Parent reacting negatively towards house purchase

Only take the money if you are OK with her saying "nanny bought you this" to your DC every time she walks into your house.

Tell her to take her 50k and go. I wouldn't have her holding me to ransom because she's giving you some money, I can guarantee after 6 months of u being in new house she'll want it back, you'll will never hear the last of it, its a way on controlling you.
Try and find a cheaper house and tell her to stuff her 50k where the sun don't shine !

Simple solution say you don’t want can’t accept the money suck up the extra payments each month or pull out and go for something cheaper .

Have you told her how you feel about what she’s doing? She may think she’s giving helpful advice and not appreciate how it’s coming across.

If that doesn’t help then probably best not to take the money. No if it’s a loan rather than a gift that may affect your ability to get a mortgage.

I think this is right. My parents did it for us, but it was a while back so I can't recall the terms / wording now. They have also given me letters re other sums, saying that the amount is a gift.

I’m a mortgage broker, and with respect, this is mostly tosh. There are some brokers who are less knowledgeable, and some who work from a limited panel of lenders, so I’d make sure you’re dealing with an experienced broker who doesn’t charge fees and who is whole of market. There are a number of lenders who actually offer preferential terms and rates via brokers, and the fee they pay the broker is not passed on to the consumer. Brokers are actually obligated to provide best advice under FCA regulations, and will have to keep evidence on file of why they recommended the product and lender. Your broker should be knowledgeable about all lenders criteria, and if borrowing is tight, will be able to tell you which lenders will lend the most. You could spend literally days hawking around lenders direct and still not find the one that is actually best for you.

It is correct that you can’t be on the deeds if you’re not on the mortgage, however you could safeguard this by putting a Deed of Trust in place with your conveyancing solicitor until such a time as you are able to go back on. It is also correct that unless your mum signs to say this is a gift, lenders will treat it as a loan and this will obviously affect how much you may be able to borrow.

When one person isn’t earning, putting both parties on the mortgage does reduce affordability for the vast majority of lenders, hence why your broker has told you that.

I think your best approach is to just be honest, sit down with your mum when there’s nothing else going on and tell her how much you appreciate the money, that it will make life easier for you, but that you’re finding the “strings” that seem to be attached difficult. She’s probably sticking her oar in because she wants the best for you, but what works for her isn’t necessarily what works for you, so telling her that you understand why she’s doing it, but asking for more autonomy might work?

Don’t take her money.

Personally I wouldn't take the money because it sounds like more trouble than it's worth.

Many years ago my late MIL offered to buy us a pram ip to a certain budget. We chose one, a really good quality Silver Cross being sold second hand but in excellent condition. MIL was very unhappy it wasn't brand new and withdrew her gift.

Some people are just odd about money OP. Any gift that comes with strings attached is not much of a gift.

She sounds a complete nightmare. Decline the gift, it sounds like the mortgage is manageable without it.

As has been repeatedly said, the mother can't loan the money if it is to be used for a mortgage that would otherwise be unaffordable. It has to be a gift that she can't rescind at any time, and it will have to be legally recorded as such.

If she gives the money to her daughter who is not on the mortgage, and the couple split, the money may end up being lost to the daughter's partner, and the mother could reasonably be concerned about this eventuality (obviously I am not saying it is likely, but it's not my £50k).

Unless the OP speaks to her mother and both parties are frank with one another about what, if any, strings are attached to the money the bad feelings are likely to continue. If the situation (in which the OP gets the house she wants and the mother has the buzz of knowing she has helped her daughter to get it) can be saved, it seems to me madness that for the sake of a conversation it might be lost. If, OTOH, the mother does see the 'gift' as a loan, or wants to have a say in what the OP does with it, then decisions need to be made about whether to accept it or not. But those decisions need to be made with full knowledge of all the facts, not assumptions.

I wouldn't accept the money. One of the advantages of home ownership is that it's your bit of turf chosen by you to make into your home. Perhaps see if you can extend the mortgage term with a view to over paying the mortgage once you return to work. Alternatively, look to buy somewhere cheaper with a view to moving in say 5 years time. Under no circumstances should you accept a mortgage that doesn't have your name on it.

I wouldn't accept the money. One of the advantages of home ownership is that it's your bit of turf chosen by you to make into your home. Perhaps see if you can extend the mortgage term with a view to over paying the mortgage once you return to work. Alternatively, look to buy somewhere cheaper with a view to moving in say 5 years time. Under no circumstances should you accept a mortgage that doesn't have your name on it.

I'd turn it down because she says she might ask for the money back at any time. You'd have to try to remortgage and could lose your house to pay her back.

