To stop letting my friend’s child come over because he eats so much?

He may not eat lunch at school or is just very hungry.
Give him toast, piece of fruit and a drink of water and say that’s your snack. Dinner will be later. There are no more snacks. Go and play.

Have a quiet word with school to see if they are aware of any hunger issues. This was one of the key missed opportunities with several awful child protection cases and also schools nationally are reporting on children coming in to school very hungry due to the cost of living crisis.

I was going to saw the same. Offering a carrot or an apple also usually helps to sort out whether if not they’re genuinely hungry or just seeing what delights are in offer.

He’s 7. You can say no to him and not be perceived as rude. He’s a boy, he won’t think badly of you. If he’s hungry, give him toast and an apple. Don’t give him seconds if you don’t want to and if he’s still hungry, give him toast. (Unless you think he’s not fed at home. My DS had a friend from a large family and he was often hungry and ate everything unlike my picky (at the time) DC. I never begrudged him a dinner)

I would offer one snack (cheap snack) like toast when they come in. Then have tea on the go for an hour or so later. I would also cook a bulky cheap tea (something with rice/ pasta/ potato) and load the plate with mainly the rice/ pasta/ potato.

If they are coming straight from school starving are they having school lunch or pack up? At some schools, portions of school lunch are meager - especially as they get in the older year groups. I remember especially yr 4,5 and 6 often complaining they were still hungry after lunch as dinner ladies were stretching out portions and serving same size portions for yr 6 as reception. Equally pack up children were often hungry as their parents were stretched financially and not quite packing enough food. Some kids were rushing food to get out to play as quick as possible, others didn't really like the school dinner option so didn't eat all of it leading to them been very hungry at tea time.

Also, food availability at home and parent attitude to food makes a difference. I remember quite a few children who absolutely gorged on food when they were at school or out at other people's houses. One family were often referred to the food bank and were often hungry/ skipping meals and stretching everything they got, any food that wasn't plain pasta/ rice/ oats and had any flavour was absolutely devoured. Another child had a parent with very disordered eating and projected their eating issues onto how they fed their child (very small portions and frequently weighed them), again the child devoured all food when away from the parent. Another child had a chaotic background and often ate only crisps/ pot noodles/ grab and go that didn't need a lot of cooking and they could manage themselves. Any cooked meal was devoured and they often asked for seconds.

How many snacks do you usually feed your own child? And what is his portion size at dinner? Your household, your rules.

It's a 7yo boy, not an adult. If you say to him the next time he comes over, "Oh, just one snack from now on. Don't want you to spoil your dinner," then that's that. Then, if he stays on for the meal, you tell him that you don't have any left over for second helpings, end of story. You are the adult. "No pudding on week nights," is perfectly acceptable too. Or better yet, "Maybe your mum can give you some pudding when you go home."

You don't need to explain or justify this to a child this young in your own house regardless of how giving you were in the past..

I would have a major problem feeding this kid as much as you are. It's not about money, it's just that it is so much and it is happening every time he is there.

If it remains an issue after you have firmly but kindly just set the limits, then I would stop letting him come over. But first, just set the rules. He won't analyze them like an adult might, wondering why is this only being said now, etc. He's 7!

Don’t give out cereal bars or crisps or expensive fruit and yoghurts etc. just offer bread and butter or toast, filling but not a treat.

Completely inappropriate.
The child ideally is sent home before dinner.
You are letting bad habits prevail.

Both boys could eat a couple of Weetabix, an apple and a glass of MIlo straight after school. Any snack larger will spoil their dinner.

You need to gather your power and actually parent.State that the friend is only to come over one day per fortnight/week etc. and clarify the snack details and going home plan.

Pick up a bargain loaf and cheapie jar of peanut butter and a banana. This is a filling thing to eat after school. Make it a proper doorstep sandwich and see if it helps! A packet of supermarket own brand digestives can be very affordable too.

Yes, it's a tricky one. I found that she was not getting fed properly at home and so she was always quite needy. You probably need to limit this but also be kind. I know it made me quite angry and frustrated at times but just remember it isn't the child's fault.

