Parent reacting negatively towards house purchase

If you take that £50,000 you will be paying for it forever.

Don't take the money and tell not to bother coming to stay.
She is a controlling cow and you will have no peace.
Step back and tell her you need time and space from her and mean it.
She is toxic snd power tripping.

Absolutely do not take the money and just look at what you can afford without it - smaller house, bigger mortgage, waiting another year... anything really. This isn't an actual gift and will come with so many strings it won't be worth it. Sounds like she'll think she can have an opinion on how you choose to spend your money for the next many years (did you get a takeaway that night! Could have paid me back... etc) and that's just not worth it.

I wouldn't be taking the money either, not the way it's going,

Take the money, ignore what she says if you don’t agree. She’s expressing her opinion, thats all. It really doesn’t sound particularly controlling to me, she’s not saying you can’t have the money if you don’t do what she says.
Clarify it with her if you need to.
Dont cut off your nose to spite your face, and make sure you are on the deeds.

It's not a gift if it comes with strings attached.

What if she also wants the interest when she asks for her loan back

Dont take the money from your mother and put yoursrlf on the morygage Only buy what you can afford .

1. You need to be on the mortgage. It makes no sense that you can borrow less with two of you on it that one. Go with a different broker. 2) Don't take the money from your Mum. Tell her that it was a lovely idea but the price of having her interfering is too high. 3) This may mean you need to adjust your budget. I understand that is hard, especially if you have found and fallen in love with a house but freedom is the main thing here. You need freedom from your mother and freedom for your future ( which means never putting yourself in a situation where you rely on your husband's good will re the mortgage. Even if you are madly in love now. Plan for when you're not and you not being on the mortgage is also a risk too far.

This thread is going round in circles. Why are people jumping to conclusions about how someone they have never met will behave in the future? Why is nobody listening when it is repeatedly pointed out that the mother can’t ask for the money back - she will have to sign a legal document to say the money is a gift - and ignoring the possibility that she is worried about sinking a lot of money into something that her daughter might never own?

I am about to give up saying this, as the OP seems to have gone anyway, but talk to your mother and find out what she thinks rather than making assumptions.

and has even rescinded the 'gift' to more of a loan (said it'd unlikely but if needed some money back she'd ask us, but would give plenty of warning ....)

OK , she can have an option on the house ( we all have opinions ) but it's not her house .
But don't take the money , she'll go from gift/loan/gift/loan probably asking you for it back if she's offended by some imagined slight .

You don't want this being held over you .

Take the money, laugh in her face (well, behind her back). Let her take you to civil court if need be. It was a gift remember?

Sounds bogus to me, who is this mortgage broker?- why would you being on the mortgage lower the possible borrowing amount? It is simply a multiple of the wages funding it , it has nothing to do with who is on the papers.
Never, ever, contribute to a household or mortgage unless you are on the papers, particularly if you have young children, it is a desperate gamble. I'm happy for the poster above who made this gamble and it worked out- but she could have lost her home and any money or work she had contributed to that household, you also don't necessarily get 50% of the house if you are not on the deeds, even if you are married, there is a reason why wives have been on the deeds of the matrimonial home for the past few generations.

I’d honestly rather pay her £50k to leave me in peace and not have it lorded over us that she “bought the house”. Honestly it’s not a gift she’s giving, it’s a noose that will tighten over time. If she asks for it back then that puts you in a way worse spot having to potentially remortgage to give her it back, not to mention the stress on what seems like an already fractious relationship. Sort your own affairs and either suck up the £200 payment or just buy within your budget. £200 a month also seems like a small price to pay for a peaceful life without your mother sulking for the next 20 years over various changes you’ve made to a house she she hates that she thinks she’s gifted you.

Are you sure shes actually got the money @Asbusyasabee ?

Er...Im not on our mortgage but I'm
on the deeds. Like OP, I'm older than my husband and we would have been offered a shorter term of I'd been on the mortgage. Our lender is a major bank and the broker got us a very good deal

If you are married it doesnt matter whose name is on it.

Tell her to only on and take the money with her.

She'll be banging on about it 15 years long after you've repaid the "gift"

Not the point if the thread but definitely do use a mortgage broker, they look at the whole of the market for the most suitable lender and best rate for the customer. For the OPs scenario it sounds as though the rest of the deposit is coming from equity in the current house, if she is on the deeds and mortgage of this one she will be gifting this to her husband by not going on the mortgage as most lenders expect the deeds and mortgage to match. In this scenario not many lenders will like this as she will reside in the property and have a vested interest in worse case scenario of repossession. OP you need to go on the deeds and on the mortgage to protect yourself, lots of lenders have adjusted affordability recently on the back of the FCAs relaxation so get your broker to run the numbers again. If you can’t borrow what you need for this property without your mums help then look for another property.

Your mum doesn't sound sure about giving this huge gift, so don't accept it. It'll be a big muddle.

Personally I wouldn't move closer to your Mum or take her money- she is clearly opinionated and controlling- her meddling will only get worse if you go forward with the house purchase.

This sounds like my mum all over. Honestly. Don’t take the money. She will hold it over your head till the day you die

I'm a broker and we absolutely do need to get the customer the best deal. We need to justify why we haven't chosen the cheapest deal available under the mortgage code of business (MCOB) and FCA requirements. It is a heavily regulated industry and payment from lenders has nothing to do with the product we choose.

Don’t take the money, to many conditions attached to it!
As it’s potentially a loan she’s putting you in debt anyway and I wouldn’t trust even my mum if she were behaving like this.
i agree with others saying get mortgage advice, it’s outrageous to say you can’t be on the mortgage as you’re not working, that sounds very sexist and makes you very vulnerable, however great your marriage is, you should be equal partners in a mortgage.

My DM offered to help my DH and I buy a house but we said no. While my DM does not sound as tricky as yours, I absolutely knew there’d be lots of unsolicited advice and we just didn’t want it hanging over us. We much preferred to do things on our own and I didn’t know (and still don’t) what my DM might need as she gets older. So we felt better not to complicate things.
The dynamic you describe sounds a little odd with somewhat dramatic reactions from your DM but I also got the sense of you maybe seeking her approval in some way? Maybe I’m way off the mark but I’m not sure. It sounds very messy, it was a gift and then a loan. She might need the money back and will give ‘plenty of warning’ but there’s no clear idea as to what that actually means. The other things you describe make me think that even with the best will in the world she is unlikely to stick to any terms agreed and even if she did, would be constantly reminding you that if it wasn’t for her you wouldn’t have this house, or she might even consider it part hers. All the signs are there for this to go downhill pretty fast. I think better not to accept. Good luck x

Don’t take her money and buy what you can afford.
I once showed my parents a house I was looking at (no cash from them) and had my dad on the phone later in tears telling me not to buy it. I didn’t but I only because the vendor wouldn’t budge on price and I didn’t want to take out a mortgage.
Roll on 10 years when my daughter was looking to buy… he told me not to let her buy a certain kind of home. Needless to say I ignored him and she did 😃