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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would you go to this wedding ?

59 replies

Weddingconundrum · 01/08/2025 22:18

I have a friend through a hobby who is getting married tomorrow & they have invited me along to the church service…I’ve just found out that our mutual friends from that hobby have been invited to the whole day.

Totally appreciate that you can’t have everyone but now I’m wondering if I’ll look a bit desperate and cringe to turn up to the service when everyone else will be going for the whole day and not me? What would you do in my shoes?

OP posts:

Enko · 01/08/2025 23:53

I would go. I love a wedding the service is the bestt bit imo. I would assume she is closer with the other friend than you

Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 01/08/2025 23:51

It’s never too late for a gastro bug & there are a lot doing the rounds right now. Have a day at home drinking tea and pottering. She wont notice you're not there.

chocolatelover91 · 01/08/2025 23:44

The church does not include a bar. So I would politely decline 😅🤣

Someone2025 · 01/08/2025 23:42

No, I definitely would not go

Delphiniumandlupins · 01/08/2025 23:33

I'm obviously the odd one out here because I think the service is the actual most important part. A reception is fun but the marriage still happens if there's no party.

AuntieDolly · 01/08/2025 23:26

I didn’t know this was even a thing

DappledThings · 01/08/2025 23:26

Petalymetal · 01/08/2025 23:24

It is very rude to only invite someone to the service.

It isn't. Church weddings are open to anyone so it's just letting someone know when and where it is if they fancy popping along. Nothing wrong with that.

Petalymetal · 01/08/2025 23:24

It is very rude to only invite someone to the service.

Doitrightnow · 01/08/2025 23:22

I'm part of a hobby where there have been numerous weddings over the years. Some I've been invited to and some not. I can definitely see who is closest to whom and it generally hasn't been a shock. I invited some to the whole of my own wedding and others just to part of it.

Are you truly as close to the B&G as the people who have been invited all day?

I'd go if it was local, but I love weddings. I would give a card but I wouldn't get a gift.

TheCurious0range · 01/08/2025 23:22

If it's not someone you are close to the ceremony is the most boring part of a wedding. I wouldn't go, maybe message in the morning and say you're unwell. She's not losing any money because you've only been invited to the church.
On the other hand I love an evening invite from a hobby or work friend! That's the fun bit

PhoenixReincarnated · 01/08/2025 23:19

Tbh, I wouldn't bother. Too much hassle getting up and finding something nice to wear just for the ceremony especially a last minute invite.

Theteenandme · 01/08/2025 23:15

The service is open to anyone to turn up to so if you wanted to "see them get married" then pop along and it wont look odd.

I dont think I could be bothered with the effort of finding something nice to wear etc for that though tbh. Some services can be 20mins lomg and done so the commute takes longer.

On the plus side, with it being just the service, they wont have paid anything for you to go so dont feel bad if you don't.

DappledThings · 01/08/2025 23:12

I would. But I like weddings and take invitations at face value rather than second guessing the intention. I wouldn't buy a present, I wouldn't think it was expected.

Wexone · 01/08/2025 23:09

who the f has these weddings were they only invite you to bits of the wedding ? I can not understand it. you are either invited to the full wedding day or not. maybe an evening invite but then are not really a thing these days. I am sorry I would pull a sicky on this one send a card and wish them all the best

Isittimeformynapyet · 01/08/2025 23:09

Weddingconundrum · 01/08/2025 22:41

Urgh I’m worried now that she’s just felt like she had to invite me just because I was there when the topic of the wedding came up 😫

Yeah, probably. I wouldn't go, but I wouldn't be bothered about it. It doesn't reflect on you personally I'm sure.

pictoosh · 01/08/2025 23:06

Ach no, I wouldn't go.

TheChosenTwo · 01/08/2025 23:04

Oh god I absolutely wouldn’t be going in this circumstance. I think your hunch that you’ve been invited to the ceremony was because you were there when she was talking about it was right.
I bloody love weddings but for me the ceremony is the most boring part and the bit I wish I could skip and just get straight to the fun evening party 😂😂😂

whackamole666 · 01/08/2025 23:01

If you do go to the service don't pretend you're too busy to attend the reception. If anyone asks, can't imagine they will, say you're just there for the service.

If you don't go, the bride probably won't even notice.

If you're feeling a bit put out by the half invitation then don't go.

CaptainFuture · 01/08/2025 22:50

Iwantsandybeachesandgoodfood · 01/08/2025 22:38

I think that’s beyond cheeky and I would be making any excuse and not going. Come and see me get married but you’re not important enough to celebrate with us. Hard no from me.

This, and definitely no present!

TubeScreamer · 01/08/2025 22:49

If it was close by and I wanted to go, then I would go. If you don’t fancy it or can’t face it then don’t.

DiligentStrawberry · 01/08/2025 22:46

Just go. It’s nice to support them.

Dee00 · 01/08/2025 22:46

If you like her I think you should go, be nice, give them your well wishes. Chat and mingle before and after for a bit with your hobby friends and pretend your off out doing something nice that evening. So just going along to the service worked out perfectly for you.

Howmanycatsistoomany · 01/08/2025 22:45

I'd probably skip it and send a card. At least you don't have to buy a present!