Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pressured into having a baby by older partner

159 replies

courtneyk92 · 02/08/2025 22:03

I've been seeing a 45 year old man, I am a 32 year old female. He looks after me so well. I've been dating him since 2023, and just these last few months gotten serious where we've moved in together. He has 3 grown children, all 20+ (had them young). I have a 8 and 6 year old who he adores. He really wants more kids, since he met me he has said "every single day I vision what our children will look like" , "my dream is to have a baby with you", "are you prepared to give me a baby", " I want lots of babies with you" and just begs me for a baby constantly. to the extent he keeps taking the Condom off.. and purposely ... inside me and I keep taking the morning after pill and its making me so sick. I feel so pressured because he gets moody if I say no :( any advice ?

OP posts:
BrendaSmall · 02/08/2025 22:28

He’s hardly looking after you well is he?!?!
ffs!
get away from him ASAP!!!

Sassybooklover · 02/08/2025 22:27

He's either trying to trap you, so he can then better control you or he has a breeding fetish. The fact he's removing the condom during sex without your consent, and is anally penetrating you, even when told no equates to rape. You need to remove yourself and children from this relationship asap. He's not a good person on any level.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 02/08/2025 22:25

Please report this disgusting man to the police for both anal rape and stealthing rape. He needs to be stopped. Please leave as soon as it is safe for you to do so.

summerlovingvibes · 02/08/2025 22:24

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Monty27 · 02/08/2025 22:23

courtneyk92 · 02/08/2025 22:17

he also keeps doing me anally even when I say no, and cry. I am going to leave him

Show quote history

You.need.to.leave.and don't.have sex.with.him.ever.again.

SeagullFreeZone · 02/08/2025 22:21

He’s a rapist.
Report him to the police and get him the hell out of your house and away from your young children.

FOJN · 02/08/2025 22:21

How can you describe a man who has repeatedly raped you as "looking after you so well."?

Please leave him ASAP. Whether you decide to go to the police about the rape is something to think about when you are safely away from this awful man.

noctilucentcloud · 02/08/2025 22:20

As others have said OP, removing the condom when you've not consented is rape. Him forcing you to have anal sex when you say no is also rape. Please talk to someone like women's aid or your GP. You don't deserve to be treated like this. He is not a good partner or man.

WrylyAmused · 02/08/2025 22:18

And with the drip feed, 100% leave him, and also consider reporting to the police - non consensual sex of any kind is rape, and you've listed two types already

WrylyAmused · 02/08/2025 22:17

Him wanting a baby didn't sound so bad (although shouldn't be nagging and wouldn't happening unless you also want one) until you came to the bit where he's repeatedly stealthing you by removing the condoms, which is 100% rape and illegal.

Hopefully you leave him.

But if you don't want to do that immediately, read him the riot act about never ever removing a condom again unless you've consented to it, and also get yourself an implant, iud, injection or other reliable permanent contraception.

Original poster
courtneyk92 · 02/08/2025 22:17

Monty27 · 02/08/2025 22:15

@courtneyk92 it's actually a crime. You didn't consent to sex without contraception.
Get away from him.

Show quote history

he also keeps doing me anally even when I say no, and cry. I am going to leave him

OP posts:
FOJN · 02/08/2025 22:17

Agree with PP he's trying to trap you and will then become abusive. Leave now.

If you cannot or will not consider that option then get a coil.

Monty27 · 02/08/2025 22:15

Stade197 · 02/08/2025 22:10

Stop having sex with this man if he is purposely taking the condom off causing you to take the morning after pill, if he is taking the condom off during sex without you realising and consenting then this is called stealthing and is classed as rape

@courtneyk92 it's actually a crime. You didn't consent to sex without contraception.
Get away from him.

Original poster
courtneyk92 · 02/08/2025 22:15

SeagullFreeZone · 02/08/2025 22:08

I read your other thread about your Universal Credit compliance interview.
Have you told them he’s moved in?

Yes I put in on my journal in May. and changed my circumstances

OP posts:
mildlydispeptic · 02/08/2025 22:14

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Praying4Peace · 02/08/2025 22:13

Amanitacae · 02/08/2025 22:07

He’s trying to trap you.

You already have 2 kids OP.
Nobody should be pressurised into having a baby. His actions and words are extremely worrying.
Please concentrate on yourself and your children. You don't need this man

Wishitsnows · 02/08/2025 22:13

Run the moment you are pregnant this will change so much for the worse and you will be trapped

Monty27 · 02/08/2025 22:11

Run for the hills

Astrak · 02/08/2025 22:11

Leave as soon as possible. He sounds deranged and controlling.

Stade197 · 02/08/2025 22:10

Stop having sex with this man if he is purposely taking the condom off causing you to take the morning after pill, if he is taking the condom off during sex without you realising and consenting then this is called stealthing and is classed as rape

Nextweektoo · 02/08/2025 22:09

Break up? You want different things.

Purplecatshopaholic · 02/08/2025 22:09

Any advice? Run. Get TF out of this situation, he is controlling, scary, odd, and defo not someone to have a child with. Seriously, leave now! Plus, if he is removing the condom and continuing without your agreement he is technically raping you, you do realise this?

Eenameenadeeka · 02/08/2025 22:09

He sounds intense and unsafe and i would leave.

SeagullFreeZone · 02/08/2025 22:08

I read your other thread about your Universal Credit compliance interview.
Have you told them he’s moved in?

Coastliner · 02/08/2025 22:08

Amanitacae · 02/08/2025 22:07

He’s trying to trap you.

This. Then the bad, controlling behaviour will start. Run! Red flags all over this one.