Was this comment by the waiter a bit off?

Maybe I've been working in a feminist organisation too long

I assumed you were working in the NHS @doriiii

Maybe - just like you - he spent time thinking of all the wittier things he could have said. Sometimes we just don't nail it with exactly the right words because we are human.

Maybe, on the other hand, he didn't, because he says it to every tenth customer, irrespective of gender and it's just his way of speaking. I agree with you that it isn't a phrase I'd use - but I can see it as designed to be light-hearted as easily as I can see it as pointedly misogynistic.

You can't really know if it was some kind of power play on his part op and I think I'd talk yourself down from your outrage on this one by asking "Did he give me the card?" You got what you needed. He might just as easily have felt (in his own insecurity/desire to look for opportunity to take umbrage) that you were treating him in a lofty manner as he "served" you.

I agree with pp saying its about control or power - but I actually think its less on his part, and more on the part of those wanting to feel it would be a good idea to have pulled him up on his phrasing.

There are of course comments that are genuinely offensive but I think as a society we are in fact managing to tackle the genuinely offensive comments. There is a risk of going so far that we police every interaction.

How far are we from pre-approved scripts for every interaction?

There has to be a bit of space for people to just "not be our type" in terms of the way they speak/banter/use language. You put in your op that you asked where your friends "were sat"; I prefer " were sitting" but it would never occur to me to think I could scratch that from your self-expression because we are still allowed to be ourselves to some degree - surely? Is pretty please really so inherently offensive?

Good grief. Why is everyone so desperate to be offended? It’s a well known, often used saying for men and women alike. The waiter was probably just trying to brighten up a long boring shift. You turned up late, expected him to know who you were meeting and asked for a discount. You’re lucky he was as happy and jolly as he was.

I am genuinely becoming more and more astounded at the things people get upset about.

Best response
Look at him earnestly and ask 'how does one say that?'....he says it, Job done.😄

Worst response.
Look mate, I am on a really heavy period and flooding at the moment, stop arsing around and show me to the table now.😒

Dickhead response.
Tell the manager I want to see him. 🙄

Only for the people who say offensive things, for the rest of us we'd have much nicer days 🥰

By that logic, you could find offence in most jokey comments. Imagine getting pulled aside and talked down for every single comment that didn’t land well with someone. It would become a very depressing life would it not?

I have moments when I say something really stupid and I immediately think to myself self “ why the hell did I say that for?”

I do this regularly and it's not age because I've been doing it since my teens.
I just sometimes speak before I think. Always pulling myself up about it.
I've also observed there's a lot of us about. Maybe this waiter too.

I agree.

Twat.

'Pretty please'? FFS, does he think you're a parrot?

Twat.

I agree.

OP, do you usually get easily offended?

So do I. It's the kind of argument they used to use about sexist and racist coomedians in the 1970s, 'oh it's just banter. can't take a joke, fuss about nothing'.

What happened to the art of a quick retort to make the initial remark (hardly a major insult) look small?
I worked behind a bar for years, on the odd occasion a man tried to place me in the 'little barmaid' category, they were quickly put in their place, so much so, oftentimes their mates would end up laughing at him.
Very satisfying.

Precisely.

Oh dear.

It's banter, try and think of dome witty comebacks.

“Cheer up it might never happen” is also ‘just an expression’. Is that one ok? Plenty of sexist remarks can be dismissed as such but that doesn’t make them ok.
It’s the fact that he would not have said it if op was a man that makes it sexist in that context.

No. Disagreeing is saying I don't agree. Patronising and dismissive is: it was a complete non-event; move on; why are people so desperate to find problems;some people are professionally offended. All patronising and designed to shut down any dissenting viewpoint.

OP I hope you can see this and feel empowered to challenge this kind of shit and don't get shut down by the men and captured women on here.

Much ado about absolutely nothing. Absolutely ridiculous.

It was a patronising comment for sure, but having worked in that environment he was probably tired, stressed because your being late would have made his job more difficult (when a table is late to order it knocks off your schedule for other bookings and makes it harder to manage flow for the chefs) and just misjudged the level at which he could make a joke..
or he’s a dick. Could be either tbh but I wouldn't lose sleep over it.

Sounds like an attempt at a joke. You and some PPs are overreacting. All this over analysing stupid stuff and deciding its misogyny minimises actual misogyny.

It’s just an expression !

I can’t understand why everything nowadays has to be twisted.

Why "jeez" the response is asking for something FROM her in order to use her BL card? Demanding she behave in a way he deems appropriate. You think he would have said that to man? Never. It was a reply that diminishes and controls. There is a continuum of everyday sexism...and this is definitely a sexist response. Personally I want society to improve and change and this sort of creepy speech to go

I’d have just laughed.

Like I said, it is subjective. I disagree with you, as I am allowed to. I'm not dismissing you or patronising you, I simply don't agree.