To think most men wouldn’t survive a year living the life of an average woman?

But they just wouldnt do half the stuff anyway

Floors would be sticky, children would be dirty and badly fed, school clubs would be forgotten or payment not made, dental appointments missed, everything left to last minute and the blame someone else that chaos ensues.

In my experience, some of the least sympathetic medical practitioners in respect of periods, childbirth, menopause and endometriosis have been women. Most women don’t experience intense pain, flooding or completely debilitating symptoms and many seem unable to compute that other women might.

I find it so silly and childish when women harp on that men, the half of the species that survived years in trenches, built the cities and towns we live in, manned the factories, fought wars couldn't gasp cope with menstruation!

Another women here who doesn't fear for my safety constantly, feel any more pressure on my appearance than men clearly feel or take any responsibility for hubbys family. The women here are such martyrs!! They do loads of unnecessary stuff, then complain they had to do it all and no one helped them. No one else cares! That's why! Forget the 12 courses of Christmas and get a grip.

Male GPs would be horrified and appalled to discover for themselves what having agonising period pain and horrendous flooding every month is really like.

Once they've suffered that for 6 months, they can switch to having ALL the menopause symptoms in bucketloads for the rest of the year.

I can pretty much guarantee that after that experience, they might be a bit more sympathetic towards 'womens' problems' in future.

Men would be bloody angry about the pay gap if they had to live a year as a woman.

Hang on a min. I have been the main earner for 7 years. I have also carried the mental load at home. Being the main earner is a doddle, compared with remembering all of the family admin, keeping everyone healthy, maintaining house etc.

...this is a really interesting thread topic @ThatRealLimeBee . I agree with some of what you said @Lavenderandclimbingrose . I do think men have their own struggles/challenges, particularly in terms of mental health. I think it also depends so much on context (e.g. age, socioeconomic factors, culture, class, family construct, marital status, etc). It isn't that straightforward. Each have societal pressures.

I think a lot of men don't have the selfless that most mothers display all the time.

The perfect home, perfect Christmas shit that some women insist on, as if they're competing to be crowned 'Best Woman' by someone like Nigel Faragevwould be ignored by most men.

Totally, the bit before the part you’ve quoted said about equality.

Instead of complaining about the load, share it and minimise it.

Expect your partner/husband to do the same amount of housework, parenting, cooking, shopping, whatever. They can, many do. They don’t because we weaponise their incompetence and do it ourselves.

The “mental load” of being a woman is because not enough of it is being passed to a man.

."If men decide, or agree, to be the sole earner - the consequences of that choice are on them, because it is optional."

Surely what's good for the goose is good for the gander then for any woman complaining about their mental load.

It’s do we have enough savings? How much of a mortgage can we afford? How do we keep affording it if I lose my job? How do I sort out retirement? What happens if I get sick/injured/die? What happens if my boss is an asshole? What happens if I stop processing at work? If my company goes under? etc etc

I out earn DH by 3 times so that does all fall to me. I actually was made redundant at the end of May so it has been a worry, but as I have made sure we have enough savings, it’s not been a disaster until I start my new job in September.

DH would be fine, but initially he’d have no clue who the orthodontist is and when DC need to go, same with the dentist & optician. He’s not on the WhatsApp groups for the kids sports groups, nor does he have details for the plumber/electrician/cleaner. DD has a follow up hospital appointment in November I don't think he knows about, so she’d probably miss that.

Everyone would be fed/clothed/get to school, but it would take a good few months for him to sort all that stuff out.

Agreed. I think part of the reason I don’t feel the “female load,” is because I’m not busy looking busy.

I cant really see much difference between my life and DHs to be honest. There are some bits he couldn't do (birth) some bit he is less good at, he really struggled with ds autism at the start and I had to carry him, but there are things he does im crap at or couldn't do too and he has had to carry me at other times. I think our whole species is designed as men and women not men v women to get the maximum out of life.

Well that’s fair enough, I’m sure there is a mental load attached to being the only earner.

But I actually believe that people who can work, should, and nobody should be living exclusively off their partners income because I believe in equality in finances, household activities and parenting. Proper equality.

I’ve been the breadwinner for years, but I wouldn’t be the sole earner and bankroll someone, ever. It would put me off if it was even suggested. I’m not a bank.

If men decide, or agree, to be the sole earner - the consequences of that choice are on them, because it is optional.

“Men cope more than fine when they have to.”

Exactly. You don’t find this level of strategic incompetence that the op is talking about in the workplace. Funny it only manifests in the domestic sphere…

I agree with this some women put it on them selfs.
I dont do xmass easter etc and the world keeps moving.
Somethings i read about on MN i dont see the point in doing.

Bar my wife's job which I'm not qualified or smart enough for it would be an absolute piece of piss

Unless it's a the passport renewal year obviously

Thats just a mumsnet stereotype IMO. How many men are self employed tradies? Not a chance they go to bed with a sniffle.

I genuinely don't recognise this, and to be honest don't understand why people set their lives up like this. Yes, DH and I could swap and of course we'd both survive. It wouldn't even be that different. I can't imagine he'd have enjoyed childbirth, but it's not like I was - and nor was I some sort of stoic throughout, and I think that's fine!

Do I think that there is still inequality between men and women? Of course. But claiming that a man would find the average life of a UK woman unliveable is silly to the point it undermines the genuine case.

Yes, eg the numerous women on social media making cleaning their house part of their personality. You don’t have to do that. You don’t need to bleach your toilet daily or scrub the kitchen floor every night.

Huge generalisation. Do you think men who do heavy manual labour on building sites or travel long distances, living away from their families to find seasonal work crumble at the slightest hint of a sniffle?
I think this thread is based on a certain vision of men and women where the man works an easy but fairly high paying office job, has his “hobbies” and generally lives a fairly charmed life. The women in this scenario are self-appointed martyrs, do everything for the man and for the kids (and choose to have kids with a man they know will not do an equal share). That doesn’t reflect the average man or woman across the world but generally work done by men is physically harder and they suffer ill health more than women. Jobs that are really bad for your health like painter decorator or dangerous industrial work are almost never done by women.

But being the sole breadwinner isn’t just about going to work.

It’s do we have enough savings? How much of a mortgage can we afford? How do we keep affording it if I lose my job? How do I sort out retirement? What happens if I get sick/injured/die? What happens if my boss is an asshole? What happens if I stop processing at work? If my company goes under? etc etc…

It’s a form of mental load in itself.

SleeplessInWherever- great, obviously I didn’t say NO women could handle it, but I think there are many who would find it a struggle, especially broadly defined as above.

You could equally say some women don’t experience or even notice the specific daily realities men deal with

My dp doesn't crumble at the first sniffle he is far more stoic than I am. We share tasks equally we, are kind to each other. I certainly dont feel a constant worry about my safety. If you feel beaten down by the 'mental load' then stop dping it all its a choice.

I don't feel like I face sexism or safety concerns every day.