To not understand Dh’s problem with me working like this

So you are doing all the childcare for a high needs child, do everything around the house and the family finances. Besides all that you also work part time.

Your husband does next to nothing in the house and barely any childcare and he just has a full time job, that he appears to hate?

Seems like he has got the better deal and he is resentful of you? Ungrateful git!

If he doesn't like his job, that's his problem to solve. You are not his emotional punching bag and you are not responsible for his career.

OP your set up sounds perfect. Yes he has to work and do a bit of parenting and adulting, but I suspect you carry the bulk of the house and life admin. Don’t change it for him, don’t pander to him. I say this as a woman who holds down a nearly full time job and has to do the bulk of childcare in evenings due to my husbands job hours. It’s not that hard to hold the fort at home sometimes; women do it all the time. Is it because he is a man he feels this is unfair?

I think its time for a tedious list of all you take care of for him, or stop taking care of him so he can see how much you cover and the work he needs to do if you don't do it. My child taken care of, coming home to a cooked meal and the freedom to go out several times a week sounds a luxurious life to me.

So he is jealous.
He sees you earning very good money vs the number of hours you’re putting in.
And he BELIEVES that being at home is like being in hols, lounging around, doing nothing. Never mind you’re at home with your dd.

We’re back to the mysoginist idea that women work isn’t work, esp if it’s unpaid.

Im going to guess he never had to look after his dd on his own for days on end. Ensure she is gettimg some sort of education even she isn’t at school. Dealt with school, appointments etc??
And I’m pretty sure that if you were to propose to swap roles over and HE does all the cleaning, cooking, appountments, education, he wouldn’t swap either?

@DrinkFeckArseBrick I don’t think she will respond to this. Many others have asked the same question.

Have you had a proper chat with him about it? If he ia saying g his day was hard, does he hate his job etc? Would both of you doing part time be q possibility? Would swapping roles (you working full time, him being at home) be a possibility?

If it’s not time for himself, what is it?
I mean he is CHOOSING to see friends. He could decide to so end that time with the op (on the top of the weekends)

Sounds like he is spending more time out with friends per week than OP is spending working. I hope he sees that.

This last year, Dd has barely been able to be at school,
He should not be resentful he should greatful that you are able to stay and look after your child. Who does he think is going to look after her when off school. No job is that flexible. I would call his bluff and say you will work full time and he can take care if her full time see what he thinks of that. It's as if he isn't even considering your child in this.

So true. My ex once announced that 'women only have kids so they don't have to work'.

Takes over in the evenings! 2 hours three times a week to parent his own child. my heart bleeds.
How many times do we see on mn fathers who don't do any childcare or cleaning because they have a big job and they are vilified rightly? This poor bugger has to do 6 hours a week.

I think it’s all in the OP’s head.

She won’t answer any questions about what exactly he’s doing to show this apparent resentment.

Omg just ask him! In a non-aggressive, understanding way. He might even say something like yes I admit it’s silly but I do feel jealous of your free time. Having that conversation may prompt him to examine his feelings and whether they’re rational or not. We can’t read his mind.

But I wouldn’t be giving up this dream set up just because he’s jealous, if it turns out that’s the reason

Love a vague thread in the morning me.

Have you actually spoken to your husband?

He's jealous because he's working full time in a job with no flexibility whilst you're working very part time (6h a week term time only is nothing). Whichever way you look at it, you've got it much better than him, so he's jealous.

Loads of us have asked the same questions as your first paragraph. Op even gave a love reaction to my post where I asked these questions about how he shows his resentment as all she’s said is that he “seems” resentful. But she hasn’t answered anyone about this. Very strange.

I would ask him, don't try and guess. Just ask him straight out what his problem is...is he jealous, resentful that he thinks you could earn more?
If that is the case, ask him how he will cover DD if she is sick and you have to be at work as you would not be jeopardising your job for him.
Perhaps you are reading too much into it and like most men think that if you are at home you are doing nothing!

It not clear what the problem is. You say you have the perception he isn’t happy with the few hours you work. What has he actually said about it? How does he express this dissatisfaction?

I would ask him straight up, if you worked 9-5 earning the same money, would he be happier? Bearing in mind he would have to take equal amounts of time off work as you to attend to DC needs?

Is it the actual difference in financial earnings he is bothered about eg he earns 90K, you earn 15K so he feels a bit trapped/feels he could do a bit more of the house stuff/go part time if you earnt more. My husband didn't think my kids needed as much hands on parenting as I did and it did cause friction.

also this

this

Well if he resents you earning well and doing all home and child stuff just imagine how much he would hate coming home and cooking and parenting. He doesn’t sound very loving.

To me it sounds like jealousy. You have a job that clearly earns well for the few hours you do.
You also get to stay home..as others have said housework doesn't take all day, every day so I imagine he feels you have a lot of free time.
It's also vague how unwell your daughter is and how frequent she is at home or needing to go to appointments. If it's once a month then this probably feeds into his frustration, however if it is several times a week then you do have a lot on your plate, so more information is needed on this point.
I think you need to talk to him though to see what it is he is resentful about. Maybe he actually would prefer to be the parent that gets to go to medical appointments but feels being the dad he is overlooked. Maybe he realises you would earn more than him working full time - he might see this as something to switch so that you do this, or it might be affecting his own ego. Unless you actually talk to him you won't really know what it is that he is unhappy about.

How are the finances balanced? Can you afford this lifestyle? It sounds like he wants you back full time to support (he’s at work full time so can see how resentment has crept in)