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AIBU?

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Original poster

Was this comment by the waiter a bit off?

280 replies

doriiii · 02/08/2025 08:20

This is something that happened a couple of weeks ago but not sure if I'm being overly sensitive.

Went to meet a few friends for some food in a nice pub. I arrived a bit later due to work hours. When I arrived I asked the waiter where they were sat and he walked me over. I asked if they accepted blue light cards, and he said 'only if you say pretty please'.

It really grossed me out, and I knew he wouldn't have said it to my male friends.

I didn't say anything but did kind of laugh when I said 'right ok'.

AIBU to think it's just a bit of a gross comment?

OP posts:
Isittimeformynapyet · 02/08/2025 14:32

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Yes, but like I said, you are assuming that I don't actually speak at the same time! I say stuff! If I were to give you examples I'd just be making them up for this thread. I can't remember any examples. It's all very off-the-cuff. You had to be there! Whatever I've said has just disappeared off into the ether like - oh I don't know - moths or something.
Just trust me, or not, I don't care!

Sorry to disappoint.

Notanartist81 · 02/08/2025 14:23

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Isittimeformynapyet · 02/08/2025 14:15

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"a lot of" my sting.
"some" strong work.

I know you're very eager to make me feel small, so how about this:

You got me @Notanartist81. You're smart for me! I made it all up. I've never put a dickhead man in his place for casual, sexist bullshit. I was just trying to make myself sound clever and impressive. I feel really bad and ashamed now.

Feel better?

ccridersuz · 02/08/2025 14:12

Seriously?.
You need to get out more.
Having worked in all aspects the hospitality trade, there are too many personalities to mention and everyone is different.
Did it not occur to you he was trying to make you smile? Or give you a giggle?.
Working in this business now (Retired) must be a nightmare, with everybody taking offence over the slightest little comment, like OP for instance.
I suspect the art of banter has been seriously curtailed since my day, it’s called free speech, but its people like OP in government that are seriously putting it in danger.
The waiter may or may not say this to a man, but I’ve a suspicion he’s got a phrase he uses on men.
As someone who worked in this sector, break the ice or make someone smile or laugh with a witty, sarcastic or sometimes rude/crude remark was almost the norm.
I loved working behind a bar, collecting glasses, waiting tables, for the banter, especially when the tips proved you had done a good job.
It’s an awful shame that your freedom of speech, due to wingy, moaners and woke government, means that hospitality staff cannot open their mouth, without someone taking offence!.

Notanartist81 · 02/08/2025 14:02

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Notanartist81 · 02/08/2025 14:01

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phoenixrosehere · 02/08/2025 14:00

It’s off.

People are being ridiculous to equate thinking something is off to being offended.

I’d think the person is weird and see if they continue to be off. People have said some off sh*t to me and I just remind myself to not bother with them if I don’t have to.

NovemberMorn · 02/08/2025 13:54

I understand not everyone is quick enough to counter a remark they think is insulting or patronising, and I think everyone at some time in their lives has thought of a brilliant response 5 minutes too late.
But one counter remark, which is none confrontational, is simply to say nicely...'What do you mean by that?' It puts the onus on the remark giver to explain why he said it.

ilovesooty · 02/08/2025 13:45

VaseofViolets · 02/08/2025 13:37

Indeed. How do these people cope with life…

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I meant that your use of the word tragic was utter hyperbole.

VaseofViolets · 02/08/2025 13:37

ilovesooty · 02/08/2025 13:17

"Tragic" 🙄

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Indeed. How do these people cope with life…

Isittimeformynapyet · 02/08/2025 13:30

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Why are you pretending to assume that I don't actually say anything when I take the piss out of twatty men?

I'm being slightly disingenuous here actually - I know exactly why. On you go.

dogcatkitten · 02/08/2025 13:22

Just a feeble attempt at humour, hardly worth thinking about for more than a milli-second.

Notanartist81 · 02/08/2025 13:21

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Notanartist81 · 02/08/2025 13:21

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Notanartist81 · 02/08/2025 13:20

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NovemberMorn · 02/08/2025 13:19

When Ricky Gervais said 'Just because you are offended, it doesn't mean you are right', he was spot on.
Some people want to be offended, they look for it, revel in victim mode, others feel no offence, laugh in the face of it, counter it, I know which I prefer.

Notanartist81 · 02/08/2025 13:19

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Notanartist81 · 02/08/2025 13:18

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ilovesooty · 02/08/2025 13:17

VaseofViolets · 02/08/2025 12:20

Such desperation to find offence where none was intended 😂 Absolutely tragic.

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"Tragic" 🙄

Balloonhearts · 02/08/2025 13:15

I don't think it's great but not something I'd have given headspace to, honestly. Just tell him Sorry but you're not that pretty! Pay and move on.

Calliopespa · 02/08/2025 13:13

IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 02/08/2025 13:11

You're making no sense. You're objecting to the OP "taking umbrage" and even starting the thread. By your argument there would be nothing to discuss.

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There is something to discuss, because its been posted.

Do you mean I wouldn't have started this particular thread? No, I wouldn't have.

youalright · 02/08/2025 13:13

He sounds like he was doing a really bad job of flirting

IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 02/08/2025 13:13

Calliopespa · 02/08/2025 13:09

ageist?

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Oh wow- what a gotcha! Yes of course everyone interacts with 5 year olds in the exactly the same way as they interact with adults.

IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 02/08/2025 13:11

Calliopespa · 02/08/2025 13:08

No its not. The op posted in AIBU.

It would be bizarre if we all just agreed or said "well that's up to you."

I mean how do you actually envisage AIBU working?

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You're making no sense. You're objecting to the OP "taking umbrage" and even starting the thread. By your argument there would be nothing to discuss.

Calliopespa · 02/08/2025 13:09

IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 02/08/2025 13:08

I wouldn’t say pretty please to an adult

I sure as would say it to a child boy or girl

Isn't that the crux of the issue then? It's an expression which is completely acceptable to use to a child- not an adult woman.

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ageist?

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