To stop letting my friend’s child come over because he eats so much?

This could be my child. He has no off switch and just eats and eats ( he is over weight) . I actually always discuss this with anyone who looks after him and say once he has eaten an adequate amount please don’t give more.

so this child may view your house as one where the rules are different and you can eat and eat and may not realise it’s an issue. You need to explain the rules in your house. They can’t mind read .

Poor kid, id wonder if they are being fed at home. Why not make/buy flap jack. Its very filling

Ahh you sound very kind OP.Just to start do you think he may have worms? Itchy bot ,starving all the time .I appreciate this is difficult to bring up with Mum though! Does your DS go there at all.I think I would see if you can bring down the visits to yours to maybe once a week or something .Does your DS have other friends he can see.Its never great to just limit to one friend only.

My daughter is tiny and burns through food so fast. I was the same and remember coming home for lunch feeling faint with hunger - the same at teatime. I wish I still had that sort of metabolism.
Kids need good protein but if cash is short then
I would just have inexpensive food in. I'm sure last time I was in lidl I got a large bag of pasta for about 45p.
Popcorn as a snack - you can get a large bag of corn and it will last ages.
We used to have regular gathering in our house with about ten kids and a huge bowl of pasta and some pesto and a huge bowl of freshly popped popcorn put out to help themselves was always a staple.

If you're worried about overfeeding, have a chat with his mum about what her rules are?

Stop the cereal bars - and fruit if too costly

and once home from school a cheese spread /ham /jam sandwich

is he a large boy @GazerJame

Really? The OP is helping and is feeding this child. I mentioned nothing about the school or council being responsible for the child. I work in a community hub and wish I could save all of the children and families that come through my door but you learn pretty quickly in this type of environment that you can't save everyone all of the time. The OP is being generous and kind but quite rightly has concerns about this situation for several reasons.

Ultimately though, this child is the responsibility of their parent/s.

Have you spoken to the parent? My DD would probably have been like that at his age. Not because she wasn't fed but because she had no 'off' switch. Didn't recognise when she was full ( unlike her brother who has always eaten until he is full and then stopped). It impacted her weight. Now as a teenager she has learnt to stop eating when she has had enough but it took a while. The kids parent may be grateful you are feeding him, but may be annoyed. I would have to tell other parents not to feed my DD too much. Just give her a normal portion and then offer water or carrot sticks or something.

I'd talk to your kids. Just conversationally, when the other child isn't there, "Gosh, Tommy is always SO hungry. Does he eat a big lunch, too?" It's possible he's having woefully inadequate packed lunches, or simply not being sent with anything (It does happen, and kids can feel ashamed and hide it). If they reply "Oh no, he has school lunch, and the dinner ladies always give him extra" then he just has a big appetite. What does he look like, skinny or on the normal to plump side? If the latter, he could just be greedy, and mum is trying to limit him to healthy stuff at home. Or maybe your food is different to theirs, and he prefers it. My MIL was a dreadful cook, and as children my husband and his brother loved eating away from home, because the food was so much better! So many scenarios here. Personally I'd just feed him, but not snacky stuff like chocolate biscuits or crisps, just toast and cheap jam as has been suggested, extra pasta/mash, make one dessert, and tell him there's no more once it's gone. Can you chat to mum, and say something like "Gosh, can't believe how much my kids eat, they must run around all break time." or something along those lines and see how the conversation goes.

of course if you can’t afford it that’s a problem
OP has already been clear she can afford it, it's just her priority is working out how not to feed him (without saying no) rather than working how to feed him.

Example cheap filling meals that cost similar to the roughly £2 pack of cereal bars and fruit OP is rolling out daily across this kid plus her own 3, before even the dinner she resents adding portions to:

• 4 jacket potatoes, 4 tins of beans, butter
• 500g pasta, tin of tomatoes, little bit of extra veg and flavouring
• Loaf of bread, small peanut butter, butter
• Pack of wraps, packet of refried beans
• 500g rice, mixed veg and flavouring
• Pack of eggs, onion, broccoli and carrot chopped up small

Dropping snack for early dinner one day but providing a cheap plentiful option would let her double up portions easily. Given she is still feeding her own 3 kids, adding a packet of mince or quorn, cheese or extra veg into any of those stretched out cheap options would be unlikely to be more than she is spending anyway.

