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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be irritated at being asked to give my pronouns?

170 replies

purpledaze24 · 01/08/2025 09:34

I work in a very “progressive” organisation who are constantly trying to be sooo pc about everything 🙄
Almost daily I have meetings with colleagues, clients, and people from other organisations. At the beginning of EVERY meeting my manager asks everyone to go round and give their pronouns. It’s SO annoying! Every single person is always the pronoun they look like, my work also has nothing to do with supporting trans people or anything related, many of the people I’ve known for years, yet she still makes us do this every single meeting!! AIBU to be unbelievably irritated (and actually kind of offended) by this?

On a slightly different topic, I was at a friend’s barbecue recently and there was a young woman there who asked what my pronouns were. I answered she/her through gritted teeth and she said back “I’m he/him” (!) She was (what I assumed) was a slightly boyish lesbian. She didn’t appear to be making any attempt to look like a man. She even had long hair. She was just wearing “boyish” clothes (but stuff I’d wear sometimes). I thought how annoying it must be to go through life constantly having to “correct” people. Am I being overly judgmental by being annoyed by this? Like it feels like she’s just making a total mockery of gender and actually if I was a genuine trans man who desperately wanted to be recognised as he/him I’d feel like she was taking the absolute piss!

OP posts:
Venalopolos · 01/08/2025 09:53

In this scenario I’d want to say “ I don’t want to have to explicitly point out the differences that disadvantage me at the start of this meeting, so I’d prefer not to answer thanks”, as being a woman and being trans are a statistical disadvantage vs being a man.

What I would actually say is “I don’t have a preference, so long as it’s clear it’s me you’re referring to”, because I genuinely don’t.

I also deal with a lot of Lord and Ladies and other titles in my work, and it somehow feels disrespectful to refer to them by pronouns in their presence so I’m quite good at not using pronouns in front of people and just using their names. What I say behind their back is none of their business (and tbh misgendering might be the least offensive thing I say about some of my colleagues 😂).

I don’t care what pronouns someone uses. I’d quite like to mandate that they don’t call me names or slag me off when I’m not there, but I’d be naive to assume I have the power to police that.

Lottapianos · 01/08/2025 09:50

I'm with you OP. It's performative, empty headed nonsense. I work in a corporate role, and I've never been asked my pronouns to my face, but if I was I think I would say either 'no thank you' or 'Im sure you can work that out for yourself!'

I did have a manager who suggested that a new group of trainees get given sticky labels for them to write their names and pronouns on, but it never caught on thankfully. Cringing for your manager, I bet she thinks she's so cool 🤦🏻‍♂️

Lemniscate8 · 01/08/2025 09:49

I voted YABU because you are answering!

"I don't subscribe to that particular right wing political ideology" is my normal answer.

"I don't think anyone has any right to attempt to control what is said about them when they are not there" if I am pushed

TheyreLikeUsButRichAndThin · 01/08/2025 09:46

I’d just say ‘whatever pronouns you think suit me are fine’. Literally none of my business what people refer to me as 😄

Genevieva · 01/08/2025 09:45

We were given rainbow ribbons to wear earlier this year. I just said ‘no thank you’.

KassandraOfSparta · 01/08/2025 09:45

I am very glad I am self-employed. This whole "pronouns" shit is so self-absorbed.

floppybit · 01/08/2025 09:45

I don’t know how you keep quiet, if this was happening in my workplace I would have to say something

softlyfallsthesnow · 01/08/2025 09:44

Second person singular. Or mind your own business. Or grow up.
Any or all of the above.

Helpmeplease2025 · 01/08/2025 09:43

‘no thank you’

Isitreallysohard · 01/08/2025 09:43

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

That's actually a good point too, why is it even relevant. If anything it's rude to make it a thing. Are we all supposed to state our Ethinicity too or any disabilities we might have?

CalpolOnToast · 01/08/2025 09:43

Fuck me, I'm glad I don't do corporate. Would be hard to resist saying "why do you need to know what gender I am if you can't figure it out, are you going to treat me differently?"

Genevieva · 01/08/2025 09:43

Standard response: take a guess.

It might seem sarcastic, but it’s essential to rebuff. I have never given my pronouns despite 4 years in a progressive work environment. I have never added pronouns to the foot of my email. I’ve never used incorrect pronouns for other people either. I just construct sentences to be pronoun-free.

Isitreallysohard · 01/08/2025 09:42

That's actually crazy and what a waste of time. Can you suggest it's put on the agenda as part of the attendees? I don't really care about pronouns but I do about dumb BS

Springtimehere · 01/08/2025 09:40

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Springtimehere · 01/08/2025 09:40

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Reliablesource · 01/08/2025 09:40

I thought the pronouns bs had finally stopped, this would drive me nuts too. I would just say, “I don’t wish to give pronouns”, and move on. Once one or two people do that, others will follow suit. Most people only go along with this nonsense because they are scared of being labelled trans-phobic.

Coffeeishot · 01/08/2025 09:38

It is just "modern life" now I get it is irritating but a sigh and a She/her is fine, the youngster probably thought she was being progressive and polite.

Dancingintherainxxx · 01/08/2025 09:37

Leave then.

VickyEadieofThigh · 01/08/2025 09:36

YANBU because it's performative nonsense.

laughingnow · 01/08/2025 09:35

I, me and mine could work for all