Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My mind has actually been blown...

60 replies

lanbro · 02/08/2025 17:28

Saw my dsis yesterday, her xp, df of her child, is looking after his work friend's 2yo for a fortnight whilst her dps holiday alone....

Xp is dropping his own dd at nursery, friend's dd at her nursery in the opposite direction, then going to work, and obviously reverse at the end of the day.

Xp is a people pleaser, likely didn't know how to say no, but admits the toddler doesn't seem to have a clue what's going on

AIBU that you don't ask a work friend to look after your toddler for 2 weeks whilst you holiday without them? Not a funeral, a wedding, a long weekend, a necessary work trip, but a 2 week adult only pleasure holiday?! Mind. Blown that people think this is ok?!

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
DrinkFeckArseBrick · 04/08/2025 22:11

I think it's OK to judge in this scenario. 2 weeks is a really long time for a 2 year old and they're very young to be able to understand it really. I doubt most 2 year olds would be really comfortable with this unless with a very close family member that they already spend a significant amount of time with. Although everyone wants a break from their toddler, 2 weeks is too long and likely to cause distress to the child even if they look like they're OK. And I think it's shit he has accepted to do this, he is not putting the child's best interests first

Namechangerage · 04/08/2025 22:07

Bodypumpmum · 02/08/2025 18:18

What kind of parents holiday without their young child. How utterly selfish!

I mean, 2 or 3 nights, leaving them with grandparents at that age, fine. 2 weeks?! With a random work colleague doing pick ups is madness!

PyongyangKipperbang · 04/08/2025 22:05

CheeseNPickle3 · 04/08/2025 21:38

Well you might do, but your toddler doesn't and it's the toddler who's spending 2 weeks with a strange (to her) man.

It'd actually concern me more if she wasn't bothered about it. You'd expect a child of that age to be distressed if her main caregivers were absent for that length of time.

Show quote history

I was thinking that. Any of mine would have been hysterical if they were left with a stranger for a day never mind a fortnight!

CheeseNPickle3 · 04/08/2025 21:38

MikeRafone · 03/08/2025 07:29

You spend more time each week with a work colleague than you do friends, hardly a stranger

Show quote history

Well you might do, but your toddler doesn't and it's the toddler who's spending 2 weeks with a strange (to her) man.

It'd actually concern me more if she wasn't bothered about it. You'd expect a child of that age to be distressed if her main caregivers were absent for that length of time.

Mrscharlieeeee · 04/08/2025 21:31

Mind blown here too! This is bonkers! 2 weeks is such a long time, I can’t even comprehend. Is this a child he regularly looks after? Can he make medical decisions in an emergency etc? These sound like parents who should have stayed child free.

Notmyreality · 04/08/2025 21:19

Paperthin · 02/08/2025 18:08

Who leaves their 2 year old for two weeks to go on holiday? I agree with you op, mind blown!

Exactly.

Bananachimp · 04/08/2025 21:09

lanbro · 04/08/2025 20:06

Yes, I'm judging, and actually since I started this thread I have met the little girl and spoken to my xbil about it...I won't go into detail as it could be outing for the parents but suffice to say I'm even more blown away, and judging more

I will say the little girl seems very happy, and seems well adjusted, maybe she's used to it, but I still thinks it's crazy and I dont care if I'm judging!

Show quote history

So you've met her and she seems happy and well adjusted so...What's the problem?

Marble10 · 04/08/2025 20:10

Does he even have his own child 2 weeks straight? Weird set up IMO overall

Original poster
lanbro · 04/08/2025 20:06

FenderStrat · 03/08/2025 10:52

The whole purpose of Mumsnet is to be judgey about other people's choices!

Edited
Show quote history

Yes, I'm judging, and actually since I started this thread I have met the little girl and spoken to my xbil about it...I won't go into detail as it could be outing for the parents but suffice to say I'm even more blown away, and judging more

I will say the little girl seems very happy, and seems well adjusted, maybe she's used to it, but I still thinks it's crazy and I dont care if I'm judging!

OP posts:
FenderStrat · 03/08/2025 10:52

MissHollysDolly · 03/08/2025 10:51

You’re being quite judgy of other people’s choices. It’s none of your business.

