To stop letting my friend’s child come over because he eats so much?

You just need to start saying no.

''Sorry, we don't have more pasta''
''No, we aren't having multiple snacks today''

etc

He's probably just greedy rather than hungry and taking advantage of you giving him whatever he demands.

Oh I would feel too sad to not do it to be honest. There is clearly a reason he is so hungry.

Personally I would keep a couple of cheap bags of pasta in the cupboard or some bread and jam and say there's no more dinner but I can make you some toast.

I know costs are tight, and the child isn't your responsibility, but at that age denying a child food when they are asking for more can lead to certain eating disorders. I should know - my family were very much thats all there is and thats that... and I went through some things as a teen. It was only as a an adult my attitude to food became healthy again.

I know its not your child but to deny a child who's hungry food seems quite sad to me - my child or not...

Either that or you have to straight up talk to his mum about it and ask she sends some extra snacks with him.. I think not allowing him over is very extreme

Either his parents aren’t meeting his needs, or he has an eating disorder.
Why are you cooking so much?
Kids don’t need snacks if they are eating properly at meal times and it causes damage to their teeth.

What happens when you child goes over to theirs? Pleanty of food? If they come over twice a week I am assuming you are pals with the Mother? Whats your experince with her? You know her well enough.

One of my DC (7) has a friend like this, she’s always starving when she comes round, she’s very sweet but eats my cupboards empty. We’ve learned she has a difficult home situation and they are often quite stretched so I just feed her whatever she wants (home cooked meals, healthy snacks, fruit, cheese). I wouldn’t want to deny a hungry child.

Agree with this. Also we don’t know what’s going on at home- might not be neglect just simply tight finances so where you’ve shown generosity he naturally takes advantage of it.

When I was a kid things were really tight- while I wouldn’t demand food and snacks at other people’s houses, I certainly would take advantage of whatever was offered such as seconds, thirds as I wouldn’t know when the next time I could eat until I was full would occur. It wasn’t bad manners just scarcity mindset.

Just to offer a slightly different point of view, DS used to have a friend around this regularly and he often stayed for tea. He wasn’t hungry but his Mum didn’t cook and he lived off takeaways and convenience food.

He always really appreciated staying for tea and would walk through the kitchen and talk to me about what I was cooking.

He’s in his early twenties now and a chef

This.

All of these suggestions telling OP how to fill him up with roly-poly and cheap pasta are wild.

OP is getting fed up with his demands for more food. Time for a word with his family.
It's not her kid. It's not her responsibility to fill him up.

Maybe his parents are always saying no to snacks and second courses, you indulged him on the first date and he is now just in awe od being able to get any snacks and second courses that he wants.
If there isnt signs of neglect, ai would actually chat to the mum and mention that you ahve been giving him snacks but he keeos wanting more and havign second and third courses of dinner. That you want to check with her about it as it seems a lot.
If I were the parent I would then say, oh no, thats too much, just tell him no extra snacks or second courses and that I will tell my child not to ask.
If they seem pretty decent then I dont see why you cant have that conversation. But in a more tentative way, not just, your child is greedy and eating me out of house and home more, is this normal for them type of thing

Im a feeder so it wouldn't worry me at all to cook a larger portion of pasta with tomato sauce or big baked potato with beans and for him to have seconds.

Sainsburys do an own brand hidden veg pasta sauce 500g for 69p and a bag of basic pasta for 65p. Frozen peas to add protein are cheap and easy too.

I think these ideas for meals are great suggestions from other Mums here and toast and jam costs very little too as a snack.

Can't us Mums/ Grandparent's show a bit of kindness and generosity to an obviously very hungry child. I cant believe some of the harsh comments here. Hes just a child and very polite at that.

It wouldn't happen in other cultures such as Italy you would be fed till you popped as a visitor!

Some kids have higher metabolism and maybe food is scarce at home.

If however he was showing signs of obesity or poor health i would be seeking out his parents and gently explaining the situation with kindness of course.

If you are struggling financially or just dont feel comfortable with him coming so frequently reduce it down to once a week.

The OP isn’t inviting you round for dinner though is she?

Also do you cook quite nice meals? I cook at home.... Nothing fancy but from scratch, hearty meals - lasagne, cottage pie, roast dinners, fresh curries, chilli. I had a kid eat loads and ask for more every time he came. One time i was invited in for a drink at his when picking up DS.... and then i understood. His parents were crap at cooking and at home he was given small portions of pretty grim looking food out of packets. Poor kid wanted to fill up at mine. I would have too.

I don’t object to a pudding, just not every night. If the DC had friends for a play date I would offer pudding but not for 3 nights a week/weird childcare expectation.

Three times a week? Are you minding him for mum?

If it’s just a play date I would say yes to dinner once a week but no more.
Toast and PB, cereal etc after school if too hungry for the one snack offered. We don’t have pudding every night, I would offer the boy a yogurt or a piece of fruit.

Oh and i will be the rare one to say - give a pudding!!

Big bowl of cheap rice pudding (make it with very little sugar), or a jam roly poly (again lots of recipes have no sugar added), fruit crumbles with custard. Kids this age need calories and a homemade pudding can provide dairy, egg, fruit and carbohydrate.

My son had one of these friends, it got infuriating by the end.
He wasn't even there to play anymore, just asked me over and over when he will be eating.
Even if I told him very firm to get out of the kitchen and go and play, food will be half an hour...he would be back 3 minutes later with a creepy smile rubbing his hands together.
I wasn't even polite by the end, just told him to stop asking or he would get nothing. I don't mind feeding a polite, grateful kid but not an ignorant, expectant kid.

Offer cheap, plain unpalatable food to fill him up:

• potatoes. Loads of them, and root veg generally. Its bulky, cheap and filling.

Some 8 year old boys do need big portions though. Mine is thin as a rake and eats massive amounts, god knows where he puts it.

I do think you need to just say no to snacks/seconds though. Some boys this age would just eat continuously given half a chance, primarily due to boredom.

If it was me I’d buy some cheap bulky food it’s probably a growth spurt, I can’t help but feel like hungry children should have the option to eat

HNFT but have you spoken to this child’s Mother.?!
Does your child go there to play ?!
Does the child look healthy?!

Serve water with the meal, he might be confusing thirst with hunger. A large glass of water will both rehydrate him and trick his stomach into feeling fuller. Don’t offer a sweet pudding. Say he can have a piece of fruit or a cracker with cheese.

I've just realised you say he comes twice a week? That's not a playdate, that's childcare.

Is he tall? One of my ds (4) is very tall and slim but requires much more food than my other ds and peers his age. However he’s also very energetic and burns it off quick. Many days he eats more than me! Fish fingers and beans would not fill him up if there wasn’t some form of potato/rice on the side too.

Maybe offer him toast after dinner. Cheap and filling. It is rude he’s asking. I remember having a large appetite at the same age but was taught not to ask for food when at friends houses!

This

OP, how many times per week? Furthermore, if he is at yours for a play date why are you feeding him a full dinner plus extras? Send him home for dinner.

If your son enjoys the company, I'd just go for cheap food and plenty of it.

One snack before tea, then "sorry, there's no more snacks, but tea will only be 20 mins". And then pasta/jacket potatoes/beans on toast etc. Extra toast if still hungry.

I know this is something that deeply divides MN, but I never do pudding, for my own kids or for guests 🤷‍♀️