To stop letting my friend’s child come over because he eats so much?

I’d be worried he's not being fed enough at home and being underfed at lunch. Does he get breakfast at home or school, free school meals or packed lunches?

I’d be discreetly raising it with the class teacher. Then for snacks get in a bag of British apples (cheap) and a packet of custard cream biscuits or similar (also cheap) then you won’t be as affected so much financially. But you also don’t have to do this if you’re uncomfortable.

But I’d want to know more about what was going on in his own home.

My thought would be that he is very hungry and there may be issues at home.

From what you have said, he is having fruit, crackers etc so it is not that he just wants to eat all the junk food.

I can understand it is not your duty to feed this child, however, I would.

Maybe you could:

Put a snack box out filled with a few each and let the boys know when this is gone, it is gone and they are not to ask for anymore.

Make extra pasta or cheaper carbs when making tea or bulk meals with frozen veg so he can have extra.

Plain cereal or bread and butter if they ask for more. When my DD (age 8) asks for more food (usually a delay tactic for bed) I offer the plainest option, and if she takes it, I know she is actually hungry. You certainly do not have to offer cake, or only cake on one day of the week. EG. Friday is cake day.

7 year olds can eat a lot! As he is being polite and well mannered in every other way, I would assume he feels comfortable and safe with you to ask for food.

Kids who don't get enough to eat can eat very quickly and I would worry he is stocking up with you, if he is ensure when he will next get fed.

Have you ever mentioned food and meals to mum? It may be the case that she doesn't realise how much he is eating and sends him over with snack supplies?

Has your boy ever been to their house?

Depending on their year group, they may not get Free School Meals anymore. Also, the portions are not great.

If you are concerns something else is a miss, you can ask the school for advise. They may be able to put more support in for the family if needed.

It may be that he is a particularly hungry child (I am loath to say greedy) but I would also carry on the arrangement, just in case.

@GazerJame have you not communicated with the mum regarding the child being allowed snacks at yours if he is going home for dinner . Or asking what he’s allowed to eat ?
If mention to the mum tbh.
maybe she is trying to control his eating. Is he an over weight child or does he look healthy ?

Maybe your portions are small? My kids have huge appetites, saying that they don't go to friends homes often, my boy has a couple of friends that he visits and we host them too in return, maybe 3-4 times during the holidays and about one a month during school time. He eats a lot but I always say not to ask for food if not offered. My daughter has 3 friends that come here at least once a week, sometimes twice, so I just have cheap and cheerful food like pasta, sausage rolls, chips, tuna, hot dogs, and my daughter knows they are free to have any of those food items. I decided this was the best approach, as the visits are unplanned, and I buy my food quantities to cook all my dinners for 4, so I don't want to mess with that. This way I make sure there is extra food they can feed themselves with and without costing too much.

Can’t you make the snack toast or something? It costs very little if you use cheap bread. Don’t roll out the expensive snacks for him - toast, bourbon biscuits and pasta for tea 😂

Why should op buy cheap food just to feed someone else's child, what about her own children, maybe they don't want cheap biscuits, pasta and beans on toast. You need to speak to his mum, find out what's going on at home, is mum there after school, what does she give him for tea, this could continue indefinitely until he's in his teens when op own children have new friends and don't want him to come over all the time.

I’d just let him fill up with cheap snacks and be clear what you put out is all there is. Things like cream crackers and breadsticks are super cheap, big budget bag of apples from Lidl. Pasta teas also super cheap with a basic sauce and savers brand garlic bread. Are your portions tiny? My dc eat massive amounts of pasta and when I see others portions I’m often a bit surprised how little they eat. Sounds like your dc gets a lot out of the play dates and the lad sounds hungry

If it’s generally a positive friendship for your son I’d be trying to keep the play dates going but more cheaply. You need to start saying no. And buy cheaper snacks. Make a rule of only one snack, and then second or pudding but not both. Or whatever works for you.

Oh good point, yes, cheap protection if you can, and maybe some sneaky worming treatment too!! 😂

I have 3 children and I think many children are hungry after school.
When he’s at yours , I’d give a substantial after school snack like a peanut butter and banana sandwich and a drink of plain milk ( assuming no allergies or intolerances ) then they have to wait till dinner .
I would definitely not give them crisps or cereal bars / snack bars / chocolate biscuits on the days he is at your home , as that would get expensive .
Give a reasonable dinner , say you have no leftovers but offer some fruit or plain yogurt something like that .
Then you’ll know if this child is genuinely hungry or chancing it for a lot of treats .
This doesn’t mean you can never have a few treats or cake when he’s there , just don’t make it the standard?

