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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

That my neighbour’s paranoia is not my problem.

321 replies

Libertylawn · 02/08/2025 18:19

I have lived in my house for 20 years and it’s got a loft conversion which was done originally as a granny flat, so little kitchen and bathroom, 2 bedrooms. We are semi rural but near a couple of major employers and a business park and so I started letting out the annex to contractors. They are all fully vetted and usually just down for a couple of weeks or so. The rooms overlook farmland and my garden and also my neighbour’s garden.

My neighbour when she found out about the lodgers went bananas and has tried to report me to anyone that will listen, because she firmly believes it isn’t safe and as a consequence she and her children won’t go in the garden AT ALL, in case my lodgers are watching her. Why the hell they would want to watch her or her kids is beyond me.

The neighbour has kids the same age as mine, and we have mutual friends. She has cried - tears crying - saying how worried she is and that I’m ruining her dream house. The houses are detached, there’s no shared drive etc so this is all on the basis of the chances of nutters watching her put her washing on the line. I’ve ignored her so far but this morning I got a card through the door from her begging that I stop letting out the annex to anyone “except maybe relatives.” I’ve tried talking to her but am getting nowhere. She’s crackers isn’t she?

OP posts:
TheSilentSister · 03/08/2025 21:01

I wouldn't like it. You buy a home and expect it to be private, then someone starts letting out rooms etc and you have a row of randoms in the mix. I wouldn't be comfortable at all. Not saying I'd do anything about it, what can you do. But it's not what your neighbour signed up for and I'm on her side.
I lived next to a college and a few houses sold over the years and were then let to students. I would not have wanted to live next to students and if that had happened, I'd have moved pronto. However, if your neighbours love their house and area, it must be sickening to find themselves in this situation. You're OK, you're making a quick buck out of it.

Cerezo · 03/08/2025 21:00

Libertylawn · 03/08/2025 20:38

My point entirely.

Only admitted or prosecuted axe murders would show.

your neighbour is a loon.

Hmm1234 · 03/08/2025 20:54

You sound way to trusting the old pensioner next door tending to his garden could be a convicted paedo. All the best 🙌

CaptainFuture · 03/08/2025 20:48

It's the total self importance of her, and on a similar thread where op is complaining neighbours dc are soo interested in what she's doing in her garden/kitchen because they happen to look over when on their climbing frame...

FluffykinsTheFerociousFeralFelineFury · 03/08/2025 20:48

Pinkgiraffe34567 · 03/08/2025 18:02

I would suggest renting out during the winter months only, it’s better than nothing and might be enough to appease the neighbour.

You don't appease loonies, you ignore them!

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 03/08/2025 20:43

She’s unhinged. Just carry on and ignore her. If it wasn’t that, she’d find something else to complain about.

Libertylawn · 03/08/2025 20:38

Cerezo · 03/08/2025 20:33

Tbf if they were a secret axe murderer it wouldn’t show on their DBS anyway.

Edited

My point entirely.

OP posts:
Libertylawn · 03/08/2025 20:38

Hmm1234 · 03/08/2025 20:04

No shes got a point, what do you mean the contractors are vetted how would you know? DBS checks to rent a room? lol I doubt it. If they overlook her garden I can imagine how she feels her ‘dream house’ being ruined by a rental property with different lodgers all the time. You should stop being so money hungry

Goady much?

I have enabled my kids to stay in the home they were born in and be more independent of my fool ex. But that makes me money hungry? Ok!

Suppose they were all all all on the sex offenders register? They are simultaneously working at somewhere where I can (if I chose) to get hold of their employer and make a load of trouble. And they can see one third of a neighbour’s garden. I’m guessing they can get their kicks elsewhere.

OP posts:
Cerezo · 03/08/2025 20:33

Libertylawn · 02/08/2025 18:58

Funny you should say that - no, I don’t get to see their DBS and DBS was mentioned to one of our mutual friends. But I barely say 10 words to anyone staying here, so unless they’re a secret axe murderer and simultaneously working for a company you’d have heard of, I’m not too worried.

Tbf if they were a secret axe murderer it wouldn’t show on their DBS anyway.

shuggles · 03/08/2025 20:24

It's completely normal for people to see, and hear, parts of their neighbours' properties.

TonTonMacoute · 03/08/2025 20:17

DH was a contractor, and for over 20 years had to go away to work Monday-Thursday. It can be a fucking miserable existence, and I have to say your set up sounds lovely OP.

Your neighbour is completely batshit - bordering on offensive to brand all men who have to work away from home as some sort of pervert.

LakieLady · 03/08/2025 20:05

spoonbillstretford · 03/08/2025 19:02

I'd be tempted to wind her up further and tell her your next lodgers are refugees being housed on a government scheme and watch her implode from space.

Brilliant! 😂

Hmm1234 · 03/08/2025 20:04

Libertylawn · 02/08/2025 18:19

I have lived in my house for 20 years and it’s got a loft conversion which was done originally as a granny flat, so little kitchen and bathroom, 2 bedrooms. We are semi rural but near a couple of major employers and a business park and so I started letting out the annex to contractors. They are all fully vetted and usually just down for a couple of weeks or so. The rooms overlook farmland and my garden and also my neighbour’s garden.

My neighbour when she found out about the lodgers went bananas and has tried to report me to anyone that will listen, because she firmly believes it isn’t safe and as a consequence she and her children won’t go in the garden AT ALL, in case my lodgers are watching her. Why the hell they would want to watch her or her kids is beyond me.

