Was the ‘race card’ pulled??

Then I heard the woman say to the girl “you know exactly why she thinks she needs to be in front of us, this is another example”. At this stage I assume she meant I felt entitled to say this because they were a family of colour!

She could have meant many things. I’m not sure why you assumed it was due to race? It’s rude to push in regardless.

WTF.

Although probably shouldn't acronyms around that litigant lest she thinks it's an attempt to jump her bones.

You did the right thing. I would not get into any physical altercation, esp with my kids around. They could have attacked back. Staying calm was the right thing. They sound awful for pushing you.

Pushing into queues and being called out for it is not race related! I have lots of sympathy when unconscious bias may affect people of different races and backgrounds, it also can go both ways but in the 21st century it’s not an excuse for anti social behaviour which queues jumping includes! The sins of the past which our forevearers committed is no excuse today for preferential treatment either, especially in queues nor is cultural differences

The problem with ‘race card’, is it’s then used for incidences where there has been genuine racism which is then dismissed. It implies it’s a regular occurrence and people are making up incidents of racism often, which is obviously not the case.

To link with other current events, there has been lots of hideous unacceptable antisemitism which needs calling out, esp as it’s rising. There have been some false accusations of antisemitism too. I could never accuse someone of playing the ‘antisemitism card’. It sounds so dismissive and unpleasant; I hated even typing it.

There is something very dismissive having about calling something a ‘card’. I don’t think there should be a trite reductive phrase really for these kinds of major issues.

Unless I've missed it - and if OP's assessment was correct - I'm surprised nobody's said what a shame it is for the children concerned to be encouraged to think in these terms, when examining their own poor behaviour might bring better results

Unfortunately, whatever we call it, there'll always be people who attempt to deflect from their own actions by flinging accusations in the hope something sticks; I've had it myself when someone didn't get a job, the irony being that because of the area/demographic I recruited in the successful candidate would be of the same race 80% of the time

FWIW I think you handled it well and with restraint OP; pity they weren't able to do the same, but that's a lesson they'll need to learn if they wantg to succeed

It’s actually not. I called a white female colleague out on it at work last year, who would always loudly make comments about me being late occasionally, despite them not being my boss and it having no impact on them.

Normally I would just ignore it but that morning I decided to push back if she made the same comments. I came in slightly late and she said something like “look who’s decided to show up”. I told her she doesn’t say that to anyone else, and she wouldn’t have said it if I was white and a man - she would do the polite British thing of ignoring it/ gossiping about it behind my back. She got really offended and denied there was any race factor involved, just like you have. I reminded her that our white male colleague who is frequently late still hadn’t come in, and that I hoped she would keep the same energy when he arrived.

Lo and behold, 10 minutes later our while male colleague comes in. I look at my colleague, she looks at me, goes red but says absolutely nothing to the late white man. She apologised to me profusely after that and said she would think more about how race biases influences her conduct in subtle ways she had never even thought of. True to her word, she has not made those type of comments to me since.

Christ, this gets worse. So now if we robustly explain the circumstances of why a POC may have received a punishment, a reprimand, a negative response, that is entirely objectively related to the circumstances we are protesting too much, defensive and therefore actually racist?

Again two things can be true...yes racism is real, exists, in micro, unconscious and overt ways. But it is also true that sometimes people "read" racism as a motive when it is simply not there, either deliberately, to cause trouble as in the case of my classroom incident or unconsciously, through perhaps understandable frustration at having encountered it often. Accusing people of unconscious bias with absolutely no proof or motive is frankly, no better than racism itself. It's also impossible to defend..since noone can actually mind read, I can't prove no unconscious bias and it can be put forward without challenge because if I DO challenge it I am apparently protesting too much and being defensive.

Then what were this girl and her aunt talking about?

Why did they think they deserved to be further ahead in the queue and were only stopped from doing so because…..,

@DangermooMy answer would have been, based on the limited information and OPs perspective only, then no, it was unlikely to be intentional racism on her part.

however, all of us can be unconsciously biased. Including myself. I’m sure there are times where I’ve been subconsciously biased to other minority groups and not understood or realised my impact. We are human. It’s likely, we are born to generalise and make assumptions. It’s when people deny it or flat out refuse to believe they are capable is when it becomes frustrating!

I think this is really unfair of you to say to the OP. Clearly the OP was not meaning to be offensive, however, this family were certainly being offensive towards the OP and her daughter whether it was race related or not.

I usually hate this term and do think it's used by racists often. Not in this case though, what a shocking message they are sending to their children.

If you truly care, and want to really understand what micro racism is like (aka the type of day to day racism where white people will often say - don’t be daft, that’s the race card) then check Black Mumsnetters @Glittercloud17
You’ll hear from people who have actually experienced racism instead of people who think that because they believe there’s no racism that it’s true. These threads highlight the type of racism in the U.K. that is seen, quiet and insidious but still very much alive and kicking.

They were wrong to make it about race, but you are wrong to use the term ‘race card’. As a black person I hate this term which is simply used to make people of colour think twice before raising legitimate concerns about racism. As if racism is a privilege to experience…

What would your answer have been if she had asked was I falsely accused of racism?

You can see some denial here. It's doing race relations no favours, whatsoever. As soon as you question matters, you're called a racist. Quite ironic really.

@GoodPuddingIn which case then OP could have asked ‘Was I falsely accused of racism’

The fact that so many on here have such a visceral reaction to the idea that they may be unconsciously/subconsciously racist is telling. Sorry to say it but yes we do experience racism on a day to day basis and no sometimes you don’t realise that it is racism because you have no reference point for it!

I'm saying yanbu , they sound like vile bullies.

Here we go.

No, it's not bloody likely I am subconsciously racist. FFS..a teenage boy was flicking spit balls so I moved him to the front. He was the only one doing it in a class of mixed ethnicity. No others were ignored, tolerated or treated differently. Please do say how me appropriately responding to that behaviour was motivated by racism. If I'd called SLT, had him removed and suspended, sure. I moved his seat..a standard manoeuvre used by thousands of teachers always.

If the woman behind you genuinely believed her niece had not pushed into the queue, it's odd that she then accepted standing behind you while counselling the niece on being more assertive.

Even if she hadn't pushed in, 'saving a place in the queue' isn't considered good manners unless you're 12 and in the school canteen at dinner time. Holding a place in a long queue, e.g. while others go to the loo, is fine, but not inviting others to join you belatedly in an earlier space.

All that said, I'd probably have said nothing at all in the OP's shoes, it really isn't worth the aggro - pick your battles!

YABU for letting people bully you! Stand up for yourself, otherwise morons like this will get away with bad behaviour. If someone pushed me, they'd be getting pushed back!!

I got called racist for a cafe review where I described their chairs as uncomfortable, that there was poor parking and that the workmen gathering outside smoking and swearing were intimidating.

Some people use their race as a way to take no accountability for their behaviour or failings. I have absolutely no sympathy for these people and they are most definitely playing the "race card"