Relationships - difference in work and pay

Well I can't see anything in OP's posts which says this person isn't supporting themselves. I could have missed it of course.
I thought the problem was this person isn't earning enough to live the lifestyle OP lives. And thats a totally different thing.

Yes, there are, but you need to earn enough to support yourself first.

Your partner knows that you'll spend your money on her. You're already doing it, paying for holidays and I would bet you pay more than your share for days out or nights out or other activities.
Sorry but I think she's looking to move in with you.
I'm sure she does love and care for you and your child it's not about that but some people are happy to take because it's easier than actually having to get it for themselves.

Also suggest minimal contact between DC and girlfriend, since the relationship seems unlikely to progress long term.

Based on the going around the gender, im assuming op and partner are both women. Not that it matters.

It is one thing to lack ambition. Not everyone cares about work like that. I don't, im happy not to advance or become better. So that is not a dealbreaker for me. However, a 40yo in a houseshare and no intention of getting a full time job was a dealbreaker for me. Unless there was a reason for it.

You're just not compatible. This bothers you and that is understandable. It wouldnt be a dealbreaker for everyone but it is fine that it is for you.

You have a DC and important financial commitments so IMO it’s poor use of your money to subsidise your girlfriend.

It’d be better to mainly do things within her budget and not shop together or plan and pay for her holiday. If that’s not enjoyable for you perhaps you’re not that into her.

Long term, you don’t seem compatible in terms of money or work, at least at this point in time.

With a DC to consider I wouldn’t want to subsidise another adult (my DC’s step parent) living in my home. So if you continue dating would make clear that living together wasn’t on the cards.

I had a very similar situation. My partner ended up taking 6 months out and retraining before getting a job that he liked which led to 2 promotions. I’m still the higher earner but 7 years later we have a child together and split bills by same ratio as our earnings which means our lifestyle is affordable for both of us. We keep other money separate and spend it on things we value. I have on occasion toppped up our budget without asking or expecting the money back because I want to do something o know he’d love but can’t afford. It feels nice to do stuff together and I just call it a treat. He does stuff for me like give me morning off, buy me flowers or a nice book which is also a treat - just little surprises - which whilst they don’t cost the same probably mean more because they are done with thoughtfulness. If things had stayed the same as before I think it could have been an issue but sometimes it is about timing and I think giving the person space to work out what they want is important. If it helps we were roughly same age - I was turning 40 and he was nearly mid thirties. Hope it works out for the best for you both either way

I think it would be ok if you keep this very very casual. Dating only, not moving in with each other, money completely separate. You have a boundary (in your own mind) about the extent to which you're prepared to subsidise them and stick to that. That might be fine for you. But probably at some point you will want this to get more serious and then it could become tricky.

See usually in this threads people say something like ‘I own a house, he doesn’t, should I leave him’, which I think is a bit superficial. Perhaps for context, the women in my family have been quite well off and in senior professional jobs for generations, and usually that’s meant that the wealth of the man hasn’t been relevant as long as they’re lovely and the right type of person.

However, your situation sounds completely different and like you lead totally different lives.

Basically, you work and he doesn’t. It sounds like you have lots of drive and he doesn’t. It’s not about the financial difference, it’s an outlook on life.

I can’t even imagine what someone would do if they work 2 days a week by choice, how do they use their time? Initially I was going to ask if he’s in his early 20s, but now that I know his age, how does he even support himself? Even if it’s family money, IMO wealth is irrelevant and attitudes need to be aligned. Doesn’t sound like they are.

I would really struggle to get excited about this relationship, I think I would get bored of it quite quickly.
It doesn't sound like your lives are in the same place. At 40yrs they are literally living the same life as my 18yr old daughter who has just finished school and also working in retail (temporarily).
What do you find to talk about? My most recent ex walked out of his job after we had been together for 5mnths. The relationship quickly went down hill for me. He had no money, he had nothing to talk about other than what he had made for dinner. For me I had an exciting new job, I had a pay increase and was generally so happy with where I was heading. Even after we split he still didn't see why walking out on his job was a problem.....

Your partner has just completed a degree, it might take a while to get a related job. I think doing a degree at 40 is fine, they are pursuing their ambition later in life.

It might just be that your stages in life are too different as you are much further down the line in career and in responsibility level.

It would be a firm no from me. I’m not interested in people that lack aspiration or ambition. There is nothing wrong with this being a reason to not be with someone. I surround myself with my kind of people And I don’t mean this purely in relation to affluence , just drive.

Hmm, too many doubts here. I'd not want to be in a relationship with someone who didn't take their career seriously and couldn't pay their way for a holiday. Why did he do the degree - surely you can ask that? To enrich his mind or to increase his earning power / get on in life? And why hasn't he done this earlier? Does he have other sources of income as I don't see how anyone can live these days on the wages of a lowly paid job of only two days a week?

Yes its been assumed its a hetrosexual couple and she the woman.
statistically its the norm on mumnet.

But honeslty Sex is immaterial here - A responsible parent doesnt do this.

Wouldn’t work for me. Part of my initial attraction to DH was his his motivation and ambition.

Everyone is assuming OP is a woman and her partner is a man.

Am I missing something? I can't see anything where that's been confirmed.

Could be that OP is a man.. or both OP and partner are women.