Gifts come with ribbons and bows, not with strings attached

tell your mum “thanks but no thanks, we’re not going to be manipulated by this gift, you either give it with your blessing and be happy we’re on the property ladder finally, or you don’t.”

100% she’ll be demanding this money back from you, demanding all kinds of things

don’t take her money, you’ll regret it forever

There seems to be some confusion on the mortgage/finance/legal side of things:

1. It is technically, legally possible to be an owner on the deeds of a property but not listed on the mortgage. There isn’t a reputable lender on the planet who would lend on those grounds. They simply would not do it. If someone is saying that they can or would do that on an initial residential mortgage with two individuals (like OP’s situation) they are either misinformed or a scammer. It categorically doesn’t happen. Do we really think some of the most financially sophisticated businesses in the world are going to be handing out hundreds of thousands of pounds with absolutely no collateral? If an owner isn’t listed on the mortgage, they can’t repossess the property in the event of default.
2. The mother would need to explicitly declare that the £50,000 is a flat-out gift. If there is any intention at all to recoup any of it under any circumstances at any time, the mortgage lender will factor that into affordability.
3. The only possible way that a mortgage lender would be willing to lend more without OP on the mortgage is if OP’s not listed as a dependent that way. Given that OP is definitely a dependent, not declaring that is mortgage fraud. It is both civil and criminal fraud. It would be uncovered during the process. If it isn’t, it could be uncovered at any point in the future and be disastrous.
4. A “marital asset” does not mean that OP will get half in a divorce. If he turned around and said “we intentionally decided she wasn’t on the deeds and wasn’t on mortgage and she doesn’t work - it’s my house, as declared and agreed” then that is a very strong argument against her getting the house. How do we think OP’s counter of “the only reason it was all in his name is because we committed fraud” would go down?

OP, regardless of how you handle your mother, you must be declared and registered properly. Your mortgage broker sounds like they’re advising you to do things that are illegal and not in your interests. Remember - they broker gets commission for referring you to a lender. They are motivated to get you taking out a loan for as much as possible (because they get paid more if you borrow more), and if they decide to subtly convince you that it’s a-ok to break the law for them to get their commission then certain, shady brokers will do that.

Don’t have the money and advise her to keep her oar out of your house hunting

Am I the only one who thinks the mother should be given a chance to say how she feels and why? It is a generous offer, and she may not realise she is being controlling, or may worry because her daughter is not going to be on the deeds.

People seem to be advising that not being on the mortgage is a bad idea (and I agree) but not recognising that the mother might feel the same. There may be clumsiness if she doesn't want to say outright that she doesn't want the OP's partner to have her £50k in the event of a split.

Sitting down to thrash it all out seems to me the sensible way forward, before writing off an offer without which the OP can't have the house she wants anyway, whether her mother approves of it or not.

She'd have to write a letter to state it was a gift. I can't see her doing that on a house she doesn't like.

@Asbusyasabee I agree with others saying don't accept the money. Either struggle for a bit to pay for this one now, or find another one you can afford more comfortably. A gift with strings is not a gift, its control.

Do it without her money. She sounds awful and you don't want to be tied to her in this way with her lording it over you for years to come.

Don’t take the money.

my mum paid my postgraduate loan for years and then I moved away once I got married and she just ceased paying for it.

put me in a difficult financial position.

I’d say don’t borrow the money as it’s a loaded transaction with your mum’s expectations

Do not proceed unless you’re on the mortgage and the deeds

I think if she is paying in then she has a right to be concerned that her money is going to be used wisely, and isn't going to see her money disappear because a property falls into negative equity. If you dont want her involvement that is absolutely fine, but you can't take her money.

You’re not being unreasonable. But better to use your own money frankly - if necessary buying cheaper house.

Don’t take the money. It will change the relationship and she will always think she gets a vote

This is true. I am giving my adult child money for a deposit and have to sign to say it is a gift with no strings, which is fine, as that's what it is.

In your position I would speak to your mum about her involvement if I could. £50k is a lot of money, and maybe she is worried that it will somehow get 'lost' if you don't buy something she sees as a good investment. Maybe she doesn't realise that she is behaving badly. If you can talk to her dispassionately about how you are grateful for her help, but you are worried that she is getting too involved in the purchase, so before you accept her generous offer you would like to clear up what the transaction involves, it might remove some of the uncertainty for you, and make your mum see that she's being unfair by imposing conditions, however vaguely, and make her back off.

She may also be concerned that the money is effectively going to your partner if you aren't on the mortgage. Would it be possible to have a solicitor look at that and draw up an agreement that in the event that you split you get that money back on top of any equity that has built up. I'm not suggesting that you will need to fall back on that, but it might reassure your mum.