DH should fund the house renovations even though we are separated

Sell the house, it will take much longer if you finish the refurbishment and DH shouldn’t have to fund it whilst presumably having to find somewhere else to live in the meantime.

Hes not your personal bank op want it done do it and pay for it your self.

Sounds like it would have minimal benefits for him so I wouldn't do it in his shoes.

It doesn’t make any sense for the STBexH to fund any of it as it is likely to lose him significant sums of money and time and especially when the op doesn’t appear to be able to cope with living in a building site for even a few weeks.

How can it be sold more quickly after refurbishment? It could be sold tomorrow, as is. For less money, certainly, but why should he wait?

YAB-VERY-U!

Im not at all understanding why DH who’s already moved out should continue to fund further renovations on a house marked for imminent sale. You sound very entitled 😑.

Were there other issues within the marriage or was it just the refurb that caused issues? Is your marriage fixable?

It does sound dramatic that you couldn’t cook simple meals so the stress was on you. We did a fill refurb ourselves and had to damp proof and used a slower cooker, microwave and camping stove get up in another room and washed up in the bath. Not ideal but it’s part of buying a fixer upper.

I would sell and not invest in the refurb to that level. If you can’t cope without a kitchen you won’t cope with that level of work. Plus it’s always quite a bit more, it always goes on for longer and is more stressful and messy than it should be.
Is selling this house and a fresh start with your DH in another house a consideration?

Yabu here. Selling and splitting the proceeds is the way forward.

There’s also no guarantee it will sell for what the estate agents estimate. Just because they think it will add £300-400k on the value, there is no way of being sure of that. So your DH will spend £250k on the refurb (it always go over budget) and it actually only increases the house value by £200k by the time it goes on the market. Your DH would be extremely foolish to throw such a huge sum of cash at a house that’s going to be sold pretty much immediately.

You asked, he said no. Get it sold. He'll stop paying on the mortgage or something if this goes on.

Does it matter who "pays"? You're married, the money will be divvied up going forward anyway? And the starting point is 50%?

Get it sold, buy somewhere with a bathroom and kitchen.

I'm sorry it's all come to this.

Just sell. If your marriage is ending, trying to coordinate renovations and work for another year before you can properly sort a divorce will be hideous. Plus you’ll have to live with the work. It’s bad enough living in a building site when you are going to feel the benefit, this will be for someone new to enjoy.

And obviously, you don’t cope well with living in a building site, in that doing it so far has broken your marriage. Why would you put your mental health and your children through that?

Full refurb - let's say 10 months at best.

He is paying mortgage for 10 months plus funding a £200K refurb. Then it goes on the market and sells quickly but can that can still take 4 months start to finish if there is a chain.

Or

Put it on the market now. Even if it takes a year to sell, it's the same timescale and he hasn't spent £200k.

If the refurb improves the value of the house by £200k, then OP is no better off because DH would need to have that outlay repaid before splitting the proceeds.

I presume the house was price accordingly? If so sell it as is. You could ask him to fund the refurbishment, but how would you feel if he then took 100% of the equity over and above what its value is at this moment? If your happy with this, then put that forward to him

It’ll probably take another 2 years for the refurb to be completed, he’ll have spent like 250k for the renovation which might have been funded by loans in his name, been paying mortgage on the house he’s not living in and maybe rent on where he’s living now just to sell so OP can get half of it when he’ll be lumbered with debts, etc.
He’ll be stupid to fund it.
Infact, I can see why he wants to cut his losses with OP’s reasoning. If 5 weeks of kitchen renovation is all it took for you to break your marriage, imagine what actual full refurbishment will do to it.

What price is sanity worth? Maybe you’d suffer through it for a bit more money, I’d cut my losses.

Because it will sell more quickly for more money, so he'd benefit too.

If I was him, I wouldn’t be funding anything further. Sell the house and move on with your lives, surely the house has caused enough stress and upset! He just wants out - sensible man. Why on earth would he fund the reno on his own when he will more than likely then have to pay you more money (as the house will be worth more)…? Confused as to why you think that’s something a sane person would do..

You edited the post to remove the figures but your post history is viewable by all btw.

Its an important factor in how unreasonable you are being tbh

Looks like the OP was edited to remove that the estimated Reno cost is £200k? As per PP, that will end up over £300k, with no benefit to DH. In fact, he might lose £150k to the OP.
Time to get shot of the house and move on.

What if he pays £200k for the refurbishment and then a judge orders as part of the divorce that you get to stay in the house for...the next 10 years? You have a beautiful house and he has a big fat debt with no benefit for 10 years. Or the order is that the house is upset by his pension. Again, you get a beautiful house and he doesn't get any benefits from it until he retires. He's be foolish to agree to it.

We moved into a house that needed a bit of work and on day three the bath fell through to the kitchen.
We’ve not had a kitchen or much of a Bathroom for the last three years because that really wasn’t in the budget and mortgage rates went up. None of us have died and we’re still together.
This is not insurmountable

My God, I had no kitchen for SIX months because they had to knock down the kitchen to build the extension to house the new kitchen. Yes it’s a pain in the arse (especially as we have five DCs) but it’s not marriage ending!

You just have to accept that the stress of renovation is the price you pay for a nice new kitchen! Can you not work on your marriage?

5 weeks is about what a kitchen refit takes though? Ours was about 6 weeks with the whole thing being completely ripped out back to the walls and start from scratch. The floor tiling took about a week as I remember. Like PP, we had a microwave in the living room and had a lot of of deliveries/meals out. It’s a faff for a few weeks, but really shouldn’t be marriage ending unless you already had problems.

If you can’t cope with a kitchen OP, no way will you manage with a full house refurb, I can’t imagine trying to choose bathroom taps with someone I was divorcing. DH and I are currently having the garden landscaped (6 weeks) and took a good couple of weeks to find patio tiles we both liked. Best to cut your losses, sell as it is and move on. I’m not sure you went into a house refurb understanding quite what it entails.

Agree with your DH. Sell up and move on.

Its not the main focus but your marriage can’t have been that strong if a delayed kitchen sends it down the drain.

Your marriage couldn't have been that great to start with.