The neighbour has kids the same age as mine, and we have mutual friends. She has cried - tears crying - saying how worried she is and that I’m ruining her dream house. The houses are detached, there’s no shared drive etc so this is all on the basis of the chances of nutters watching her put her washing on the line. I’ve ignored her so far but this morning I got a card through the door from her begging that I stop letting out the annex to anyone “except maybe relatives.” I’ve tried talking to her but am getting nowhere. She’s crackers isn’t she?

No shes got a point, what do you mean the contractors are vetted how would you know? DBS checks to rent a room? lol I doubt it. If they overlook her garden I can imagine how she feels her ‘dream house’ being ruined by a rental property with different lodgers all the time. You should stop being so money hungry

GaryA · 03/08/2025 19:59

Nutter!

thestudio · 03/08/2025 19:53

Libertylawn · 02/08/2025 20:45

She does - a very miserable tense looking husband. I think she whines to him a lot. He does a lot of cycling. Away for days, with panniers. And the rest of the time is in the garage. Hardly surprising.

I am on your side still - but this comment feels a bit misogynist. The vast majority of mamils are avoiding their share of parenting and the work involved in keeping a home going, not put-upon husbands of harridans... 😁

Escapetothecatshome · 03/08/2025 19:40

I’d do the grey rock method, You don’t have to explain anything you do to her.
I’d be very blunt in telling her that you didn’t buy your house to be told what to do by her, and that you’ll be having whoever you like in your property, whenever you like.

Oh and tell her to get a grip !

BlankBlankBlank14 · 03/08/2025 19:35

CaptainFuture · 03/08/2025 19:31

This. The current trend for the use of 'I have trauma' as a tool to control and guilt people to.do what the announcer wants is off the scale!
And the so called collaborative way is usually doing what the complainer wants...

This is true, manipulative behaviour.

Rosscameasdoody · 03/08/2025 19:35

CaptainFuture · 03/08/2025 18:28

Am bemused by some of the OP should try for a compromise... these lodgers should be vetted...
Do people think they would get a say if it was new buyers or renters?!

Not buyers, no. But having rented out a room and advertised online on various sites I can confirm that lodgers are required to register with the sites and provide checkable references and other information according to the requirements of the client. So es vetted as far as possible.

Kossak · 03/08/2025 19:34

MumMRM · 03/08/2025 18:19

Get the Amazon film that can go on windows so that the contractors can not see out, and tell your neighbour this.

So guests won't be able to look out of the windows? This is as crazy as the neighbour! I don't see why the OP should appease her at all. She's doing nothing wrong. And besides, this kind of appeasement never works. She'll be complaining about kids in their own garden next. Especially if they bring friends home and she sees - aargh - strangers!

BluntLion · 03/08/2025 19:32

I'd be more worried about her nutty behaviour tbh.

CaptainFuture · 03/08/2025 19:31

Rosscameasdoody · 03/08/2025 19:27

I’m sorry if this sounds harsh. But her neighbour’s response, whether as a result of trauma or not, is not OP’s problem. She’s doing nothing wrong and accommodating this neighbour in any way is just going to to increase the sense of entitlement which has driven this so far.

This. The current trend for the use of 'I have trauma' as a tool to control and guilt people to.do what the announcer wants is off the scale!
And the so called collaborative way is usually doing what the complainer wants...

Rosscameasdoody · 03/08/2025 19:30

ChelseaBagger · 03/08/2025 19:18

Just because an annexe has permission to be used as ancillary accommodation, does not automatically mean it has permission to be used as a self contained dwelling for rental purposes.

OP should consult their local authority to see whether they need to apply for a material change of use. Neighbour is not necessarily being ridiculous here.

Hasn’t OP already said she’s done this ?

BlankBlankBlank14 · 03/08/2025 19:27

ChelseaBagger · 03/08/2025 19:18

Just because an annexe has permission to be used as ancillary accommodation, does not automatically mean it has permission to be used as a self contained dwelling for rental purposes.

OP should consult their local authority to see whether they need to apply for a material change of use. Neighbour is not necessarily being ridiculous here.

Well she’s been doing it for two years, I’d hazard a guest the crazy neighbour had explored that avenue.

In addition OP says

One of the mutual friends says that she had tried to report me for “change of use” or something because I’m making a profit/running a business. But I live here too so that doesn’t stack. And I declare it all anyway.

Rosscameasdoody · 03/08/2025 19:27

standtherebicycle · 03/08/2025 18:30

This really sounds like it could be a trauma response. Its often worth considering, when a response seems/is massively disproportionate to a set of known circumstances and facts, whether it may be a response to unknown circumstances and facts - it may be previous personal experience driving it. Can you try asking whether there's anything you can do to make her feel safer (other than stopping renting out the room, obviously). If it is trauma and she feels dismissed and unheard/ignored - and worse - that she's being dismissed and ignored because you think she's 'batshit' - it could really make everything worse. It;s not easy, for either of you clearly, but I'd be looking for collaborative ways to sort it if possible.

I’m sorry if this sounds harsh. But her neighbour’s response, whether as a result of trauma or not, is not OP’s problem. She’s doing nothing wrong and accommodating this neighbour in any way is just going to to increase the sense of entitlement which has driven this so far.

ChelseaBagger · 03/08/2025 19:27

OP describes it as a self contained unit - It could be very feasibly be considered a separate two bed flat, especially as that is how it is currently being used. Although I'm struggling to see how a loft conversion could be self contained, and I'm very curious about the fire precautions and procedures.