To think my almost 13yr old dd is absolutely fine.

Your DD sounds wonderful OP…and as other posters have pointed out, it’s 2025! Women and girls are stronger than ever, so no longer need to be ‘into’ make-up and fashion in order to feel validated. DDs Lego building could be the first step into an amazing career in engineering. Or it could just be a hobby. Who cares? She’s doing great 👍🏻

Tell your MIL to look at the bigger picture here (whilst saying FUCK OFF in your head 👌🏻)

I was like your dd and considered 'young' for my age as a teen. I wasn't into make-up but preferred reading, collecting seashells, writing stories etc. I was compared to my (very lovely) cousin of the same age who had dates and was very trendy. There wasn't anything wrong with me and I grew up fine (good job, family, lots of friends).

Exactly - my daughter is in her 20s and plays women's football as a hobby, she's a pediatric occupational therapist and while she doesn't play with lego in her free time, she sometimes does at work 😝 She volunteers with a special needs charity one full day a month and has taken a group to a trampoline park today and will be on the trampolines with them, because that's necessary.

She does occasionally put a little bit of makeup on for a special occasion and I've always thought she and her long term boyfriend and their friendship group are more "grown up" than I am in my 50s, in that they host each other at detective murder mystery dinners once a month, which they dress up in character for - usually in evening dress - but thinking about it this could also be seen as being very childish and role playing and playing dress up.

Anyway my daughter's female friendship group is really enduring and supportive and mostly grew from girls' and women's club football. All the women have plenty going on in their lives - careers or still studying and a couple have husbands and small children already.

I don't think they're behind their peers...

When I was still teaching, I found it really sad when one of my 11 yr olds turned up for her first day at high school (Scotland) with a face covered in make-up.

Your dd sounds fab. I’m a girl guide leader (girls 10-13) and there’s a massive range at that age. Football is a very popular hobby with the girls. Those with a strong sense of who are and do what they enjoy are likely to fare well through teen years. I like Lego at my age there’s all those kits of buildings and flowers.
I’d cut off any comparison chat from MIL we are all different.

Laura Hemp, England Lioness, is a Lego builder and has a sponsorship with them so who knows where your daughters hobbies will lead her.

Snap.

Oh no! Your MIL had better tell Lauren Hemp that she needs to grow up because she's too old for football and lego now!

I’m 62 and so glad to hear there are still preteen girls like I was at that age.

We’ve supposed to have opened up the world to give young girls more opportunities, and I’ve been lucky to take advantage of some of those things that my mother or grandmother weren’t able to.

In some ways I see young girls’ outlook narrowed by societal expectations these days. Choice of toys, choice of hair length, whether or not to wear makeup shouldn’t be under pressure whether from peers or family, and that’s not just for girls, it should be for boys too.

When I was 13/14 I was into makeup, my phone and boys and drinking/smoking in the park after dark. Things that were too mature for my age, but I also secretly still played with Barbie’s at home.
I think at that age it’s such a big spectrum of what they’re into, and most of the ones acting ‘older’ aren’t doing it solely because they want to; it’s mainly because what they think is ‘grown up’ and what they should be doing.

My DD is 14 and doing her Scouts Young Leader training... this is considered a sign of her maturity. And her "job" involves quite a lit of playing with younger children!

Me too!!

And DD likes fashion, makeup (partly because she does a lot of acting and dance and uses it in shows) and uses her phone, and also loves Lego, science, rock climbing, watersports etc - I question people who think this is an "either/or" option for teens and tweens.

Sounds like different tastes not stages.

I'd be shutting that down and making sure MIL doesn't express it where DD could hear - or even to her aunt where cousin might hear and repeat it.

I don't understand why some posters are commenting essentially saying it's okay for your DD to be growing up more slowly - nothing you've said suggests she IS less mature than her cousin, just that she has different interests. While well intentioned, the only thing that's suggesting is that playing football and building lego are childish interests and it's okay she hasn't grown out of them yet, but 'real women' like 'makeup and phones.'

Which I'm sure the Lionesses would have something to say about! I know lots of adults that are into lego as well. Obviously this can be instead of or as well as being into makeup etc.

Even softplay - she's looking after younger dc rather than going off and playing on her own which suggests maturity, unless mothers of toddles are also childish. Even if she did enjoy playing herself, a local softplay by me does adult hours which are always busy, the local trampoline park, parkour place and skate park all do adult sessions - none of that is 'just for kids.'

I was still secretly playing with my dolls aged 13, tbh probably quite a few of my classmates were too! Just ignore!

Ignore MIL. Your daughter is fine.

Why do you care about what your MIL says? Is she some educated child psychologist or just some person with a backward opinion?

You know your daughter is perfectly fine why give it a second thought?

@ VimesandhisCardboardBoots -
Totally agree about the Lego! I’m a grandmother, and one year, after buying innumerable Lego sets for the DGC (and my DS who has a big grown up important professional job), I got one for myself because I’ve always liked it. The OP’s daughter will be fine - tell MIL there’s no reason why cousins should be clones of each other. As teenagers, my sisters were into make-up and I most certainly wasn’t, but it didn’t stop me from going to university and getting a degree.

Are there any friendship issues at school or examples of other kids being unkind? Do the two girls go to the same school? Does DD have a phone?

Of course liking football and Lego are totally normal at this or any other age. There's also lots of girls who like both of those things, and make up and phones too so it doesn't have to be an either or situation. MIL could be being totally out of order but equally it could be coming from a place of concern if there's something going on you might not be seeing or something your niece has mentioned. I think I'd want to just consider if that's the case before discounting it.

Op your mil needs to wind her neck in. Your daughter sounds absolutely lovely. I'd rather have a child that plays with Lego than one who is constantly on the phone!!

I was your daughter - she sounds fantastic.

I had a more 'advanced' cousin, who got so drunk when she was 16 she had her stomach pumped, and had some truly awful boyfriends, as having any boyfriend was so important to her, and if they were a few years older, all the better.

Hope you laughed hysterically at your mil.
Dd is fine.
Smile and wave. Leave her be

Your MIL is a half-wit.
HTH.

Of course she’s fine.

Your daughter is fine. Lego is a great hobby. Tell MIL to mind her own.