Family Holiday - AIBU to think adult partners should be included?

What if you all pay the costs between yourselves including covering the grandparents cost?

The issue is that they might be offended about being overtaken. But realistically, it’s normal that the younger adults also want to bring their partners along.

I think your parents are teetering on FAFO.....and once such a tradition breaks then that's that.. but their choice.

Maybe the grandparents should make more effort to get to know the long term partners so they aren't strangers (although after 5+ years if they still considered them strangers I'd be disappointed)...a good place to start would be spending more time together perhaps on a holiday. 😉

Yes partners should definitely be able to join (especially seeing as they are long term partners at this point). Obviously yes, that means splitting the extra cost, but you said everyone is happy to do that.
I expect these family trips will soon come to an end if they disagree.

Its not the same...
They'll have known him for 30 or 40 odd years vs a 20 something yr old they met 4 or 5 times

My DM is 70 she def wouldn't want "strangers" / outsiders seeing her in "a state of dishevellment" at breakfast.

A week is a long time to expect someone to use annual leave to go away without their long term partner. I’d find it weird as a gc and would be put off going. If any of the gc have dc of their own then the no partners rule isn’t going to fly.
I can understand the gps just wanting to holiday with people they know well - presumably they have known their own dcs partners for 30+ years. Has there been much effort on either side to establish a relationship between the gcs dps and the gps? I don’t think the gps are that unreasonable if they feel they don’t really know the partners but a week is a long time for an adult to go away with other people.
It is important to spend time with family/friends on their own sometimes. My dsis has been married for 30 years and I like her dh a lot but I wouldn’t want him there every time I saw her. I wouldn’t necessarily expect her to come on a week long holiday with me though.

I’m amazed the grandchildren continued to go once they were living with partners. A week is a lot of holiday allowance to use.

I think this reflects a very unhealthy family dynamic, which is increasingly prevalent on MN, that people in their 20s and even early 30s aren’t considered by posters to be “proper” adults.

And to those posters saying about “just” a partner, I know people who have lived together for decades without being married or having children. How is that less of a commitment to each other than someone who gets married after a year or so?

Sorry it’s your parents choice. Just as it’s the grand children’s choice not to go which is what I would be doing. Alternatively could those who want partners to go rent somewhere smaller nearby and meet up with you all?

They live with them and have done for over 5 years!

Do significant relationships not count without a ring and baby?

Im staggered they’ve made it this far and would be turning down the offer

They’re not 16 year olds asking to bring along their new girlfriend/boyfriend of three weeks. They’re grown adults in serious committed relationships. If I were them I would just be saying no thank you to the trip if the Grandparents were continuing to treat me like a child and disregarding my partner.

Are the DGP very traditional Op as in being happy to have married partners but not unmarried ones? Either way at 20s and 30s I'm surprized their DGC still want to do family holidays, most couples I know would rather pay and go away as a couple or with friends

So? You don't have to get married or have kids to consider yourself partners. Or indeed a family in its own right. They've been together a long time.

Just a partner seems really dismissive. Some people never marry their partners or have kids it doesn't mean it's not a serious relationship.

To be late 80s, they were born in late 1930s. Our parents are younger, but grandparents were older and this "not if you aren't married" attitude fell by the wayside by the 1980s at least for the majority of families. Remember you're talking about a couple who were young adults spending their 20s years living through the 1960s! While this particular couple are not inclusive, it really isn't a generational thing to put down to their age.

It’s just a partner though. No marriage or kids

I see so many posts on here about issues with "family holidays" that I wonder why anyone does it, but each to their own.....

Of course partners should be included, but maybe this is the moment for the younger generation to go off and do their own thing? Do they actually enjoy the family holiday, or do they just go because they think they should?

If the grandparents are paying, then you are their guests so are in their hands regarding invitations. People in their 80s tend not to be too keen on changes to the usual family plans. Maybe time for the adult children to take over he paying and arranging. Then the grandparents are your guests. It could be the girlfriend if they are typical of their generation. If things are serious though they are going to have to accept sooner or later that how others live is not their business. Doesn't mean they have to invite though if they are personally uncomfortable but if they keep up open disapproval they are in danger of losing their granddaughter.
It could be the extra cost. Maybe they don't want feel able to pay more but don't want others to take the finance over.

Exactly this.

Your parents/their grandparents can insist no partners, but they can't insist the adult children spend a week of their annual leave going on holiday without their partners.

What did they think would happen if one of the adult grandkids had their own children? Still no partners?

Oof. That's not a great way to treat people. You can't just take it over.

😅😅😅

No what i mean is as the GP i can see why they wouldn't want them there and as the GC i can see why they wouldn't want to go...

I also think the grandchildren should vote with their feet and either not go (presuming they don’t want to go without partners) or maybe club together for a nearby property that suits them and stay separately.

They are family, they are the son and daughter in law. They've had a relationship with the couple in their 80s for decades.

I expect if the grandchildren were married their spouses would be invited. Some people (particularly of that generation) don't see living together as a serious and committed relationship.

I wouldn't assume homophobia, just not being arsed to get to know new people

If my GP's couldn't be arsed to get to know my partner of 5+ years I'd find that pretty hurtful tbh.

Your DH is a partner, when did he start going? Is this "no ring no bring"?

Personally I think such longterm partners should be invited but I can see why GPs like the tradition as it stands. But GC can decline of course.