I think it’s important to know what the issue is. I would hope to always be in the position to feed a hungry child, but of course if you can’t afford it that’s a problem. If it’s more the frustration of it all then I think it’s important to find out if there’s a problem at home. And that’s when it’s helpful to think about super cheap filling food. If he’s genuinely hungry and a good friend then surely you just get a loaf of bread and make him as much toast as he wants. If he’s just a bit overexcited about the fun snacks I’d just put those away and see what happens.

We have loads of snacks available and have had to put some restrictions around it as children in my home who aren’t used to self regulating can struggle. But a child asking for extra helpings of actual meals must be hungry and I’d be more worried than frustrated.

My daughter has a massive appetite- she’s an athlete and just eats all day. She never gets enough food at friends houses and would never ask for more so she always brings a bunch of food with her - protein bars and such. She eats double portions at home and often an extra egg or peanut butter toast or something. Just how she’s made. So if she was more self confident she’d likely be this child without meaning to be rude at all.

If he’s hungry, feed the poor lad. Get some cheaper filling food in if you need to.

This is what I was thinking.

Cut back the snacks; snack foods are an expensive way to fill children.

Pasta, toast, mashed potato. Give him one snack, one wholesome meal (if that is really needed?) and after that say "well there's leftover pasta/potato or you can have toast."

Just limit the types of food available. Even a bag of apples isn't that much and he won't eat more than two or three.

If you want to stretch the food, maybe get some veg from the market on the days he comes then you get a bowl of veg for £1 plus some pasta will keep the meal for everyone under £2.50

Just a bit of pasta and sweetcorn it doesn’t have to big a big penny meal.

each kid gets a snack bowl for the day and unlimited carrots sticks etc.

when the snack bowl is done carrot sticks / celery sticks only.

maybe do him an adults portion for dinner rather than a small kids bowl. Then no seconds

1. It doesn't cost that much to add a bit and stretch a meal and it need not be anything very sophisticated.
2. Op can be unavailable sometimes but it's nice for her son to feel that his parents are hospitable and keep open house. It has often struck me that the poorer people are better at that than the well off.

Me too.

I agree. I would be lovely if

1. Op could easily afford it
2. She wouldn't be taken for granted

I used to love it when I had kids round the table enjoying the food I'd made,happy days.

Has OP addressed her portion sizes yet? What's a bowl? My DNs don't have very big appetites and both eat from those little plastic bowls you get from the supermarket often with a Disney character on them, they might eat half of that. That wouldn't be enough for DS who is the same age as younger DN , luckily DB and SIL are aware that different children have different appetites and give him what he wants. We usually serve family style so everyone can have as much or little as they need.

I’d just say no, we don’t snack in between meals here / no, we don’t have a pudding with every meal here etc. Although he’s a child, he does have to learn the politeness of not requesting food as a guest.

This attitude is so prevalent on here and it's just down right sad. Not their responsibility, why should they, dont put yourself out, let council do it, school do it, teacher do it, bla bla bla. Not every thing is about who exactly has responsibility, somethings are just about doing something to help or make things a bit better because you can. A hungry 7 year old. Feed them if you are in a position to do it. If you really can not, then tell them or make sure they are not there for meals.

You say you don't mind, but you really do, don't you.

Oooh, we're playing this game..... 🤔

Were they super healthy clean vegans?!

Please don't tell us to think - just give us the facts.

There's nothing wrong with saying no, there has to be a limit or should he just be allowed to eat OP out of house and home? It isn't unkind to not allow a child to eat 3 bowls of pasta or say no when asking for more and more snacks.