To stop letting my friend’s child come over because he eats so much?

I wouldn’t be cooking separate things to fill him or anything, but if you’re already cooking I would happily add more of the pasta or rice or potatoes or whatever. It costs pennies, only involves adding more to the pan or oven of what you’re already cooking and is not much of an inconvenience at all. I’d basically double what you’d normally cook of the carb, let him eat as much as he wants extra and then when it’s gone tell him you have no more.

That way you’re feeding the hungry child but not really having to do much extra. I’d say no to cake and only give him a single portion of whatever dessert you were already doing if any.

As far as the snacks, it really sounds like you’re giving more exciting snacks than his parents do. Giving away lots of extra snacks like cereal bars to another child would end up costing quite a bit extra in shopping so I’d stop that.

For snacks, I’d make a plate up of snacks for the boys with whatever amount seems reasonable and when it’s gone it’s gone.

If he asks for anything else I’d just say “sorry we have nothing else so you will have to ask your mum to get you something when you get home”. If he says anything concerning in response to that then of course you’ll just have to report it like you would any other concern.

I get the loaf of bread suggestions but I’m not sure I would want a 7 year old who isn’t even my child who had eaten snacks, several servings of dinner and dessert to just be allowed to gorge himself on a loaf of bread. At 7, would you have to keep toasting/buttering it for him? It feels like a concerning level of over eating at that point and I’m not sure I’d want to just go along with it as if it’s normal.

Having some slices of bread with dinner is fine but he really shouldn’t need all of that extra.

If it’s a safeguarding issue and he’s not being fed properly then all you can do is report anything concerning to the school but you’re already doing more than your share to help with the meal and snacks twice a week.

If he has bad eating habits and is eating past being full then I worry it could almost become a weird secret habit where he goes to your house and binges.

If your snacks are so exciting that he is skipping lunch and arriving starving on the days he’s coming to you then hopefully he will learn to stop that when the snacks become less exciting.

If it’s a medical thing like worms or diabetes then it needs sorting rather than just keeping on feeding him so perhaps it would be worth mentioning how hungry he is to his mum.

Eat bread and jam, by all means, but don't go calling it "dessert" 😄

I'd love to see it on a dessert menu.

Did anyone else have "afters" as a kid, or was that just our house?

Can you speak to his mom? Maybe the boy has a huge appetite but the mom controls the food at home for his own health/to keep a healthy weight.

I don't think it's good he gets so much food at your house.

Make sure he’s not hungry, but a offer normal amount of snack and dinner, then be filled up on plain bread or toast spread with butter.

A common misconception, Google AI says, unless the kid has a tapeworm, which is unlikely. You're confusing children with pets perhaps.

If you can afford it, why not

My mates has so many interesting snacks at her house as her dc are very good at self limiting. My dc not so much, they would go wild with her snacks so iv said to her limit them to 1

He always turns up starving, eats really quickly and doesn’t seem to have had anything since lunch.

Does he go home after school and then to yours or does he go to your house straight from school?

Just reign it back.

Offer a snack when they get in - carrot sticks are cheap

Dinner - stick to pasta and sauce again cheap

Don't be afraid to say 'no sweetie thats all the snacks im doing'. Your the adult and they are the child.

Yes me too, there was an edge of early series Professor McGonigle in there (before she warmed up).

"My DS (7) has a friend from school who comes over a couple of times a week after school.".

It's the middle of the school summer holidays - how is he coming over after school?

Is this 7-year old just popping round by himself, no parents involved? Do they know where he is, or is it normal in your area for 7-year olds to arrange playdates and make their own dinner plans without their parents?

I would expect some contact between the parents at this stage/age - get his mum's phone number and contact her to say: "Hi, your DS is here and would like to stay for tea - we are having xyzzy, can he stay?" OR "Hi, your DS popped around but we have plans from 5pm, can you please come and pick him up?"

If the 7-year olds are meeting up totally independently, without parents being in the loop, I would stick to snacks - it's strange to be feeding other people's kids full meals without the parents being in the loop. I mean imagine your DS (7) coming home and you ask him to sit down for dinner, and he replies: "No thanks, mum, I had dinner at Alfie's today, see ya later, I'm off for pudding at Toby's now." Surely that doesn't really seem conceivable at age 7, does it?

what a ridiculous over-reaction

I would be soooo upset if my child was being given so much excess food like this. I had no idea a parent could be this way with a child?! It sounds so unhealthy and building terrible habits so I wouldn’t want my child visiting anymore! I’m so surprised you haven’t said ‘no’ to this amount of overeating! I would say ‘Ask your parents if you’re allowed to have second and thirds of pasta/whatever and tell them to let me know.’

I bet he isn't allowed snacks at home , or you have a nicer variety so he's asking for yours

Give boundaries
Only a piece of toast or a banana before dinner.
Dinner ..make it filling , pasta is great no seconds

Around that age, mine needed a modest "tea" after school to tide them over until dinner and it was easier to do something like toast with eggs or beans than to provide a sucession of small snacks that didn't actually fill them.

I had to take DS1 off school dinners in y6 and sent him with flasks of food as the portion size was the same for all year groups. It didn't touch the sides and he was approaching the cusp of being underweight. Being ravenous after school can be about what the school offers or what the child will sit long enough to eat rather than a deeper parenting issue.

You still haven't said what yours is eating when he's visiting his friend?

As a PP said could it be that your portions are small? I have realised that mine are on the small side.

My DC were starving after school especially if they had a friend over-school dinners are tiny.

Maybe your food is different to what they have at home so they want more?

If you can afford it I would stock up on cheap snacks.

Tell the mom to send the kid with snacks packed lunch etc

Yes just say no to snacks if you're feeding them a meal as well. Unless they're there all day they shouldn't need a meal plus three snacks. Even if it's 3-7, give them a snack when they come in (fruit or a slide or toast) and then give them dinner at the usual time. If you don't usually give your Dc that many snacks just say no, I did it as a one off before but we don't have snacks before dinner or we only have one snack and then you'll have dinner. In terms of seconds, depending on what it is, it can't really hurt to give him a bit of extra pasta or potatoes or bread can it? It doesn't have to be full seconds or an extra portion of chicken or whatever.

If he doesn't get enough at home that's very sad.

Bananas cost about .15 each, and you can get a large bag of white pasta quite cheaply, make a red sauce for .59 and maybe sliced bread and jam for dessert.

Garden full of birds, hedgehogs, cats, and dogs.

But none of them are getting three snacks, three bowls of pasta and then demanding cake several times a week, no.

I'm with posters who would offer a toast after school. My DS was always starving after school, always, and that was after having either a school lunch or packed lunch.

In your shoes I would offer one snack after he has eaten a toast. I would tell him snacks aren't very healthy and I also wouldn't be feeding him dinners. I would send him home before the dinner time. Does his mum realise he has dinners at your place when he comes after school? Does she pick him up?

If you struggle to set boundaries with him, you can stop weekday playdates all together. Just say your DS needs to do his homework and help with something at home.

If his mum works a lot, she may be using those play dates as free afterschool care.

I don’t get this post. Just say no instead of banning more play dates

Just say no to more food. I don't think cutting visits is necessary.

Could it be a worming issue? Many kids that age can suffer from worms which will make them ravenous.