Not to pack for DD 15

To be honest, I think YABU expecting packing done today with no last minute changes allowed. She probably wants to wear her favourite top/dress/sandals over the weekend and use her makeup etc without having to have it packed and unavailable to her.

Could you ask her to separate it - e.g. she packs anything that can go in the case now (that she knows she won't use this weekend), and then she gets a smaller bag for last minute items, makeup, toiletries etc - but it might have to go by her feet if the boot's full!

I always left my own DD to pack their own stuff at that age.

The rules were, a couple of days before, ask them if they have anything they want to take away with them that needs washing it needs to be in the basket by 10am. Anything not in there will NOT get washed and they won't be able to take it. So its on them to make sure it is.

Then they were told what time we would be leaving, for example 9am, on the dot. Anything not packed and ready to go into the car by then would not be coming with us.

Then we left them to be responsible for themselves. If they didn't put it in the basket, it didn't get washed, if they forgot to pack something then they forgot to pack it, its on them. I will admit to giving basic reminders now and then though like 'don't forget your sunglasses' and just checking they had their phone chargers for example.

Sometimes, my youngest DD especially, would be up at 6am on the morning we were leaving and do ALL her packing at that time. To be honest, if that is how she wanted to do it, then so be it.

She was always ready to go when we said, and never forgot anything.

It is much better to just give them the responsibility. Tell them how it is going to be and leave them to it. If they don't pack until literally an hour before you leave then so be it. As long as they are ready. Takes the constant stress and battles out of the equation.

older dd is always reminding me not to compare the two of them

Well no, she’s right, you shouldn’t be comparing them negatively.

But it’s not unreasonable to set standard expectations you expect a 15 year old to meet (without reference to her siblings)

She meets them or she deals with the consequences. No drama for anyone else.

make it clear: here are the terms, here are the consequences, I’m not going to remind you constantly but I’m also not going to bail you out.

Don’t start the holiday with a fight over this - she sounds like a fairly normal (if private & stroppy) teen. Can you take care of toiletries and give her a bag for life to pack so you can squish it in the boot last minute? I find providing my teens with a bag helps them focus on the task. Plus, We drive and DH insists we pack everything in bags for life to make best use of the space. You could also just pack everything of hers you’ve washed recently (if you’re anything like me, you’ll be doing a big pre holiday wash) in a bag, show it to her, then say if you need anything else it’s on you.

I can see why you’re trying to get this organised, sometimes you need things to go awry, lesson learnt (for her).

When they were younger I would text them the weather, length of stay and accommodation, when we were leaving and returning. I then didn’t need to discuss endlessly.

@RosesAndHellebores they are going on a UK holiday by car so don't think any bags are going to go missing en route.

We always pack separate bags. Would hate to do it any other way. But we never check bags in so they are not going astray.

@Bettycrocker7 Shame she has to go with you really. What a difficult child you have. Have a great holiday but I doubt you will. Barricading herself in? What does the future look like for her?

I have a similar almost 16yr old.

Access to room is not optional here.

Packing I would say this evening that you are putting a wash on and anything anyone wants for holiday or first 2 days back needs to be in the wash bin/on the landing/by the washer wherever it needs to be by 10pm. Put the washing on before you go to bed. Beyond that leave her to it. She doesn't offer clothes for packing... oh well she goes without.

I had a similar battle last weekend with DofE camp stuff. She went without what she didn't pack...

There has to be learning points otherwise we are raising the child-like adults we often hear about on here - and this is an easy low consequence one.

I also don't really understand why you need to share suitcases? Surely it would be easier to give her a small/medium sized bag that will fit in the boot and tell her that is her allocation of space.

YANBU to leave her to pack for herself.

YABU to even given this any thought! Of course an average 15 year old should be packing for themselves!! A few suggestions/reminders might be in order, but that is absolutely all, certainly for a UK trip that requires no special clothing etc (you are not trekking through the rainforest or beyond the arctic circle!). YAalso BU to worry about it now for a trip on Monday. Provided you know she has enough clean clothes etc there is no reason at all why she shouldn't pack on Sunday. She doesn't have to do it your way.

I was thinking the same too. From you DD's point of view she's got ages yet to pack and probably doesn't understand why you want it done today. (I see it from your point of view too but you have to see this from a teenagers perspective)
As you are sharing suitcases I would just leave your suitcases packed and ready downstairs. Tell DD that she has to get her stuff into them by say tea time Sunday - then whatever she brings she will have to manage with.
Take some clothes detergent with you so that SHE can wash clothes and re-wear as needed.

I wouldn't be allowing the "no access to my room" scenario either its your house and you should be allowed access whilst still offering her privacy - eg a rule that you knock first.

Gosh, she's really calling all the shots isn't she. You're not allowed in her room and she doesn't want to pack.

Very well, she packs herself, and if she doesn't, she has no clothes on holiday. This is how they learn to do better next time.

So don’t make it a drama. If she doesn’t bring anything down shrug and carry on.

If she doesn’t tell you what laundry she want done then it doesn’t get done and she lives with the consequences.

15 is well old enough to operate a washing machine.

Mine are years younger than that, all I tell them is where we are going and for how long, and when is the latest date to tell me if they're missing or outgrown any items. Sunday 9PM? Sorry too late, you'll have to manage without.

I'd have had a discussion tonight. "If there's anything you want washed for hols I need it by teatime tonight to get washed and dried.

Can you please make sure your packing is ready to go in the bags by teatime on Sunday.

Not the point of the thread @Bettycrocker7 but please never have designates suitcases per person. It's an absolute Ballache if a case goes missing en-route. Spread it out between the bags. lesson learnt the hard way

Of course just leave her. she's old enough to be responsible for her own packing.

At 15, I would:

Give her a suggested list of items.

Offer to help her fit everything into the bag.

Provide a reasonable deadline for when bags will be closed (if you are leaving on Monday bags absolutely don’t need packed today for example)

Explain the consequences of not packing (spending a smelly and uncomfortable week with only the clothes she stands up in)

If she ends up with nothing I wouldnt bail her out buying new clothes on holiday.

Not unreasonable at all. I’d be setting a firm deadline too and making it clear that if she brings you a pile of clothes down after that, they won’t be getting packed. She’s definitely old enough to be responsible for her own packing.

Take the door off her room if she won’t allow access or stop all internet access and phone etc.

That’s outrageous if you can’t access her room!

Is she not packing because she doesn’t want to go? I’d be incline not to take her and leave her with trusted relatives if she is going to spoil the holiday with that foul attitude.

It’s only Friday! She’s got the entire weekend to pack!