To stop letting my friend’s child come over because he eats so much?

Then buy the nice one for you and a bag of the shops own brand for kids/friends

i actually like Aldi essentials pasta which is maybe 45p a bag

@GazerJame does your son ever go round

do you give large /small portions yourself

my friend gives massive portions to her kids and then mine if there for tea and I remove half as she just won’t eat it all

@GazerJame it’s fine to give one snack after school then tea

agree that snacks may now be one apple/chopped carrot /cucumber or even toast

what snacks do you offer ? If biscuits /cakes etc then Not surprised he wants more. So say no more after one nice snack and rice cakes /fruit/toast after

I couldn’t not feed them unless you really can’t afford to feed yourselves also

Ditch the pre packed snacked as more expensive. I would do something like toast/ crumpets/ cheese toasties, with chopped cheaper fruits like apples and carrots or bananas.

I make scones a lot for filling snack. Cheese or plain

If you can afford it keep feeding the boy until you know his home circumstances. There are a lot of kids going hungry out there. I know that's not your responsibility.
He could just be being greedy but I personally would just feed him.

I mean, of course he seems like he's not eaten since lunch. He literally hasn't eaten since lunch. It's only 3pm, that's ok.

Is he overweight? I.e. does he actually need feeding or is he just overeating?

I'd say if he's overweight, just say no. 'We don't snack in this house, the next meal is dinner'.

If he's normal weight, I'd ask his parents to send a snack with him. 'He's often very hungry after school, is he eating his school lunch?'

Either way, whatever is going on with his appetite/eating habits, it's not your beef. Get the parents to feed him, your job is to host the play.

One idea would be to put all of the pasta in a bowl on the table, plate up a portion for them and say if they want seconds then they can take some from the bowl but once the bowl is empty that’s it. I’d then bring out some pudding and say that this is the pudding but once it’s gone that’s it.

I would also consider gently telling his mum how much he is eating. He’s not necessarily being neglected but this sounds like a very large appetite for a 7 year old. You could frame it that you don’t want to give him three portions if she’s not ok with it, frame it more as “is it ok if I give him 3 portions if he asks for it because he always asks for it” and see what her reaction is.

@Han86

OP described him as a sweet boy, so I think you can use he/him without fear of offending.

“Pasta is pretty much free” 🤣🤣🤣 quote of the thread, how utterly ridiculous.

It is not the OP’s responsibility to feed this child and food IS expensive. Pasta or no pasta.

How well do you know the mum to ask about them always being hungry?
There could be many reasons for them asking, 1. They know you will give it to them (from past experience) 2. They don't get much to eat at home so are genuinely hungry 3. They aren't allowed snacks at home or the type of food you offer them so are seizing the opportunity to indulge in it 4. I work as a MTA and many children throw their lunch in the bin. Assuming you are in England I am guessing at 7 years old they will be getting a free school dinner as it is universal for all. I think a lot of parents believe their children are getting a nice hot dinner, not realising they aren't eating it. In our school the children don't even seem to like the bread rolls so even choosing a plain ham roll often gets thrown away, and while if you were offering this to your own child it would probably come with crisps or a yogurt, the school option is only to add salad from the salad bar which most don't, and then the pudding. So some children might only be eating a slice of watermelon and picking at a bit of bread for lunch. (Before anyone asks, children I spot frequently throwing away their food I do mention to the teacher to follow up, however if the parent still continues to order them that food then all we can do is monitor and try to encourage). The ones who get packed lunch eat better as it's food they like, so if the family aren't entitled to free school meals next school year and he starts taking a packed lunch rather than paying, maybe he won't be quite so hungry after school.

Why are you having them so frequently after school? Wondering if this is also a convenient arrangement if mum is struggling financially in that she isn't having to pay for after school childcare or a meal.
Does she ever have your son play at hers? Can you ask him what he has to eat there?

But hasn't he come from school? If its weeknights? So is he not eating at school? I would ask the parents. I would want to know if my child was eating or not eating tbh.

He's at op's house so often she'd be better off just moving them permanently rather than shunting them to and fro multiple times a week!

