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Original poster

DH should fund the house renovations even though we are separated

109 replies

Pinklollypopp · 02/08/2025 12:38

In December last year, we purchased a house that needed a complete revamp. Our initial plan was to rent a friend's house for 3 months whilst the renovations were completed but this fell though and we ended up moving straight into our new home.

Our initial builder let us down so DH hired someone to complete the kitchen whilst our initial builder has some capacity to do the work. The kitchen fitter had taken almost 5 weeks to complete the job. He had taken one another job and was only turning up twice a week in the afternoon, also the company who designed our kitchen made a number of mistakes so had to redo a few parts of the kitchen.

All the aggravation of have no kitchen but a strain on our marriage, and as the SAHP I felt particularly annoyed that I couldnt cook a simple meal for weeks.
After the kitchen was finished DH told me he wanted no more involvement in the refurbishment, claiming I was taking out my anger on him for the delays to kitchen and that I would continue to blame him for any further delays.

As a result, we continued to argue for a few weeks and he decided to move out, and our relationship has progressively deteriorated and we are now separated.

Since then, nothing has happened to the house. We have a full working kitchen but nothing else. I want DH to fund the refurbishment work as several estate agents estimate it will considerably increase the property's value.

DH says he just wants to sell the house as is. AIBU to ask him to fund this. I have no other assets or savings.
I am on the deeds of the house but only as part owner, however he has previously promised to share the proceeds equally with me.

OP posts:
Couldyounot · 02/08/2025 20:52

I'm sure there was a thread about this situation before. Renovation costs had soared out of control. Unreasonable then, still unreasonable now

PinkyFlamingo · 02/08/2025 20:39

Why on earth did you buy a house that needed so much work ie money? Crazy

BelfastBard · 02/08/2025 20:30

Hang on. I’ve just re read this. He worked to enable you to stay home with two children that aren’t even his?!?!

AnneLovesGilbert · 02/08/2025 20:28

Sensible man. You bit the hand that fed you and your two kids over an issue you could have tackled yourself.

Where are you all living at the moment?

BelfastBard · 02/08/2025 20:27

You can’t be serious that he should pay for renovations after you’ve separated surely?

blackpooolrock · 02/08/2025 20:25

So you want him to spend x000's so your 20% is worth more? you are absolutely deluded.

Sounds like he has dodged a bullet.

Saharafordessert · 02/08/2025 20:25

He’d be very wise to sell, take the percentage he invested and run!

Radiowaawaa · 02/08/2025 20:23

Batshit request.

I’m not surprised that the marriage failed to be honest. You sound unreasonable.

MounjaroBingo · 02/08/2025 20:18

Why weren’t you firmer with the builder OP, given your strength of view on the matter and the fact you’re at home?

you sound incredibly entitled from your posts tbh

babyproblems · 02/08/2025 20:03

Taking on a renovation that big is a real test of your couple. I think given you have separated; you can’t ask him to complete it now. Can you borrow to finish the work; or do it yourself??? However that would also benefit him when you come to sell…
i don’t think you have much choice but to sell and move on - you can do a renovation yourself on the next one.

It is stressful. We are 9 years into a big renovation and it’s been testing!! I can see why you’d separate. Is there any chance of reconciliation on the cards??? I personally think often just doing things yourself is easier rather than rely on useless tradesmen that don’t turn up etc. If there is any hope of you getting back together, you could say give it 6 months, do all the basic decorating yourselves and then him move back in and see where you are then. Not easy. Lots of luck to you x

DannyDeever · 02/08/2025 20:01

He agreed to work and fund you to enable you to be a SAHM to your children?. My god, he was a keeper from my point of view. And then you are home all day but nag him to deal with the builder.

✔️🤯

DannyDeever · 02/08/2025 19:59

Pinklollypopp · 02/08/2025 19:35

The house has immense potential for us as we were able to purchase it for a relatively low price. All EAs have provided the same estimates and I know the area very well. We could do very well financially if we were to refurb and resell.

We hsve been married for 2 years and we were a couple for over a year before our marriage. There are 2 children- mine, he is the step father.

I own 20% of the house, the rest is owned by him .

His version is that I became annoyed at the lack of a kitchen and took it out of him; my version is that Insinply asked him to be firmer with the builder and he'd called me a named in return.

Show quote history

Well, whoever is to blame, it sounds like splitting up is the best thing all round and no joint children to worry about. So 🎉.

Not going ahead with the renovation is certainly best for him and likely best for you, given how hard you found the kitchen.

This really is a no-brainer, just be grateful this happened early before there were joint children. In a short period of time you will be away from this man who you feel has treated you badly and able to live a life full of house renovation work without someone else impeding it!

Createausername1970 · 02/08/2025 19:58

OP, you have come across quite able to state what you want. Could you have not been firmer with the builder yourself?

You have been married for 2 years, known him for 3. He agreed to work and fund you to enable you to be a SAHM to your children?. My god, he was a keeper from my point of view. And then you are home all day but nag him to deal with the builder.

