How to make my partner miss/appreciate me more?

How old are you?

Honestly maybe this is an unpopular opinion but what you really want & need in a long term relationship IS a bit of predictability and routine. In the beginning the chase & the angst can be exciting but believe me when I say long term, especially when we’re talking house, marriage, kids, you don’t want a partner who causes you additional stress- you want one you can count on.

@Waspshaveavendetta

This makes sense..I don't think she was mean I mean i don't even know her, he just used to tell me a lot she was really mean and treated him very badly but to be fair some of the stuff did sound toxic.
But then I wonder why stay for so long though and get engaged though maybe that's unfair of me to say.

You don't and can't ever know what really went on in their relationship. You'll only get his highly varnished account of it which he'll have edited to suit his own narrative. There's no value whatsoever in trying to compare yourself to her.

My point was more than you're giving far far too much control in the relationship to him and his needs. People who centre others at the expense of themselves give off a certain "neediness" which makes them much weaker in the relationship. You will almost certainly find the less you think and worry about this, the more attentive he will become. Not because you're being "mean" but because you're projecting a sense of strength and independence.

That's not the main reason not to do it: the main reason is to regain your self esteem. But it strikes me from your post that you are overthinking this and therefore giving him far too much power. Which is why I think therapy would help this.

End it. If this is what it's like 1.5 years in, then it's not looking good.

Maybe he's just bored of having to do all the work?

I think you're thinking far too much about him and his needs and not enough about you and yours. It's all about him and how he sees you. You need to get to a point where you're not thinking about this at all and probably therapy is the way to get there.

There's two really important reasons for this:

• You're framing everything in your life around him. That's not healthy for you because it means you're constantly shaping yourself to fit another person. It will lower your sense of self-esteem and agency. This isn't just about your relationship, it's much broader than that. It's about knowing who you are and what your needs are (as opposed to what someone needs from you).
• When people bend over backwards to accomodate someone else's needs in a relationship it ultimately becomes very stifling and a turn off. You say that his last partner was "mean"... obviously I don't know her but it may be that she just had a bit more of a backbone and knew herself. Being a people pleaser usually drives people away because when you're with people like this you feel you never know who they really are. This isn't the main reason: the main reason is for you to be comfortable with yourself. But as an aside, this may be why you feel he's a bit over complacent.

Get some therapy/counselling to work out why you're centring someone else in your own life. It's a very high risk strategy and will ultimately diminish you.

What is it exactly that has changed? What specifically are you wanting from him?

Maybe you become a bit suffocating and needy. I don’t mean to sound rude. The way you write just comes across that way.

You can’t make someone appreciate you or miss you. They either will or won’t.

What you need is a therapist. YOu have a good relationship that appears to be going well and you want to make it more volatile? Why?

"Affection" is less? In any relationship the loved up, constant cuddling/touching/sex phase eases up after a while. what's more important is whether you're getting the affection and attention you want, and the same for him.

I think you need to concentrate more on self love, become the person you are happy with because it's you, not because you're trying to be the person you think they will love/want.

you can't influence how other people feel, you can only control how you react to their actions.