I think children are pretty good at knowing when they are full or not, especially when the food on offer is proper food and not junk. So I would assume he is going hungry, rather than being greedy. I couldn’t let a child go hungry. If on a tight budget, I would just make sure what I offered was inexpensive (carrots or toast as snacks for example).

@GazerJame how does the child appear, physically?
Underweight, overweight, average?
Does he look healthy? How do his skin and teeth appear?
Is he usually clean - clothes, hair, finger nails?
These things could give clues about his diet and home life.

Do you know his family? Anything about his home life?
Since the boys are only 7 you must have communication going with his parents/guardians. Who drops him & picks him up?

ETA in you thread title you call him your friend's child, but in your post you say he's your son's friend. Do you know his parents?

The school will not be able to tell you anything; huge breach of confidentiality! However, you could make the teacher aware that you've noticed the child is unusually hungry after school - if they are aware of an issue then this might help to build a fuller picture...

Plenty of kids of ravenous right after school and need almost a full meal. If he is coming directly from school, this isn’t in his control. Either plan a filling snack or ask his mother to pack something.

you can easily solve the tea issue by ending the play date before serving your evening meal.

Can't you just dish up pasta on their plates and when they've finished say there isn't any more? If the child is still hungry, then give him some toast or something else cheap to fill him up?

You could put the snacks elsewhere when the child is round and say you've run out so he doesn't continually raid those.

DS (6) is always ravenous after school. He eats the same size portion of overnight oats/porridge as me for breakfast, with a whole banana, nut butter and full fat milk in it with some berries etc, school lunch, after school club sandwich and fruit then a proper dinner when he gets home. He's right at the bottom end for weight for his age and height (he is tall) I let him eat what he wants as we don't really have junk food in the house and he always eats his meals, he's also really good at stopping and saying I'm full now even when it's diverging he really likes which I think is a healthy approach to food. He has a couple of friends the same (always boys and slim) he has other friends who seem to barely eat but their parents say this is their normal.

I would never begrudge a child some extra pasta, fruit , yogurt, cheese on toast etc. NHS guidelines say a 7-10 year old boys need around 1900 calories a day and I've seen how tiny school lunches are, there are also a lot of children who just have cereal for breakfast which isn't very calorie dense. A piece of fruit and a cereal bar also isn't a great snack tbh.

What is your child given to eat when he goes to his friend's house?

I wondered the same too. My only DC has always had a small appetite so I'm not used to the amount some kids eat!

Is he underweight? If so, I would mention the fact that he is so hungry to the school.

Otherwise I would serve toast (ideally wholemeal) with peanut butter and/or jam. Cheap and nutritious.

Just a thought, but do you ever speak to the parent(s)? Could help in this context.

I’d be hiding the cereal bars / packaged snacks (which aren’t filling at all and are expensive) and give him something like a peanut butter sandwich and chunk of cheese, and an apple plus glass of milk. Something properly filling but cheap.

I’ll always feed a hungry person in my home.

My DD has a friend like this. We do still have her round, but only for an hour after school and I keep it to nights that DD has a club to go to and I say we're having a late tea. She still eats ++++ snacks but it isn't such an issue when it isn't full meals.
I got burned the first time we had her round - usually at home we have a dish in the centre and serve ourselves. I had intended to eat with them, had to go change the baby's nappy and when I came back she'd eaten 6 slices of a large pizza.

Which is why lots of people are saying don't give him limitless snacks, give him extra bread or pasta.

My sons have vastly different appetites so I can fully understand that a boy might eat this much . The older one has always had adult sized portions - he’s well above average height but not at all fat . I think you just need to hide the snacks you can’t afford to share and offer cheap options . Make an extra portion of pasta it will cost pennies but when it’s gone it’s gone

edited to add that people do have different appetites as adults too - I have a petite friend that would class half a jacket potato or half a pizza as an adequate meal - but for me who is not far off 6ft it’s woeful… some one has mentioned a child eating 6 slices of pizza - to me that’s totally expected - I’d allow a pizza per person and freeze any left over

Next time he is due to visit text his dm to send a picnic as you are going to eat in the park today...

Can you explain your comment in the light of the fact that OP clearly states that she feeds him? I'd really like to know your reasoning here.