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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset about this?

44 replies

Cuppatealover · 02/08/2025 17:22

Asked my partner what we were thinking for dinner tonight.

His response "I'm having Indian I don't know about you"

I laughed and said "What do you mean you're having it?"

And he said "I don't know if you can afford it as you've been out yesterday and going out tomorrow".

Absolute arsehole response in my opinion. AIBU to be pissed off and upset?!

OP posts:
LittlleMy · 02/08/2025 17:35

@Cuppatealover to me it sounds like he’s annoyed that you’re going out two nights on the trot but instead of saying it directly, makes the comment about whether you’ll have anything even left to contribute to food.

Katemax82 · 02/08/2025 17:35

Any decent human being would get their other half a takeaway if theyre getting themselves one?? Thats always been the case in my relationship

namechangeGOT · 02/08/2025 17:34

CyanDreamer · 02/08/2025 17:31

it doesn't depend.

They are partners, not roommates! Even if you split finances, who doesn't share meals? It's beyond bizarre.

Would people do that too? You run out of shampoo or toothpaste, too bad? We don't share finances so buy your own? 😂

Show quote history

I absolutely agree with you except the shampoo part! If anyone in my house touches any of my hair stuff I would bind their hands behind their backs!!

pigsDOfly · 02/08/2025 17:33

Is this how people arrange their finances now?

You live together but if your partner, for whatever reason, doesn't have the money to buy dinner you sit in front of them and eat your takeaway, while they what, have a slice of toast?

They're not housemates, it a very weird uncaring way to act towards someone you're supposed to love.

I agree with you OP, it's selfish and nasty.

CyanDreamer · 02/08/2025 17:32

Cuppatealover · 02/08/2025 17:29

I think its more the fact he didn't suggest if I'd like one and if I could afford it, but just deciding on his own and only mentioned it after I asked as I was going to cook for us (I do all the cooking)

why would you cook for him, in general, if you split up finances to that extend and you wouldn't share a take-away?

If people want to live like roommates and share nothing, then don't share food. He can do his own cooking. And his own laundry, have a cleaning rosta and basically be a roommate.

CyanDreamer · 02/08/2025 17:31

ninjahamster · 02/08/2025 17:23

Well it depends. Do you live together? Do you split takeaway costs usually?

it doesn't depend.

They are partners, not roommates! Even if you split finances, who doesn't share meals? It's beyond bizarre.

Would people do that too? You run out of shampoo or toothpaste, too bad? We don't share finances so buy your own? 😂

Cherrysoup · 02/08/2025 17:31

From an objective pov, that’s a shitty thing for him to have said. You say you normally split costs: does he earn significantly more than you and is resentful that you’re out having a good time without him?

Original poster
Cuppatealover · 02/08/2025 17:29

I think its more the fact he didn't suggest if I'd like one and if I could afford it, but just deciding on his own and only mentioned it after I asked as I was going to cook for us (I do all the cooking)

OP posts:
Redrosesposies · 02/08/2025 17:28

He's not your partner.....by any stretch of the imagination.

HelloGreen · 02/08/2025 17:27

I don’t know, if he’s been careful with his money so that he can have a takeaway and you’ve still had a good time with your money in a different way then I can see his point of view.

Are you expecting him to treat you? If you often treat him and it’s his turn to treat then that’s different. Or it depends on how you as a couple manage your finances together.

Darragon · 02/08/2025 17:27

Sounds like he's fed up of subbing you after you've spent all your own money with no further context tbh.

CountryQueen · 02/08/2025 17:27

Sounds like he’s being arsey about you going out.

Original poster
Cuppatealover · 02/08/2025 17:27

We usually do split costs and yes we do live together. I just thought it was a brash response and selfish as it came across as he's going to get it either way and what? Just let me sit there with no food lol just weird imo

OP posts:
Changingnames2002 · 02/08/2025 17:26

Fair enough to say “I fancy an Indian whether you want the same or not that’s fine” but to imply you can’t afford it, yes that would upset me.

Mrsttcno1 · 02/08/2025 17:26

Not enough info here, as others have said.

It’s not automatically an arsehole response.

MissIonX · 02/08/2025 17:25

Well it depends. Do you share finances or are they separate? Have you been oit/going out and can yoi afford it?

IMHO it may just have been a clumsy attempt to say he wants Indian regardless of whether you can afford to do that or not.

SeagullFreeZone · 02/08/2025 17:25

Yeah - more info needed

LegalllyBrunette · 02/08/2025 17:24

Do you live together?

What do you usually do about takeaways - do you share the cost or get your own?

ninjahamster · 02/08/2025 17:23

Well it depends. Do you live together? Do you split takeaway costs usually?

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