plays football with her own age?

TheNightingalesStarling · 03/08/2025 10:36

Lots of teens lije tour daughter and lots like your niece. Both are normal.

TheSandgroper · 03/08/2025 10:34

Dd was still playing with her Barbies at that age - nearly at the end and only on her own but it’s how she settled her mind at the start of each holiday. Allow her to say goodbye to her childhood at her own pace. You will be pleased you did.

AngelicInnocent · 03/08/2025 10:33

Oh good grief. Tell MIL that its 2025 and girls/women are not limited to doing nice makeup and hair so they can catch a man. They can have careers and be engineers and scientists instead of just the wife of one.

Manybutterflywings · 03/08/2025 10:29

Your face will tell MIL that you hear what she says and it is duly noted. What you are thinking is ‘fuck off’ my DD is fab.

BarbaraVineFan · 03/08/2025 10:26

I think this is fine, lovely in fact. I’m a secondary teacher- every year, lots of the year 8s are at different stages from each other and they all just find their niche.