To stop letting my friend’s child come over because he eats so much?

I haven’t read every single one of the responses but if he’s coming over after school wouldn’t you expect him to be hungry? Have you agreed with his mum to do dinner? No matter how much food I send to school my kids are hungry afterwards. One kid eats a massive amount at dinner, I even get fed up with it, he’s polite if he goes for dinner at someone else’s house after school and doesn’t eat as much but that means I have to make him a second dinner or 3 slices of toast at home as well! I actually try and avoid him staying for dinner at someone else’s house because it’s easier to feed him with the rest of us than feed him again when he gets home from a play date. I would also find this a bit annoying to navigate with someone else’s child.

I couldn't help but read this post in a very clipped schoolmistress voice 😂

"The child ideally is sent home before dinner." - weird and hilarious 🤣

Decency pasta is about £2 for half a kilo. It’s not going to break the bank for most people and really isn’t posh pasta.

I wouldn't do loads of snacks but make some proper doorstep sandwiches when you come in and make sure the pasta is rich with plenty of protein. And just let them serve themselves. I wouldn't care about how much he ate. Either he is a big eater or he's not being fed properly, or he just really enjoys your food, or more than one of the above. Either way it doesn't need to be an expensive problem.

I remember throwing my lunch away when I was this age because I didn’t like what I’d been given and then being starving after school. It’s possible the mum has no idea.

It’s also possible he might not be eating what’s being offered at home if you’re giving him stuff that’s more like treats (cereal bars etc). I would do as others have suggested and just provide cheap toast. Then talk to the mum and find out how she finds him eating at home. If she’s offering him food and he’s never hungry she might have no idea what’s happening at your house.

3 plates of pasta plus pudding is nuts for a 7 year old.

Offer what you want to and say no to any further requests. I don’t make enough pasta for a single meal for anyone to be having thirds unless I’m planning leftovers for a second meal the next day.

Are your portions particularly small? Maybe he's just used to more pasta than what you're sharing, so asks for more. Or maybe it's habit, he is used to asking for more without thinking of he actually needs it.
If you're serving a normal sized portion, don't be afraid to say No more pasta left, everyone has had their fair share. If you're still hungry you can have a banana, but wait 5 minutes so your dinner has a chance to reach your tummy.

A cheap pack of bread with break the bank OP. I'd say bread and spread only if he's still hungry after tea

I’d offer cheap but filling things. Peanut butter on toast or crumpet as a snack with a banana. After dinner, if he is still hungry, I would offer pasta or toast.

It’s not tricky. You say “no”.

I can’t believe you’d stop the play dates because you can’t say no.

Aw, poor lad - how much can it cost you to feed him twice a week. Maybe he just has a big appetite, or your bowls of pasta are small!

Is he visibly overweight, looking like he has an eating disorder?

He always turns up starving, eats really quickly and doesn’t seem to have had anything since lunch.

If he's coming over twice a week after school, as you say he is, then most kids won't have eaten anything since lunch.

Well maybe don't feed waifs and strays with your fancy pasta. Get a £1 bag from Aldi and use that. Crackers and pasta are affordable unless she's on a severe budget.

Give him one big jam sandwich

He's asking for it because he will get it.
Asking is rude, and you are enabling him.

Would add that I have a taller than average 7yo who routinely comes home hungry from school because the portions aren't big enough for her. She's not overweight but is tall and just isn't given enough.

I agree with others - at the moment it's not clear on whether you're just giving really great snacks, or he's hungry because he's growing, or he's hungry because he isn't eating enough at school/home.

I'd get in a big bag of apples, bananas, carrots, popcorn, bread with butter/jam/cheese as snacks, and a basic pasta with sauce for dinners, and assess whether he's actually hungry without blowing your budget.

DD has friends like this, same age. Three boys. Absolutely no chance of neglect and they, despite being quite slight/slim can just eat and eat and eat, even if what is on offer isn't particularly interesting. I tend to do the above.

Christ! How big is the plate?! Or how small is the 15yr old?

I agree with serving toast, relatively cheap and no worse than crisps.

Offer buttered toast or a carrot as a snack - tell him you’ve run out of other snacks this week.

Regarding pudding just say “we don’t have pudding every day because it’s not healthy . You are welcome to have some bread and butter or a sliced apple if you are still hungry.”

Regarding the pasta - my son age 6 can eat and burn off a plateful as big as my 15 year old dd. I just make sure I serve less sauce and I put out a bowl of carrot sticks.

Crikey, how to heap the responsibility onto OP, where it doesn't belong!

All that thinking (growth spurt? Sports? History of neglect?)

Rice cakes. Jacket potatoes. Extra pasta. Brands/non brands (could you get the word brand in a couple more times?) Make oat bars. Cook rice pudding.

Nuts - this is not OP's child!

Just put the expensive snacks out of the way and have some very cheap ones on hand. And make cheaper dinners with extra bulk when he comes over. As PP have said, a few slices from a cheap loaf of bread with a bit of jam or an extra scoop of budget pasta is not going to break the bank. Worth it if he is a good friend to your child and otherwise nice to have around.

If you can afford it I'd suck it up, good friends are priceless

If the children like playing together, it would be a shame to stop him coming over. Does your DC still like him coming or is he getting bored / fed up of his company? If DC is bored of him, cut back the visits.
This is separate to the question of food.

You could speak to his mum about the food, but that would be embarrassing if she is genuinely struggling. On the other hand, she may just be a CF.

I would just offer lots of really cheap food, as others have said.
The worst thing would be if the boy is genuinely hungry and you are his lifeline, and you stopped feeding him.
If you suspect he is genuinely underfed at home, you should flag up a warning with the school.

Is he standard size?
Could you say he goes home to his house & snacks then come over.
Or send him home for his dinner.
Or Tell his mother he’s welcome at yours but you are not feeding him as he's a veritable locust

My eldest is like this, he is a bottomless pit. Hes really tall (6 ft 6 at 14!!) and he constantly needs to eat. I give him toast, not a treat but its filling.
cheap too!