Show quote history

The whole purpose of Mumsnet is to be judgey about other people's choices!

MissHollysDolly · 03/08/2025 10:51

lanbro · 03/08/2025 06:02

I don't think for one second it's a safe guarding issue, the child will be well looked after.

My mind is blown that a couple would choose to holiday without their child for 2 weeks, leaving said child with friends...! I couldn't understand a weekend for a child free wedding, or in an emergency, but in this scenario? Nope!

You’re being quite judgy of other people’s choices. It’s none of your business.

FenderStrat · 03/08/2025 10:45

Thought this might help:

Definition

random
/ˈrandəm/
adjective
1.
made, done, or happening without method or conscious decision

Driftingawaynow · 03/08/2025 09:14

@BabyCatFace
surprised by this, having had a social worker be critical of my ex leaving our 6 year old child with random neighbours for 24 hours which resulted in him getting v distressed.

RhaenysRocks · 03/08/2025 08:37

Ex and I left our 2&3 yo for 5 days once with grandparents for a late honeymoon. That was fine. I think longer would be pushing it but I my due to the kids missing us. After divorce they spend two weeks in a block with him in the hols and are ready to come home.
This is a known, trusted adult with his own child. Two weeks is a lot but it's not a safeguarding issue on any fronts.

taxidriver · 03/08/2025 08:33

is it a cultural thing?

Bread121bread · 03/08/2025 08:31

x2boys · 03/08/2025 07:22

Obviously it's got to be his fault 🙄

Show quote history

His fault in what?

Isitreallysohard · 03/08/2025 08:28

LividSquidward · 02/08/2025 17:37

I'd say dropping a 2yo with a random man was a safeguarding mega risk and I'd be reporting it.

Wtf

GAJLY · 03/08/2025 08:20

It's down to him to say no. But he didn't! He said yes and now he has to do it! Perhaps next time he'll be strong enough to decline!

Bananachimp · 03/08/2025 08:19

Bluetoothpaste · 02/08/2025 18:00

The couple asked a friend, also a parent, to look after their child and he said yes.

He’s a competent an adult man, presumably he could have absolutely said no if he wanted to.

I’m not really sure what is has to do with you or why you are so exercised about it?

Exactly this. You keep describing them as just a work friend but what do you know about the situation at all? What has it got to do with you?

FenderStrat · 03/08/2025 08:17

Clafoutie · 03/08/2025 08:10

What, facts?

Show quote history

OK let's run with facts.
One clear fact is that this wasn't a random man.

mintsugardress · 03/08/2025 08:16

Summerhillsquare · 03/08/2025 08:06

For 2 WEEKS, for a tiny child?! Come on.

Show quote history

What exactly are you expecting a social worker to do in this situation? The parents aren’t breaking any laws, and according to the OP the child will be well cared for by the sister’s ex, who the parents know well.

I wouldn’t ever leave my child in this situation either, but social workers don’t have endless time and resources to go round having chats with people who are making different parenting decisions than you or I would make.

Strictlymad · 03/08/2025 08:12

Poor little tot, whilst he may be a trusted friend for the parents I doubt as work colleagues the toddler has had much contact with him! Any little one is likely to be highly distressed at being left (for 2 WEEKS!!!!!!) with to them a strange man! What parents think this is ok!?!? Tbh I’d be a bit dubious even if it was grandparents when it’s a 2 year old and cor such a long time but this is bonkers!

Clafoutie · 03/08/2025 08:10

FenderStrat · 03/08/2025 07:47

Oh yeah. You're using that.

Show quote history

What, facts?

Summerhillsquare · 03/08/2025 08:06

BabyCatFace · 03/08/2025 07:22

Average social worker here - no we wouldn't. Parents are allowed to leave their kids with trusted friends while they go on holiday. It certainly wouldn't be my parenting style but social workers aren't there to intervene in questionable parenting choices, only where a significant level of harm is evidenced. This is not that.

Show quote history

For 2 WEEKS, for a tiny child?! Come on.

samplesalequeen · 03/08/2025 08:05

Is the colleague a man or a woman?

is there a chance he’s the father of this child and he’s not told his xp this?