To think most men wouldn’t survive a year living the life of an average woman?

Yep, same as the usual Christmas post(s) about this. Men cope more than fine when they have to. It's the getting to that point that seems to be a disconnect in a lot of relationships.

Hmm I don't know about women crumbling under the pressure of being the breadwinner. If my husband did all the stuff I do in terms of sorting the house, kids, mental load, and all I had to worry about was work? I'd be at the top of my game!

Men and women do have different strengths and weaknesses. And here I am very much generalising I know... But I do agree that women put up with a shit ton more and just generally cope better with pretty much everything. Under the weather? Crack on because we have to. Periods, pregnancy, childbirth? Crack on. Work stress? Well, life won't stop for us to deal with that!
Slightest sniffle, men are in bed unable to move, slightest stress and it's the end of the world. Last minute planners, minimal effort with mates, rubbish at organising kids stuff. Sorry, that's just how it is!!
Again, generalising but women are better at the emotional stuff. Men are generally better at the practical stuff.

Personally we play to our strengths and divide things relatively fairly, I think - but many don't and I agree we can be real bloody martyrs.

They absolutely would survive if they had to. The point is they never do have to because women constantly over-anticipate and swoop in to prevent them having to think about stuff like this.

As much as I don’t agree with the basis of this thread, the precise reason some women don’t feel like they live in some sort of sexist hell, is because they’re able to be the main earners of their families.

I’ve been the breadwinner in every relationship I’ve ever had, and certainly for the last 15 years. I’m fine with that pressure, thanks.

Omg, this is an utter betrayal of the MN sisterhood 🤣.

Spot on btw. Bang on ☝️.

yeah wartime conscription is the ultimate in men having it harder than women. Imagine being forced to fight, watch all your friends die, knowing you will soon either be killed yourself or horribly maimed. Nothing about childbirth or menstruation (come on) comes remotely close.

Life would look different if roles were swapped. I agree that a lot of the faff women end up doing is sometimes self-generated.

Also, and this is a huge generalisation and I know it doesn't apply to all men and all women, and I will no doubt offend someone, but my experience is that men tend to focus on the job at hand and do that thoroughly, I call it thinking forwards or thinking in the box. Single tasking. Women tend to think sideways, or outside the box, and incorporate lots of things at the same time. Multi-tasking.

My DH will clean the bathroom. He will be in there for two hours. It will be pristine, like new, when he has finished. Tiles gleaming, grout cleaned, windows cleaned, toilet sparkling, no limescale in sight. Which is lovely. And far better than I would do. I would have lost the will to live.

Meanwhile, I have shimmied the kitchen, living room and bedroom, changed the bedding, taken the hoover round and got dinner prepped.

One isn't necessarily better, just different.

But they have typically had women to prop them up.

The men who are most successful in my work all have women who are picking up EVERYTHING for them at home. The women who are most successful are outsourcing the same things to other women.

Also disagree. Similar to another poster, I don’t feel constantly worried for my safety, I have never felt any sexism at work or anything like that. I don’t feel pressure about my appearance (no more than my partner who is currently aware he is going bald!)… none of these things mentioned affect me.
At home, my partner does the food shop (Inc the “mental load” of deciding what to buy)and cooks and does the laundry. I do other cleaning bits so around a 50/50 split, if anything I’ll be honest and say he does more.
In terms of gifts at Christmas and birthdays, he does his family, I do mine.
The onlY stand out think I really do that’s more than him is organise hosting our friends and I put a lot of effort into dinner parties and big charcuterie lunches. And autumn and Christmas I love to go over board decorating the house and preparing. But that’s my choice. I like it. If he was me for a year he just wouldn’t do that, because he wouldn’t be interested.
So basically I think he’d cope just fine.

Strongly disagree. My disabled husband of several decades has continued to work when many people would have given up. He has cried with pain when he’s returned home from work trips but still got up next morning and got on with it because he had to.

We’re waiting on house exchange right now so that he can retire and we can move into our flat. It takes him just under 10 minutes to climb the stairs in the family home. He has to rest every 3 steps. Because of his superhuman efforts over decades, we can help our kids acquire homes.

I’ve been blessed with good health but have recently suffered a slipped disc. I have no idea how on earth he carried on as he did. He tells me “because I love you”.

I don’t have constant safety concerns. Men are far more likely to be attacked or beaten up when out than women. Men also have concerns about appearance- all the bullshit about being undateable if you’re a short male for instance. I always think I couldn’t cope with being a man but I think the reality is both sexes would cope perfectly well as the opposite sex.

What have the Romans ever done for us?

I didn’t know women did pissing contests…

I could counter with most women would crumble under the pressure of being the primary (or sole?) bread winner for multiple years, maybe even decades.

How does a topic like this help anyone?

Would you cope on an oil rig. In a manual job. As a builder or a brick layer?

Yes, historically men have never done much nor achieved anything.

❤️

Well they survived years in the trenches at war so we could have freedom.

No, they wouldn’t cope. Nor would they cope with periods/pregnancy/menopause whilst trying to work/raise a family etc
And yes they would just do things differently, put less effort in etc

Hard agree. I've never done a load of my husband's washing and he probably does more housework than I do. He sorts presents for his side of the family and has ensured to keep me at a safe distance from his narcissist alcoholic mother, keeping firm boundaries in place from the very beginning. She doesn't even have my phone number. All men are not the same as you see on here.

None of that describes how I feel as a woman.

I don’t have “constant” safety concerns, or any appearance pressures. I don’t carry more of the weight in my house or family, domestically or emotionally.

Totally agree.

My DH completely does his part of all the domestics, parenting, life admin and what you call emotional labour. That’s because he’s a grown up. And so am I, so I don’t take on the role of his mummy.

Too many women enable useless men.

I think this is a bit exaggerated, tbh. And also smacks of martyrism. Too many women take on roles within the family that their partners should be doing - and then wonder why they’re doing all the emotional labour.

That’s not to say that a lot of ‘life work’ doesn’t end up falling at women’s feet - but it shouldn’t need to, if women just refused to do it.

I know 3 gay couples who have adopted children. They all seem to cope fine.

That's not actually true
I see my dp every year, getting involved in the most ridiculous christmas tomfoolery with his family.

Presents lists stress about shopping for them.Christmas card lists.

All of them exchange presents when the youngest adults are in there. Forties and the youngest child is 17.

There are no actual little kids in this scenario, and there's always a massive stress over christmas.And presents and getting everything right and wrapped up and exchanged.

It's ludicrous for adults. I can give a toss about christmas presents for me.It's more about the experience in spending time with people I care about.

So in my relationship, he's the one making a meal of christmas, and I'd happily dispense with the whole thing.So some men would do it.