It's probably not that straightforward, but from what you have said I can see why he walked away. He may have called you an inappropriate name, which was not a nice thing to do, but I do have sympathy for him.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 02/08/2025 19:57

Pinklollypopp · 02/08/2025 19:35

The house has immense potential for us as we were able to purchase it for a relatively low price. All EAs have provided the same estimates and I know the area very well. We could do very well financially if we were to refurb and resell.

We hsve been married for 2 years and we were a couple for over a year before our marriage. There are 2 children- mine, he is the step father.

I own 20% of the house, the rest is owned by him .

His version is that I became annoyed at the lack of a kitchen and took it out of him; my version is that Insinply asked him to be firmer with the builder and he'd called me a named in return.

Show quote history

He would be even more daft to do the renovations after your update. He’s supporting you and your kids finally and you want him to carry on doing that and pay for the renovations? Crazy. You were both foolish to take on such a big project in such a short shaky marriage

ClassicalQueen · 02/08/2025 19:55

If you only own 20% of the property that’s all you’d be getting if I was in your DH’s position. If he was foolish enough to put 200k into the property to finish the renovations before you sell, surely the 200k extra investment would be on top of his 80%. I think you’d end up worse off tbh. You need to sell the house and find a job.

Didimum · 02/08/2025 19:52

Don’t you think your marriage/relationship was unfathomably weak to split up over house renovations after only 3yrs together? Why did you go through such an enormous project when you were on such shaky ground? Sell the house and focus on your poor children.

Original poster
Pinklollypopp · 02/08/2025 19:35

FrustratedOldLady · 02/08/2025 13:14

No, he shouldn’t fund the refurbishment. Why would he?
How long have you been married, how old are your children?
I believe the starting point is 50/50 division of marital assets, doesn’t matter who’s on the deeds. I would book an initial consultation with a solicitor to get advice.

The house has immense potential for us as we were able to purchase it for a relatively low price. All EAs have provided the same estimates and I know the area very well. We could do very well financially if we were to refurb and resell.

We hsve been married for 2 years and we were a couple for over a year before our marriage. There are 2 children- mine, he is the step father.

I own 20% of the house, the rest is owned by him .

His version is that I became annoyed at the lack of a kitchen and took it out of him; my version is that Insinply asked him to be firmer with the builder and he'd called me a named in return.

OP posts:
RoadAtlas · 02/08/2025 18:19

OP has left the building...

AnAlpacaForChristmasPleaseSanta · 02/08/2025 18:19

Waiting for the mother of all drip feeds to try and justify the OPs demand.

LittlleMy · 02/08/2025 18:18

Summerhillsquare · 02/08/2025 14:55

Because it will sell more quickly for more money, so he'd benefit too.

Show quote history

I think DH would argue he’d benefit more so if he can just get the house sold and proceeds asap least of all because he’s having to fund alternative accommodation since they split. Of course OP wants him to continue funding additional refurbs prior to a potentially more profitable house sale since she said he’s promised her equal proceeds 🙄.

saraclara · 02/08/2025 18:16

If the refurb improves the value of the house by £200k, then OP is no better off because DH would need to have that outlay repaid before splitting the proceeds.

Exactly. If you force him into paying for the refurb, there's no way he's going to let you have half the post-renovation value of the place when it's sold @Pinklollypopp and nor should he. You'd be absolutely taking the piss.
In fact he'd be so annoyed that he'd be likely to be a lot more difficult over the financial split, than he will be if you let him get rid of the place (which has now become a millstone) as quickly as possible.

MascaraGirl · 02/08/2025 18:10

Meadowfinch · 02/08/2025 18:05

You have two choices OP. Sell it as is or do the redecorating yourself.

I agree with your DH, if you can't manage to refurb a kitchen without separating, then put it back on the market and get rid of it.

Why should he pay for the renovations if he isn't even living there? Just sell, split the proceeds and go your separate ways. It will be quicker, cleaner, involve far fewer arguments and a lot less stress..

This!

Mavvera · 02/08/2025 18:09

Sell it and split it or it will wind on for years

Meadowfinch · 02/08/2025 18:05

You have two choices OP. Sell it as is or do the redecorating yourself.

I agree with your DH, if you can't manage to refurb a kitchen without separating, then put it back on the market and get rid of it.

Why should he pay for the renovations if he isn't even living there? Just sell, split the proceeds and go your separate ways. It will be quicker, cleaner, involve far fewer arguments and a lot less stress..

DannyDeever · 02/08/2025 18:03

After the kitchen was finished DH told me he wanted no more involvement in the refurbishment, claiming I was taking out my anger on him for the delays to kitchen and that I would continue to blame him for any further delays.
As a result, we continued to argue for a few weeks and he decided to move out, and our relationship has progressively deteriorated and we are now separated.

Reading between the lines he is lucky to be out of this marriage and the sooner the house is sold 'as is' the happier everyone will be.

Heartbreaking for the children.