I appreciate there’s a lot of answers so far, so these points have probably been mentioned already.

I’d question how much he is being fed at home. Fill him up on cheap foods if you can, pasta etc., and it’s still ok to have a final boundary, even if you accept that you are going to help feed a hungry boy possibly in need. Maybe hope you’re not still feeding him when he’s in his teens!! 😳

Any whiffs of other neglect?

Maybe he's not being fed enough at home?

Everyone keeps saying it's nuts but op hasn't clarified what a "bowl" is. Some people feed 7 year olds in those kiddy plastic ikea bowls still. And if he's used to a normal adult bowl at home then that's a huge difference.

We need photos. One person's "huge meal" is another person's snack.

Also cheapest loaf of bread from supermarket (Asda value one) and freeze it. And same with smart price tub of jam. He can have an extra slice of toast and Jam - surely that's cheap? And his friendship is keeping son entertained and happy.

No need to feed him all the cereal bars/snack stuff. Just 1 thing of that maybe with fruit and that's it.

If consensus on pasta is its actually a decent sized portion. Then just 1 bowl of that.

Anything else is a slice or 2 of toast and jam.

And a "not right now I'm cleaning the kitchen now. Off you go and play " it's ok to say no to kids. (But caveat is that this is actually a normal bowl of pasta not a toddler bowl)

Id be worried for this 7 year old. It sounds as if he’s really hungry. Do you know his home situation? As the children are such good friends coukd you start chatting to his mum? I know his welfare is not your officially your problem but there may be a child welfare problem. So often people dont get involved and children are really suffering. Great advice about cheap pasta, toast, beans, jacket potatoes etc. Feed the kid basic food - he's great good mannered polite company for your son and this is worth a lot! If you become aware there's a home problem, talk to the school

A cake can be on the expensive side. A packet of biscuits can be 45 pence. Just give him a few biscuits when he asks for cake. And serve up less bowls of food. Surely he should have the same amount of food as your son has ? Just say that.

Is this a Y2 child and so having free school meals?
If so could you mention to his mum that he always seems absolutely ravenous after school eating several snacks and multiple servings of tea.
Could it be that he’s not eating his lunch? Some children are in such a rush to go out to play that they don’t eat it all.
Suggest she has a word with school to see what their view is.
If nothing else at least she will be aware of the situation, which might prompt a conversation with her child about the amount of food he’s eating at yours and why that is.

His mum needs to know and tp explain why he's so hungry and coming to you so often, at 7 he can tell you where his mum is and when he has tea.

Personally I would have thought about the home situation straight away.

Is it a real issue to let him eat seconds? A bit if extra pasta?

Maybe it bothers you as you wouldn't expect the same from your children (fair enough)but if they are a nice child and playdates are fun, just let it go maybe.

One of our dd friends eats like a horse and I just make sure I give her a bigger portion. Hardly costing a fortune for an extra bowl of pasta.

Well you can't just leave the poor boy hungry. You will have to tell his Mum to pack him some food if she wants him to go round. Tell her how hungry he is. You can't just leave him underfed now. You have a responsibility to find out what's going on.

I would flag it with the school. He might be asking for more food at school too and they might need to check if everything is ok at home.

But why is he coming over several times a week, that's not a normal play date situation.

My parents were Irish, when we had friends over they got fed, when my own kids were growing up and had pals over they got fed.

I realised when my kids had pals over that some families were not as lucky as mine, so it never really occurred to me not to feed one of their pals, or even to worry about one of them having seconds.

Sometimes you pay things forward.

@tempname1234

“Yes, you are being tight as you are saying it is getting expensive. You do mind or you wouldn't be here posting about it.“

she does mind, she has admitted that. She hasn’t got a bottomless supply of money to keep buying all this food. Not to mention she probs doesn’t want to spend all her spare time in the supermarket!!

This is a lot of responsibility three times a week. He’s not being child minded so why isn’t he in after school club ? The parent is getting free care for those days and it’s actually cost the op. I would cut it to one day to play and ask the mum what’s going on . Being kind I get but you need to be registered to mind children for a reason. It’s not just the money it’s the whole situation.

Is he actually being invited to yours for tea or just after school play, if she's your friend you need to tell her he's hungry and asking for food at yours, what does he eat at home, does he have school lunches.