If it's the cost, which is fair enough not everyone has endless amounts of funds, just buy very very cheap stuff and only have him round once or twice a week tops.

If you haven't actually said no, start being more firm.

I'd also have much less on offer. Eg toast with jam and apples, not more spendy things like cereal bars.

I have one kid that eats like a sparrow and one that eats like a hungry hungry hippo. Both within normal weights and both fed not neglected.

Also - does your child ever go there for tea?? If he's a nice kid I'd maybe be okay that the favour is never returned as it benefits your child to have a nice friend but I wouldn't want to be taken advantage of either.

I’m sorry there are no left overs for seconds today.
I’m sorry I didn’t get a chance to pick up a pudding today
I’m sorry I’ve only snacks but they are for lunches this week
I’m sorry I don’t have but you could have a piece of fruit?

I buy Dececco as this is the only brand I like which isn't particularly cheap.

Why is this kid at your house several times per week for dinner - do you have an arrangement? If not send him home when it's dinner time.

Going against the grain here but how big our your portion sizes small, normal size ? I only ask as my older teenage ds friend mums does not cook no where near enough food as hers have tiny appetites where my ds has a big appetite sadly he always comes home starving after being at theirs. E.g. 1 medium pizza divided between 5 and no sides .I assume she is so used to feeding kids who hardly eat so she is not used to it. Bless DS he is worried they can't afford food so never asks for more

As others have said limit what you give him and don't worry about saying no, I've said no to plenty primary school boys and none have been remotely upset

i agree about having a cheap loaf of bread and some jam. You can say snacks have changed and now it’s toast and 1 piece of fruit.

i lived with a foster family for a while who didn’t feed me properly so I paid myself for biscuits which kept me ticking over. Some extra calories make the difference at this age , but to offer toast is fine.

Pasta is pretty much free. Could you stock up on cheap crackers and apples then make extra pasta when he visits? It seems a shame to not encourage a friendship.

If you’re feeding them things like pasta and beans, it’s not going expensive to give the friend as much as he wants. If the cost is an issue, I’d just always have a couple of really cheap cakes I the cupboard that he can eat .

Ah your OP title says “ my friend’s child” but because you haven’t mentioned the other Mum, I’m guessing you meant to post “ my child’s friend”? Are you friendly with the boy’s Mum? Might be worth a casual chat with her.

I also find this surprising. I'd be appalled to have a 7 year old guest demanding food - awful manners.

Yes, you are being tight as you are saying it is getting expensive.

That's not being tight. Maybe the OP hasn't got unlimited funds to buy all this food.

Is he very slim or on the chunky side? I would say if he's a big lad it's likely just how things are at home and setting some rules would work, or asking his parents to send him with his own after school snacks

If he looks underweight I'd be concerned his food intake is limited at home and wouldn't want to restrict him and would probably let him have what he wants, but maybe get in some cheaper options, own brand snacks, make some flapjacks etc

Does your child go to his?

Yes, you are being tight as you are saying it is getting expensive. You do mind or you wouldn't be here posting about it.

you don’t really know what is going on with this child. Is he not being fed enough at home? If that is the case and you can feed a hungry child - why complain?

Is he doing a lot of sport at school and building up an appetite? so is arriving hungry? Does that make a difference? There is still an hungry child visiting you. Are they going through a growth spurt?

If you really don’t mind, are not being tight - why not just get in things that you can afford to give him in bulk? Brand - buy the cheaper brand for when he comes over. Fill him up with beans on toast or a jacket potato and brand with cheese on the days he visits. Same for pasta. Get cheaper brand for the day he visits.

bulk - fill him with bulky food as above or add rice cakes as snacks. Or rice pudding - cheap to make and fills them right up. Oat bars from whole oats - really heavy in the tummy, fills them up. Cheap to make.

my daughter had a friend like this, always at our house, always wanting food. It transpired that her mother had a long-standing ED and was very thin, and meted out terribly meagre food portions as if they were normal. Tremendously sad.